


Frerard Oneshots

by BloodSoaked_Rainbow



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Age Regression, Angst, Fluff, Frerard, M/M, Smut, frank iero - Freeform, gerard way - Freeform, oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:00:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 54,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29579247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodSoaked_Rainbow/pseuds/BloodSoaked_Rainbow
Summary: (Never completed, continuously updated but like idk how to mark that so eh)Smut, fluff, angst, literally anything. I am so bad at writing descriptions, but these are oneshots which I write at 3 am. Requests are open (not that anyone is gonna want to request anything). Enjoy my crap writing, or don't, it's your choice.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

I know, I know I keep redoing this and deleting it but I have a reason this time

so 

a) requests and shit open, I'll write pretty much anything 

b) my writing is pretty shit but I do try, so constructive criticism is cool but don't be a dickhead

c) smut oneshots will have asterix around the title eg * title *

d) im asexual/demisexual so therefore will probably get things horrifically wrong coz I'm literally just basing everything off of stuff I've learnt from other smut/my extremely dirty-minded friends

e) I might do occasional Frank x Gerard x Bert ones coz I fucking love those, but i'll put it at the start of the chapter along with any trigger warnings so if you don't wanna read that you don't have to

and yeah :D


	2. I'll Protect You

"I like your drawing."

A boy appeared by Gerard's side, knocking his arm slightly in the process, causing a thick grey line to appear across the page. The boys eyes widened as he realised what he had done.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to ruin your drawing!" The boy looked down at the floor, his eyes beginning to fill with tears from the thought that he might have just permanently ruined the other boy's drawing.

Gerard sighed, stating that it was fine, he had only been drawing in pencil so he could easily rub it out, and he was kind of hating that particular drawing anyway. Gerard wanted to be angry but that boy was just doing somethingwith his eyes, he literally looked like sadness personified, and Gerard didn't want to see him sad like this ever again. At that moment, he made a promise to himself to make and keep the strange boy who had almost ruined his drawing as happy as possible.

The boy still looked unsure, but his eyes had begun to shine slightly, maybe he hadn't ruined the artistic boy's drawing as much as he thought he had.

"Do you wanna go play with the Lego together?" Gerard asked, keen to stay with the boy for as long as possible. He didn't know why he wanted to stay with him, he just did. He held out his hand shyly, unsure as to whether or not the strange boy would want to play with him.

"Sure! I'm Frank!" The other boy giggled. His happiness was infectious, and Gerard soon felt himself smiling at Frank's antics. Frank latched onto Gerard's hand, a light pink grazing his cheeks as he did so.

"I'm Gerard." Gerard grinned at Frank.

"I- I really like you Gerard!" Frank admitted in a small voice. "Can we be bestest bestest friends?"

"We can be more that that!" Gerard exclaimed happily.

"WE CAN BE BESTEST BESTEST BESTEST FRIENDS!" Frank almost screamed.

"YES YOU CAN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT, YOU ARE MY BESTEST BESTEST BESTEST FRIEND FRANKIE!"

They walked their way across the room towards the Lego, as they got closer to it Frank seemed to grow closer to Gerard, almost pressing his side against him as they passed a group of girls playing with the water trough.

"C'mon, RUN!" Gerard yelled, giggling as they ran towards the Lego, trying to get there before the other kids who had been wanting to play with the Lego as well.

Gerard giggled again, dragging Frank along behind him, reaching the Lego Batman set before the others and immediately grabbing the batman figure. He didn't let go off Frank's hand as he passed him the Robin figure.

"COME ON FRANKIE, LETS BE BATMAN AND ROBIN! WE CAN HELP RESCUE THEIR DOLLS!" He pointed over to a group of girls and a few boys playing with the doll houses in the corner.

They left to charge over to singlehandedly interfere with the dollhouses, saving each other from the 'bad guys' surrounding them.

***

They were still holding hands, and Frank was just saving Gerard from a 'bad guy' that was about to hit him on the head ,when one of the preschool teachers called for them to go over to the carpet for Nap Time.

Gerard squeezed Frank's hand whispering, "You can sleep next to me if you want." Frank nodded eagerly, waiting for Gerard to lead them over to where they got their sleeping mats and blankets, before making their way towards a corner to set them out.

Frank hesitantly laid down beside Gerard, who was laying there contently sucking his thumb. He gasped when the lights were switched off, now that it was dark the monsters could come for him! He knew that they were there, waiting for the lights to be turned off so they could come and take him.

He felt something nudging the blanket beside him, and had to bite back a scream. It nudged him again, and Frank realised that he could feel the warmth from it radiating through the blanket. Monsters weren't warm, they were cold, right?

He hesitantly took his arm out of the blanket, slowly reaching out to find out what had been trying to get to him. He found a hand, and he knew instantly from the long, spindly fingers and chewed nails that it belonged to the one and only Gerard. He giggled softly to himself, taking Gerard's hand and suddenly feeling much safer.

"Don't 'orry, I'll protec' you from the 'onsters." he heard Gerard's sleepy voice slur out. Frank shut his eyes tightly, not afraid of what the dark hid from him anymore, the monsters couldn't get him now that Gerard was protecting him!

One of the teachers came over to check that they were alright and didn't need anything, and he couldn't help but aw at the sight of the two boys curled around each other.

***


	3. Kitten Socks

I watched him skip down the hallway, he seemed so bright and innocent against the grey, suppressing walls and the gloomy, dark clothed kids. He was like a ray of sunshine in a storm, as fragile and shy as a butterfly, and definitely as pretty as one. Today he was dressed in a pale yellow oversized hoodie, with slightly faded white jeans and baby pink converse, and oh my fuck, he looked prefect. He always looks perfect to me though. Whenever I see him I can't help but to keep looking at him until he's out of sight.

He skipped up to me, a small, shy smile plastered on his face.

"Geeeeee!" I exclaimed and picked him up to spin him around. Gerard giggled and shrieked slightly, laughing while begging for me to put him back down on the ground. I shook off all of the strange looks we were getting from people trying to pass their way through the school corridors, I had grown used to ignoring things which were aimed at me. I gave up caring about what other people thought about me long ago, or so I thought. Because then I met Gerard, and I sure as hell cared what he thought about me, since he was probably the only one who would willingly class themselves as my friend. He stepped shyly away from me, a blush rising through his cheeks and his hands gathering themselves inside his sweater paws. Gerard had never been good at ignoring people, he didn't understand why they thought he was weird, or why they yelled "retard" at him when he walked down the hallway. All he was trying to do was to make the best of life, and to see the beauty in every aspect of what was surrounding him. He could even make an algebra lesson with an old tortoise of a teacher seem full of life and happiness. I booped his nose, and he blushed even more heavily grabbing onto my hand.

"C'monnnn I'm hungryyyyy!" he whined as he clung to my arm in a koala like fashion. Gerard was very much a touchy-feely kind of a person, and I honestly loved that about him. Normally I couldn't bear to be touched by any of the human population, but Gerard, Gerard was different. He brought out the best in me, a part which made it it's duty to protect Gerard from any harm, and to ensure his happiness. I laughed and slammed my locker shut, pulling him along with me down the corridor towards the canteen.

I had known Gerard for six years, and he had barely changed over them, he was still the sweet, innocent, pastel loving kid that he had been at eight when I had first met him. Other people had tried to steal that from him, tried to tarnish his happy personality with their stained fingers, but I had always managed to protect him from them. It wasn't even like he was just innocent, all of his life he had been sheltered from things like sex, and it was left down to me to try and both keep his innocence around him, while not leaving him completely in the dark. Not that I minded having to do that for him, I would have done anything for him, it's just that I would have preferred not to have to do it.

Gerard had skipped over to a table where his younger brother was already sat hand in hand with Pete, me being dragged along behind him. I remembered the first time that I had met Mikey, he had looked at me so untrustingly when I first introduced myself. It must have seemed slightly strange that his happy, bright-dressing brother had become friends with me, a person who was always dressing in dark colours, the more serious, darker thinking student. I had always been alone, choosing to distance myself from anyone else who tried to become close with me, and Gerard (and therefore his brother) were the only exceptions to that.

Gerard sat down with his coffee that had somehow appeared from somewhere, how the hell had I not smelt it before hand? I stared greedily at his cup, and he blushed again before whispering 'do you want some?'. I nodded, grinning widely, not only was I being permitted to steal some of the liquid of life, but Gerard just looked so fucking adorable with his pink stained cheeks and messy black hair. As I was concentrating on the bitter but fucking amazing taste of the coffee, I overheard Mikey asking Gerard how it was going with him. Him? Who was him? I glanced over at Gerard to see how he reacted to the question, and he was squirming and stuttering in his seat under the amused eye of his younger brother. I was still intrigued as to who he was, and why he had that affect on Gerard. I decided that I would ask him later when we were safe from prying ears in his pastel blue room.

***

I was leaning against the wall, siting on Gerard's bed while he laid with his head in my lap, reading a comic which he was holding above his head. Occasionally he would pull the comic down to tell me something, but other than that we just sat in comfortable silence, I was completely content with just looking at Gerard, taking in his fucking beautiful eyes, and his messed up hair which seemed to defy the rules of gravity, and his fucking gorgeous body, hidden underneath his oversized hoodie and skinny jeans. He had ditched his converse for pink cat socks as soon as we had gotten to his house, and it was taking all of my self-restraint to just not lean over and kiss him senseless. I forgot all about asking Gerard who he was until we had been sat/laying like that for over an hour.

"Gee..?" I asked hesitantly. I got an mm sound in response, and I looked down to the discovery that Gerard had ditched the comics and was practically asleep on me. "Gerard, you need to wake up-"

"But Frankieee, I don't want to." Gerard whined, pouting up at me.

"Ok well, you can sleep after this but can I just, uh, can I ask you something?" That made him sit up in surprise and pay attention, normally if I wanted to ask something I would just ask it, even if it was completely irrelevant to the topic of conversation.

"Um, yeah..?" Gerard responded, sounding hesitant. I tried to think of how I wanted to word my question. I didn't want him to feel attacked, or that I was poking into his personal business, I was only curious (and maybe slightly jealous) about who this mysterious person was.

"Ok, uh, so... I overheard Mikey asking you about someone and uh, I was just wondering who and what he was talking about?" Gerard looked down again, pink rising up his cheeks. "I mean, uh, I'm not trying to intrude on your stuff or anything, I was just curious. Shit, don't feel like you have to answer that, it was dumb of me, sorry." I blurted out, suddenly feeling insecure.

"N-no, it's fine, i-it was gonna come out in the open sooner or later, um-" he trailed off, his cheeks stained bight pink. I started slowly trailing my fingers through his hair softly, trying to get him to relax again. He whined softly and leant back into my touch as I smiled at his antics.

"Don't worry Gee, if you don't wanna tell me you don't have to, y'know?"

"No, it's ok. So um, well I guess there's two things, and um, if you want to leave after either of them then uh, feel free I guess."

I shook my head, "No, I'm not going anywhere, unless you're gonna tell me that you've become a serial killer or a mass rapist or something, in which case I'll help you hide the bodies." Gerard's head tilted adorably.

"W-what's a rapist? Or a serial killer? Why would you kill cereal, I love cereal, especially Coco Pops!" Oh shit, normally I was better at controlling what I said around Gerard, knowing that he had innocence that seemed almost impossible for him to keep when he got stuffed into an overfilled building of teenagers every weekday.

"Uh, don't worry, I'll explain it to you later. And, y'know what? We can go find you some Coco Pops after this!" Gerard squealed at the mention of his favourite cereal. "But first, first you've gotta answer my question, but again, if you really don't want to then you don't have to."

"Again Frankie, it's fine. Ok so, um, for the first one, I like boys Frankie, and I know it's bad 'cause that's what Bob told me and he said that I should never like boys and girls should never like girls, and that if I did like them then my mom would have no choice but to kick me out and I like you and I can't help myself and I-I don't want my mom to leave me I-" Gerard cut himself off with a sob, looking at me like I was insane. I was sitting there with my mouth open, swearing to myself that I would kill Bob before the week was out. "Why aren't you going, shouldn't you go? I'm messed up, I shouldn't like boys somethings wronging my brain-" He started hitting his head with his hand chanting "stupid, stupid, stupid".

I had never seen Gerard lose it like this, so I did the only thing I could think of doing. I leant forward and pressed my lips to his, soft, pink ones, my hand shooting out to caress his jaw. I heard Gerard audibly gasp, and started to move my lips against his, feeling his soft chapped lips move against mine as he tried to kiss me back. I felt my tongue poke out slightly swiping along his bottom lip, tasting his coconut lip balm, lost in the feeling. It was like my brain had taken a back seat, and everything I was doing was being led by my sub-conscious. He pulled away, smiling softly.

"It's not wrong, Gerard. Tons of people like the same gender as them, and it's just as wrong as boys liking girls. Look at Pete and Mikey, they're dating and they're super happy together aren't they? Take me for example, I like both boys and girls, but you in particular." Gerard giggled, cuddling closer to me as he played with the belt loops on my jeans. He wasn't doing it to be suggestive or anything, its just that he always seems to need to be doing something with his hands, like fiddling with something and I guess that the belt loops were the closest thing he could fiddle with.

He looked up at me with soft, molten hazel eyes before whispering "I really liked that". I laughed slightly, nodding my head in agreement.

"I really liked that too, and you know what I would like even more?" He did the adorable head tilt he did when he was either confused, or signalling for someone to carry on talking. I took it to be the latter. I leant forward and whispered in his ear, "if you would be my boyfriend". Gerard nodded violently, his blush now coming back as a light pink dusting his cheek bones.

I wrapped my arms around him, embracing the warmth radiating from him, feeling the softness of his skin. He sighed and smiled happily to himself, situating himself back into my lap while grabbing my hand in his. I laughed because his hoodie was still covering the majority of his hand, and I booped him on the nose while I went to push the sleeve up so I could hold his hand with skin on skin.

"I-I'm really tired Frankie." Gerard admitted, his eyes beginning to fall closed.

"Well then, why don't you go to sleep. I'm not gonna go anywhere until you wake up, promise." He looked up at me with wide eyes before pulling me down onto his bed with him, curling himself up into my chest as I wrapped my arms around his tiny frame.

"You'd better not," he mumbled against my chest. "I need your warmth." I couldn't help but aww at his mumbling, feeling the warmth radiating from under his hoodie, softly playing with his hair while he fell asleep. He was so cute in his sleep, almost as cute as he was awake, with his small snores and soft noises. After about half an hour of me laying with him I started to feel sleepy myself, so I kissed him on the forehead and rested my chin on top of his head, which was tucked into my chest.

"Love you Gee." I whispered into his sweet smelling hair, and I heard Gerard mumble in his sleep before curling even closer towards me. I really did love him, I had loved him since we had first spoken. I was so lucky that Gerard was my friend, and even luckier that now I could call him mine.

***


	4. Strawberry Gashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *TW for suicide*

_I give up, I can't bare it anymore. I'm sorry._

Gerard looked back at his husband's body, deadly pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over, dried rivers of blood pouring over his once flawless skin and onto the floor.

_Don't worry Frank, I'll be with you soon._


	5. Guitar Boy

Fuck steps. Like seriously, fuck them. Whoever invented them must have really hated wheelchairs, because those things are a fucking nightmare to get up in a wheelchair. And I was stuck at the bottom of a flight of at least ten steps, with no other way up, and that was the only way I could go. Why did I decide that it would be a good idea to come to the beach? I stopped my wheelchair from rolling back down onto the sand and stared hopelessly up at the stairs, just willing for a ramp or something to magically appear. Normally Mikey would help me to find a way around them since I was freaking useless with maps, even things like google maps which are meant to be simple as fuck confused the fuck out of me. I was contemplating calling Mikey and telling him that I gave up, when I heard someone cough slightly behind me.

Presuming that I was in their way I quickly spun my chair around to apologise and move to the side of the path, when I had to take a double take. Stood behind me was quite possibly the most attractive guy I had ever met; his hair had been shaved at the sides and dyed red, while the top was black and swept over one side of his face, curling around his eye and ending in a tiny curl on his cheek. His eyes were fucking enchanting, a mix of hazels, greens, browns and those flecks of gold, drawing me in the more that I looked at them, his eyebrows literally perfect, his nose sloping cutely down towards his soft pink lips, which were now stretched out into a wide grin.

"You look like you could use some assistance?" I glanced him up and down, he didn't look like he was going to try and rape/murder me, so I breathed out a shaky sigh of relief before nodding, a smile finding its way onto my face despite how much I tried to will it down.

"Where are ya trying to get to, sugar?" He asked, and I felt blood rising in my cheeks. Was he flirting with me, or was this just how interacted with everyone?

"U-um I was trying to get to the uh- to the guitar shop up there," I stuttered, his eyes lit up as I mentioned the guitar shop. "You heard of that shop? Or do you just like guitars?"

"Of course I've heard of it! And as a matter of fact guitars are like, my most favourite things on earth, that might be starting to change though-" I quite literally started choking on air as he flashed me a face splitting grin. I wheeled my chair over to a low wall along the edge of the path, trying to prevent ourselves from blocking the path, him unconsciously following me as he continued to ramble on about guitars. He soon stopped talking though, and a blush started to rise on his cheeks.

"Um sorry, I should probably shut up about guitars, I'm probably boring you-" he smiled guiltily. I leant forward to rest my chin on my hand.

"No, I think that it's actually kind of cute. I've never met someone who's so passionate about guitars as you."

He giggled. He didn't laugh, he giggled, and it was probably one of the best sounds which I had ever heard. "Oh yeah, that's me, I'm not just slightly obsessed over guitars and music, my entire life revolves around it. Anyway, um, the guitar shop is up there, you're down here, and there is a whole fuck load of steps in the way. Now I would offer to carry you up them, and although I may possess the physical strength to do that, I'm not quite sure that I possess the mental strength." I rolled my eyes at his way of saying 'no way am I carrying you up this so we'd better find another way'.

"However, I do just happen to know a back way to this specific guitar shop, and I also just happen to be an extremely nice kind of guy who is willing to take you around said back way, so as you don't get yourself lost or murdered or some shit like that. And to try and help persuade you that I'm not gonna kill you or some shit like that, I'll tell you my name."

He leant in as though to tell me his deepest secret. "It's Frank. Frank Iero." He whispered in my ear, while holding a finger up to his lips. I laughed at him again, before telling him that my name was Gerard, and we were on our way to the guitar shop.

***

A few minutes later and we were walking away from the clamour of the beach on a hot day, towards the streets which were in the shadows of the baking sun, protected by the rows of buildings lining them. Frank walked with me the entire way there (well I wheeled and he walked) pausing only to get a bottle of water from some random souvenir shop. In the first fifteen minutes since we had first met, he had also taken to calling me Wheelchair Boy, though I didn't exactly mind. That was weird though, because when I got called Wheelchair Boy when I was in school I would get incredibly offended, and Lindsey would go sweet talk one of the jocks into beating whoever-had-called-me-it up. But when Frank called me it, I would get this weird fluttering feeling in my stomach, and could feel my cheeks heating up slightly.

After around twenty minutes of walking/wheeling along sun-baked roads we eventually made it to the little guitar shop, and I could see the amazingly/horrifically (depending on which way you were looking at it) sparkly bass which I was trying to buy for Mikey in the window.

"Sooo...." I started out awkwardly.

"Soo...." Frank continued, just as awkwardly.

"Uh, y'know you don't have to stay with me just because I'm in a wheelchair... you can go if you want to-"

"Nuh uh, no way, I'm staying with you." Frank shook his head violently. I was very confused, why would someone like him, who could easily hang out with whoever he wanted to, choose to stay with me, a stranger who they had only met less than an hour ago. I voiced my questions to Frank, while he just stood there looking strangely pleased with himself.

"Well..." he finally spoke. "A) I want to stay with you because you seem like a lonely person and you also seem far too cute to be lonely so... there's that, and b) I want to stay because, although I haven't known you for even an hour yet, you seem like a really rad person, and I want to get to know you better. Is that a good enough answer for you?"

I pretended to think for a minute before nodding, and the way his face split into his amazing grin had my entire body feeling like molten lava.

***

We entered the shop (thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that there was a small ramp instead of a step) and the little bell above the door jingled, notifying everyone of our presence. I noticed how Frank's eyes immediately latched onto a white Les Paul guitar, resting quietly in it's hook which let it hang on the wall.

He looked over at the person who was manning the till, who nodded while smiling slightly (his impressive 'fro bouncing around his head when he nodded). Frank went straight over to the white guitar, tuned it by ear and then started strumming softly, picking up riffs in between chords. His fingers seemed to dance over the frets, his other hand picking gently at the strings.

Frank seemed entranced by the guitar, so I went over to the kiosk where 'Fro Dude was waiting for people to come over and pay/ask questions/whatever else people work in shops do.

After a short discussion during which I managed to buy Mikey the Mustang sparkly bass which he wanted, and had managed to get them to deliver it to our house since carrying a guitar back to my little house by the beach would have been an interesting experience. After I had payed, 'Fro Dude nodded over towards Frank who was still mentally absorbed in the guitar, he seemed completely oblivious to everything going on around him.

"You know Frank? I noticed that you two came in together." He asked me, clearly curious.

"I guess you could say that, I met him at the beach when I got guitar blocked by a shit load of steps and he decided to bring me a back way here which he knew. So I'm guessing that you know him, since you know his name?"

"Yeah, he comes here at least every two days, and each time he goes and plays that exact guitar. He even named her, he called her Pansy. I did offer her half-price to him, but he was having none of it, said he had to save up to the full total or else it wouldn't be fair on other customers. Also, the fact that you just met him makes sense, or else I would have probably have recognised you, he talks about his friends a lot. My name's Ray, by the way."

"Cool, I'm Gerard." I said. "Jesus, he's good at guitar, way better than me (though I don't think that that's hard since I'm completely crap at guitar). Those two look like a match made in Heaven."

"That they are, soon I'm just gonna give in and give him the guitar for free, and not take no for an answer. That guitar belongs with him. Don't tell him this but I've actually told people who wanted to buy it that it was on hold for someone who had already bought it, just so I could keep it long enough for him to have a chance at getting it."

"How much is it?" I asked, curious as to just how much Frank was willing to spend on a guitar.

"It's around six hundred and seventy-nine dollars... but the only job Frank has barely pays for his apartment and food eat cetera." Ray answered. Wow, so he must have really loved this guitar it he was willing to pay that much, and it sounded like he didn't have a very high paying job, thought I couldn't say anything, my job at the comic store didn't pay particularly well either. It had taken me months of saving up to be able to buy Mikey's bass.

***

After a while of playing, Frank seemed to remember where he was and gently placed Pansy back into her guitar hook, whispering something which I couldn't hear. He lopsidedly walked over to where me and Ray were, smiling sheepishly.

"Sorry, I kind of lost track of the time... I see you've met my good friend Ray, aka the literally guitar god?" Frank directed at me.

"Guitar god, huh?" I questioned. "Let's hear you play something then."

Ray blushed dramatically at Frank's way of introducing him, before being physically dragged towards a guitar by none other than the legendary Frank Iero. After setting up the guitar and plugging it into an amp that was next to him, Ray started to play, and holy Jesus fucking Christ he was amazing. I had thought frank was good at guitar (and he really was) but Ray was quite literally the best guitarist I had ever heard play live, the music he was playing sending shivers down my spine, and causing all of the other guitar browsers to stop what they were doing and to look over at him, no-one saying a word. When he was finished he was greeted by a massive round of applause, and his cheeks turned a vibrant red. Clearly he wasn't used to playing in public.

After placing the guitar back into the rack and coiling up the leads for the amp, he came back over to Frank and me, took one look between us, told me that he hoped that my brother would enjoy his bass and made some lame excuse about needing to find new guitar strings before running back into the store room behind the shop. Confused, I looked over at Frank, sure we were stood quite close together, but I didn't think that it was close enough for his quick escape to make sense. As soon as Frank saw me looking at him he took a step back. Huh, that was odd...

After standing around for a bit I decided to break the awkward silence.

"Uh, so like, is there any way that I can uh, repay you for taking me here? I'm sure that you didn't actually want to come here and you probably had somewhere else to be which I made you late for-"

"Didn't I tell you that I wanted to stay with you?" Frank cut me off.

"I-I mean yeah, I just presumed that you would want something in return for taking me here..." I stuttered, trailing off at the end.

"Hmmmmm, well I can think of something you can do to pay me back."

"Mhm..?" I asked, wanting to know what he had planned.

"Yep, you can let me take you out for ice cream." Frank replied, smugly.

"But that's you paying for me, which means that I end up with an even bigger dept to you." I pointed out.

"Nope, it pays me back 'cause I get to spend the entire afternoon with the cutest boy that I've ever seen."

"O-okay, that would be nice." I blushed heavily, not used to being complimented.

"Rad, let's go then." Frank grinned, opening the door for my wheelchair, before following me out onto the street.

***

We had found a little ice cream shop down near the beach, and I was lucky because the had tables the exact right size for my wheelchair. Sometimes the tables in places would be either at head height for me, or far too low for my chair to fit under. I had gotten coffee flavoured ice cream, while Frank had gone for chocolate. He kept trying to steal my ice cream from me, and then hit my hand with the little plastic spoon that all ice cream shops give you whenever I tried to take some of his.

He hadn't ceased in his endless flirting either, continuously complimenting me, it telling people who were looking at me curiously to "back off, 'cause he's mine".

"Y'know I'm surprised that you don't have a girlfriend. I would have thought that you would have endless lines of girls queuing up just to say hi to you." Frank joked.

"Uh, actually I hope never to have a girlfriend, I'm probably one of the gayest gays who you will ever meet. And no, I don't have a boyfriend either."

I could've sworn that Frank breathed out a sigh of relief when I told him that I was gay, and his smile definitely got a bit wider.

"Good, because that means that I can do this."

And with that Frank lent forwards, and softly pressed his chocolate flavoured lips to mine. I gasped I shock, which he clearly took as a bad sign as he began to pull away, but my hand shot up and landed on the back of his head, pushing his face back to meet mine. After a while of just kissing softly we pulled away, aware that we were in a family place. What we didn't expect was the round of applause that came from all around the ice cream shop, and both of us blushed bright red at the sound of it.

"Y'know, I was beginning to think that my endless flirting wasn't getting through to you." Frank whispered, red still evident on his cheeks.

"Oh shut up, Guitar Boy." I said, pulling him back in to connect our lips again.

***

It had been almost a year since I had first met Frank, and it was now Halloween, also known as Frank's birthday. Frank he moved into my little house without six months of us kissing at that ice cream cafe, and I could not think of anything more perfect. Every morning I got to look at the love of my life as he slept (he looked adorable while he slept) and everyday I would get to kiss him, and tell him how much he meant to me, and how much I loved him.

After a while of me smiling at my adorably boyfriend, his eyes began to crack open, and he somehow managed to cuddle himself further into my chest.

"Wake up Guitar Boy," I said, kissing his forehead.

"Mm, fine but only 'cause you called me that." Frank said as he began to sit up.

"You're birthday presents in the wardrobe, it's underneath my jackets which are hanging up, I would go get it but y'know..." I said, gesturing towards my useless legs. Frank grinned and stretched as he got out of bed, making his way over to the closet, before struggling to take out the massive box in there.

"Jesus, what the fuck did you get me?" Frank panted, out of breath from pulling the box out of the closet.

"My name is Gerard, although I appreciate that you think that I'm Jesus, and you'll just have to open it to fine out, won't you?" I laughed.

Frank huffed before dragging the box over to the bed and perching on the end of it, tearing at the amazingly festive Christmas wrapping paper that I had wrapped it in, despite the fact that it was Halloween. His eyes widened as he saw what was inside, audibly gasping.

"G-Gee you didn't..."

"Mhm, yep I did. You go with her perfectly Frankie, you just had to have her."

I could see the tears shining in Frank's eyes as he carefully lifted Pansy out of her packaging, placing her on the bed before hugging me as hard as he could, and attaching his lips to mine.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," he whispered in between kisses. "This is the best birthday present I could have wished for, you and Pansy."

"Love you too Frankie." I laughed, flattered that I was on the same level of Frank's love love as a guitar. "Now go play me something Guitar Boy, there's an amp and leads beneath the bed if you want them."

Frank grinned before pressing one last kiss to my lips, grabbing Pansy and starting to play First Date by Blink-182 as I sang along. It honestly did feel like out first date all over again, I had the feeling that every day I spent with Frank would feel like that, and I knew that no matter what I would never stop loving him, he was my very own, amazing Guitar Boy.

***


	6. Frankisaurus

There was something different between me and Frank, and we both knew it. Maybe it was the way that we only spoke a few times a day to each other, or maybe it was the fact that we knew more about each other than we cared to admit. Or maybe it was because of this unwritten contest which I had somehow found my way into.

It had started when Frank wore a hoodie to school, a hoodie which was so oversized on him that it went down to his knees, covering the shorts which he was wearing underneath. He looked really fucking cute to me, although I may or may not have been harbouring what was possibly the worlds longest crush, I had liked him since preschool (when we were three), and still did thirteen years later (at sixteen). He had caught me staring at him in the corridors, and I had blushed and looked down at the floor. Frank just smirked and continued on up the corridor as if he had completed his only goal in life. Ever since then Frank had come in wearing outfits of varying cuteness/hotness, and with each passing day I found it harder and harder to hold myself back from just kissing him senseless. It had become like a game, he would try and seduce me with his adorableness, and I would have to try and pull myself out of the trance-like state which he left me in.

It was the day that Frank wore his dinosaur onesie to school that I lost it.

***

Mikey had decided that the way which the day wanted to greet me today was with him slapping a pillow on my face and screaming in my ear that I was going to be late for school. I yawned, trying to clear the sleep from the foggy corners of my brain. Maybe staying up all night watching Smashing Pumpkins wasn't the greatest idea of my life...

"GET UP GERARD, FOR FUCKS SAKE, MAYBE IF YOU GET TO SCHOOL ON TIME FRANK WILL TALK TO YOU FOR ONCE, INSTEAD OF YOU JUST STARING AT HIM FROM YOUR LOCKER!" Mikey all but screamed at me.

"Jeez, 'mgettingup 'mgettingup," I mumbled, the mention of Frank making me far more eager to get up and get my ass to school on time for once. Mikey nodded in a satisfactory way, then marched out of my room, probably to go bully Mum into getting up so she could give him a lift to Pete's house, from which he walked to (the same) school with Pete.

I pretty much fell out of bed, stumbling around and cursing to myself when I opened the curtains, being blinded was never fun. I made my way over to my closet with sleep still blurring my eyes, and grabbing a random band t-shirt and a pair of jeans I started attempting to get changed. Keyword attempted, because before I knew it, I was stepping backwards and right onto my phone charger, the prongy bits sticking upwards and stabbing into my foot. I howled in pain while hopping around my room, one leg in my jeans and now shirtless.

"Gee, stop dying and get ready for school-" I heard Mikey's voice drift up from downstairs. I huffed, and hurriedly finished getting dressed, stuffing my phone and headphones into my jeans pockets, grabbing my bag and favourite hoodie on the way out of my room. i stopped last the mirror in the hallway and after doing my eyeliner and deeming it good but not too effortful I embarked upon the challenge of finding my shoes. Still pulling on my battered grey (once pure white) converse, I hopped out the door, deciding to ignore Mikey's comments about how much of a bottom I looked today.

***

I walked down the hallway, trying to ignore the glances of people, and therefore ignoring possible conversations, because really, I only wanted to have a conversation with one person who wasn't in my friendship group, and that person was Frank. I got to my locker and was greeted by the 'fro god, also known as basically my only friend, Ray Toro.

"Ayyyy Gerarrrrdd." He called out, rolling his 'r' to make me laugh. Unfortunately for me and the fact that I was very self-conscious about my laugh it worked, and a strange muffled sound escaped me as I tried to hold the laughter back.

"Hey Toro, how's life been in the last however many hours since I last saw you?" I asked, leaning up against the lockers.

"It's uh, it's good, um, how's Mikey?" Ray replied, becoming a blushing mess at the mention of my brother.

"He's good, but he's also still dating Pete, sorry dude." I smiled sympathetically, watching his face fall. Ray had had a crush on Mikey since grade four, despite the one year age gap. Mikey, however, knew nothing about Ray's problem, and had gone waltzing off with Pete, not that I really minded who he was with, as long as he was happy, it's just that I didn't like seeing Ray so upset. Hopefully, one day soon he would get over Mikey and move onto something else, because as far as I could see, it looked like Petekey was here to stay.

"As long as he's happy I guess I'm happy, I just wish I could be the one to make him happy..." I was distracted from Ray's rambling as I saw Frank in the crowd, wearing a fucking dinosaur onesie, and holy fuck, he looked so fucking adorable, and if I was any closer I would have literally launched myself into his strong arms and kissed him softly on his sweet, chapped lips...

I could already tell that today was going to be hard for me, how the fuck was I supposed to hold myself back from full on pouncing on Frank, when he was going around looking like that. Looking that cute should have been illegal. The bell rang from somewhere, and I was rudely knocked out of my fantasies which may or may not have been involving a certain Frank Iero.

"What have we got first?" I asked Ray, feeling to lazy to check my schedule on Google Calendar.

"Uhhh, we haveeeee, urgh maths." Ray groaned, pulling me along the corridor and into the classroom before I had time to run away from the tortures of maths.

***

We went to our usual seats at the back, and I was shocked when none other than Frank sat in the normally empty chair beside me, so shocked that I completely forgot what I was saying and literally sat there for a few seconds with my mouth hanging open.

"Hey cutie, surprised to see me?" Frank gigged from next to me.

"Uh no, I j-just, uh, I- no-one tends to sit there?" I stuttered hesitantly, turning into a pile of mush just from being in the presence of Frank.

"And here I was, thinking that I had shocked you with my amazing onesie." Frank pouted.

"I- no, I love your onesie, I uh, I actually have a skeleton one a bit like it at home." I attempted to bring Frank's smile back. Luckily, I succeeded.

"Yeah, the school don't seem to pleased with it, and I got a few people yelling at me in the corridor, but if you like it then I guess it's all worth it!"

"Hey, if anyone bullies you for it just tell me and I'll go kick their asses, 'kay?" I asked, wanting to make sure that he wasn't being upset by other people.

"Never had you down as a fighting type, more of a 'too shy to say anything but is also completely adorable because of it' kind of type." And great, Frank had me blushing again.

"I mean you're right, I don't normally fight people, but I do have Doc Martens, and if you kick someone enough with them you can make them bleed, so y'know." I shrugged. "Also, I'm not normally shy, I just get all flustered when you're cuteness is around." I added on, getting a strange boost of confidence from somewhere. For once in this conversation, Frank was the one blushing instead of me.

"Y'know, you're pretty damned cute yourself, Gee." He said quietly, and I felt my cheeks burning. I'm pretty sure that my face had gained enough warmth to cook pancakes on at this point.

"We should talk more.." I thought out loud, immediately regretting it afterwards.

"Yeah, we should... maybe we could meet up outside of school one day?" Frank smiled shyly.

"I- uh, yeah that sounds cool." I stuttered, desperately trying not to nod my head frantically.

"Rad." He gave me a thumbs up. "Maybe we could go to Starbucks after school?"

"I mean, I have literally no social life, and am like never busy, so sure!" I laughed.

"Cool, I'll meet you at the front gates after school?"

I nodded, which unfortunately aught the attention of the teacher.

"Mr Way! How dare you interrupt my lesson with your mindless chatter, it's bad enough that you're not paying attention but disturbing the rest of the class? take your work outside and do it at the desk outside the door, hopefully then you will be unable to disturb anyone else!" The teacher yelled at me. I nodded, looking down at the floor as I gathered my things and went outside.

That stupid bitch, I wasn't disturbing anyone while talking to Frankie, no-one even knew we were talking until she started yelling at me for no reason. I sighed and looked down at the work, urgh algebra. Now, just to remember how the fuck algebra worked...

***

Just as I was about to give up all hope and abandon the work in return for a detention, the door opened and Frankie the Dinosaur walked out, and sat in the chair next to mine.

"Uhhh hi? What are you doing out here?" I asked hesitantly, unsure as to why he was out here.

"Hey!" He grinned at me. "I told the teacher what really happened, and while doing so I may have called her a bitch, and I may have gotten kicked out of the lesson... anyways, I'm out here now, and I'm with you so that's making it better already. Also you look like you're about to cry at this work." He pointed out, speaking at a mile a minute.

"Uh yeah, I do not understand maths at all, and thanks for doing that for me Frankie, but maybe next time try not to call them a bitch." I smiled.

"I could help you if you want me to? I'm half decent at algebra..." he trailed off.

"Yes fuck yes, literally any help would be amazing right now!" I exclaimed, my face splitting into a grin.

Frank spent the next few minuets explaining what I had to do, and I had finished the entire sheet within ten minutes.

"Thanks Frank, god, you're really smart!" I complemented him, watching as his cheeks began to glow red.

"Thank you...." He whispered, going back to his own work.

***

It was finally the end of the school day, and I walked outside to find a green dinosaur waiting by the front gates for me.

"So Gerard," he pushed himself off the wall he was leaning on, "there's just one thing I'm unsure of about this little trip to Starbucks. Would you mind answering it for me?" He twirled a piece of his mid length hair around his finger.

"Um sure, fire away." I smiled awkwardly.

"Is this a date, or are we just going as friends?"

I almost choked on air.

"Uh, whatever you want it to be I guess..." I trialed off.

"Well, I want it to be a date because honestly you are literally the cutest being to ever exist, your smile lights up my day, the way which you talk with your hands, and your voice! Fuck, your voice is spectacular. So yes, I would want this to be a date, in fact I would love for this to be a date, but, the question is, do you want it to be a date?"

I was a blushing mess from that, stuttering so badly that I wad barely able to form a word, let alone a sentence, so I just nodded my head frantically.

"Yes! Yes, I would love for this to be a date, I may or may not have had a crush on you for uh, over ten years now..." I told him as soon as I had regained the power of speech.

"Well then, I guess this is a date. Um, I'm sorry if I'm moving really fast but uh, I really really want to kiss you right now-"

I broke him off by pressing my lips to his softly, feeling him press his body up against me. I pulled away, smiling to myself. I grabbed his hand and entertained my fingers with his.

"C'mon then, let's go, COFFEE AWAITS!" I laughed and ran down the road, pulling Frank with me. I had lost the game, but maybe I had also just won the game, as now I have my amazing boyfriend Frank, also know as the Frankisaurus.

***


	7. I Love You Too, Jelly Bean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *TW for use of slurs/transphobic remarks*

Why did it have to be me? Why couldn't I just have been born in the right body, I'm sure that there was someone out there who would have wanted nothing more than to swap bodies with me. I was sick of having to bind to make my chest flat, I was sick of being judged as different, why couldn't they just see that I was a boy? That's all that matters. If someone says that they are that gender, then they are that gender until they tell you otherwise, respect their pronouns and stop judging them! It really wasn't too much to ask... was it?

Every day I got forced into that hellhole of a school by my parents, and every day I would get misgendered continuously. It had gotten to the point where my mum had become so sick of me constantly coming home crying that she had called up the school, and demanded that they sort out the bullies. The problem was, it wasn't just kids who misgendered me, it was also teachers. Some of them didn't do it on purpose, they just forgot occasionally, but some of them would smile maliciously at me as they called me 'Gee', and referred to me as 'she' or 'her'. And every day I would go home crying, feeling worthless and invalid, just because I was born into the wrong body, and nobody seemed to want to accept that fact. Well, nobody other than my family (including Pete and Ray, also known as Mikey's friends) and my best friend, Frank. Well, maybe I liked him a bit more than a friend, but it didn't really matter, I had no chance with him anyway, he was perfect, and I was basically the opposite. I had ugly marks from where my binder rubbed and pressed into my skin, I was never quite fully flat chested, and I still had all of the rest of my feminine curves. In reality, I would never fully look like I wanted to, but I could still dream... right?

***

And just as I thought that for once I had been granted of my wish of being left alone all day, I saw the form of none other than Brendon Urie making his way up the corridor towards me. Maybe if I just ran he would leave me alone for once?

"Oy, tranny!" Brendon's obnoxious voice floated down the corridor towards me. I turned around slowly, knowing exactly what was about to happen, as it had been the exact same thing for the past seven months, two weeks, and six days since I had come out at school. If I ran now, I would only make it worse for myself.

"What do you want?" I asked, trying (and probably failing) to keep my voice light and hate free.

"Oh, I think we all know what I want. After all, I have been asking you the same thing every day since you first claimed to be a boy." Brendon spat out, all while trying to keep a cheery demeanour.

"Brendon. I am a boy, and I'm not lying or faking it for attention. When are you going to grow up and just learn to accept people for what they are?" I sighed.

"Oh but Gee," he hissed at me, "I am right. You're born who you are and you can't change it. Last time we did this you admitted that you didn't have a dick, so how can you be a boy? Y'know, if you're faking it, it's better just to come clean, people won't be that mad at you, just admit that you're doing it for attention. Just because you hide your tits does not mean that you have the excuse to class yourself as something you're not. You are a girl, when are you just going to grow up and accept it?" He threw my words back at me, mocking my voice.

"I- I'm valid, I am valid, I am valid-" I tried to repeat under my breath, before I got my breath slammed out of me by Brendon shoving me to the ground.

"If you just admit it this will be easier for both of us..." he sneered at me, standing over my body. I shook my head determinedly, I was valid, he was wrong, I was a boy, just a boy trapped in a girls body.

"Well then you're just asking for this aren't you?" He told me, phrasing it as more of a statement than a question, before kicking me as hard as he could in the stomach. I curled up defensively, wheezing as I tried to catch my breath.

"Maybe this will help you with hiding your tits!" He exclaimed, while kicking me as hard as he could in the chest. My chest gd already been aching badly from me binding for the past thirty-six hours, and I almost screamed in pain, trying and failing to hold back the tears.

"Maybe next time you'll have realised that it's in your best interest to come clean." Brendon spat at me, before turning and sauntering back down the corridor.

***

Less than ten minutes later and I had peeled myself off of the corridor floor and was knocking on Frank's door, hoping to hell and beyond that he was in. Tears were now rolling freely down my face, and I just needed to talk to someone other than my mum (that someone preferably being Frank).

"Hey Gerard!" He greeted the door with a smile on his face, which immediately dropped as soon as he saw the state which I was in. "Jesus, what happened? Gerard?!"

"I- Brendon-" I sniffled out, pathetically.

"Jelly Bean, I need you to calm down and tell me what happened, okay?" I nodded, trying to take in deep breaths. For some reason Frank had taken to calling me Jelly Bean recently, not that I minded. In fact every time he used it I would get butterflies, and now was no exception. After a few more seconds of me trying to calm down, I had enough control over my speech to be able to say something which Frank might actually understand.

"I— can I come in?" I asked hesitantly.

"Oh shit, yeah sorry, come in, you can go straight up to my room if you want, I'm just gonna make you a hot chocolate, you look like you need it." Frank smiled at me.

I made my way upstairs to Frank's room, pushing open the door and sitting myself gingerly on the edge of his bed. A few minutes later and Frank was coming into the room, carrying a cup of hot chocolate and kicking the door shut behind him.

"So, Jelly Bean, what's wrong?"

"I um, ok so everything was going great, well greats not exactly the word I would choose, but it wasn't horrifically crap yet, um anyways, then Brendon saw me, and I- uh, he started doing the usual stuff, y'know the slurs and the entire 'you're faking it' thing. Um but then he pushed me over and kicked me really hard in the stomach and chest, and it really fucking hurt and uh yeah." My chest was still aching from where he had kicked me. Frank looked furious.

"Gee- shit Gerard I mean, how long have you been binding for since you last took your binder off for a break?" Frank asked, and something in his eyes told me that I would be completely unable to wriggle my way out of this one.

"Um, something like thirty-six hours..." I trailed off.

"Gerard. You need to stop doing that, it's not good for you. Look, go to my desk, you see the massive grey hoodie?" I nodded. "Yeah take that, it's massive on me so it'll be huge on you, and it should make you feel a tiny bit less dysphoric. Now, go into the bathroom and take your binder off, and put on my hoodie."

He raised his hand as I was about to protest against him. "No, Jelly Bean, you need to give your chest a break. Go take it off, and I will know if you don't, and are lying to me." Frank sounded genuinely upset at the thought of me lying to him, so I found myself nodding, and took his hoodie into the bathroom so I could get changed.

I took my binder off and pulled his hoodie over my head without giving myself a chance to look down. I glanced at the mirror on the wall of the bathroom, and to my surprise, Frank had actually been right boot the hoodie, it was kind of making me look a bit more flat chested than I normally would without a binder. I stuffed my binder into the pocket at the front of the hoodie, and made my way back over to Frank's room. He looked up at me as I walked in the door, and watched me as I went to my bag to put my binder inside.

"Thank you Jelly Bean, and please promise me that you will never wear your binder for more than eight hours at a time."

I looked down at the floor, refusing to meet his gaze. I didn't want to agree to that, I needed to wear my binder, it was the only thing that gave me any confidence.

"Look, if you promise not to bind for too long, then I will give you that hoodie so that you can wear it when you're not binding, 'kay?"

I really didn't have a choice in this, so eventually I gave in and nodded. Frank's face lit up and he flung his arms around me, burying his face into my neck.

"'M sorry for being so demanding Jelly Bean, I just get scared when I think about you accidentally hurting yourself. Also, when I next see Brendon I am going to murder that son of a bitch, and no, there is no point in trying talk me out of it, he hurt you, he can't just get away with that!"

"Mm it's okay, but why do you care so much? He is kind of right, it's not like I'm biologically a boy. i'm still in a girls body." I stated, feeling slightly self-conscious about Frank's body being so pressed up against mine.

"Gerard. If you say you are a boy, then you are a boy. You're biology won'y change that fact." Frank sounded stern.

"Why are you so nice to me? I'm invalid, as everyone so kindly reminds me every day." It was true, I was treated like I was invalid by the majority of the human race, so therefore I was invalid. Frank got up off the bed and began to search through his desk drawer.

"Frankie? What are you doing?" I asked hesitantly, as he came back to the bed where I was sitting, carrying a piece of paper in his hand.

"This, Jelly Bean, is a list of things which I love about you. And I am going to read it out loud so that you know just how amazing you are, and how you are valid, even if the monsters who call themselves humans don't agree with me."

I blushed.

"Ok, things which I love about you. I love your smile, I love the way which you get all excited when a new comic book comes out, I love the way which you can describe things which you imagine so passionately that it feels like they're right there in front of my eyes, I love how you can take anything and twist it so that it seems like it was always a part of you, I love your hair, and the way that your constantly dying it a different colour, I love how you blast music so loud that the walls literally vibrate, I love your voice, and the way it sounds when your singing, I love the way that your tongue sticks out slightly when your concentrating on something, I love how annoyed you get about the tiniest little mistakes, I could go on. Honestly Gerard, I love so much about you, and you are valid, you are completely and utterly valid, just as valid as anyone else."

I shook my head, no. "How can you love all of the things about me when they aren't even there?" I questioned him.

"But it is there, and I know it's there because I can see it, and I love you for all of it. You don't get what I'm saying do you? I like you, like in more than a friendly way." Oh. Oh.

"I- I uh-" I stuttered out.

"I knew that telling you was a bad idea, I get that you don't feel the same way, you don't have to pity me." Tears were shining in Frank's eyes as he moved away to put the piece of paper back on his desk. My arm shot out to catch his sleeve.

"No, I- I really like you too." I admitted quietly. Frank's eyes brightened at once, and he looked up sharply.

"Y-you do?"

"I- uh, yeah." I giggled softly.

"Y'know we aren't even together and I think that I'm in love with you." Frank laughed slightly.

"Yet." I corrected. Frank looked at me confused. "We aren't together yet. Frank Iero will you do me the greatest pleasure, and make me the happiest boy alive by agreeing to be my boyfriend." I asked him pretending to be a posh British dude.

"Only if you agree to be my boyfriend as well." He smirked at me.

"I'm yours. I'm only yours, I have been since the beginning." I replied.

"You're a cheesy bastard aren't you?" Frank giggled, kissing my cheek.

"Even better, I'm your cheesy bastard." I retorted, as Frank leant in, before slowly connecting our lips, and the fireworks and magic went off behind my eyelids.

***


	8. I Can Be Thousands Of Miles Away And Still Love You Just As Much

I really fucking missed him, even though I've never met him in real life. I just wanted to cuddle him and kiss him and give him all of the love and appreciation he deserved, but I can't, because of the three thousand six hundred and seventy five plus miles separating us. I wished that I lived in America (specifically near to where he lives), or that he lived in the UK (specifically near to where I live) so that we could actually see each other, actually talk to each other instead of just reading the words off of a screen. We'd been dating for almost a year now and I still hadn't heard his voice. I bet it's beautiful, just like the way his entire personality is beautiful. You can call me young and stupid if you want, but there was one thing that I was sure of: I was completely and utterly in love with Frank Iero.

There's only one problem (apart from the entire living halfway across the world from each other thing) which was that neither of us were meant to be on the website where we had met. We had both made accounts without our parents knowing, and he had found me and started talking to me. We had eventually made it to a point where we trusted each other enough to swap phone numbers, and that made it infinitely easier, although we could still only text, as my parents had disabled international calls on my phone so that I wouldn't put them into bankruptcy. I still loved him though, he sent me pictures of himself and fuck he's adorable. Honestly, I still wonder as to how I had gotten to be so lucky as to have him want to date me, he could easily have done a thousand times better, but I'm not complaining.

He was five or so hours behind me, which means that I would fall asleep and wake up before him. But that's a good thing for me, because whenever I had to leave he would send me cute messages, things telling me how much he loves me, and waking up to those is one of the best feelings ever. I hoped that he felt the same when I tried to give him cute things to wake up to, but being cute was never really my strong point considering that this was my first relationship that had lasted over a week, and my second relationship ever. I don't even know if I'd count that first one as a relationship, since I was only 'dating' my best friend for five or six days before they broke up with me.

***

I woke up this morning feeling strangely depressed, ever since I had started talking to Frank I had started feeling lighter, happier, and just better in general, and now was one of the only exceptions. I grabbed my phone, and felt heat rise in my cheeks and a smile tug at my lips as I read what he had sent me when I had fallen asleep last night;

 **Frank (my cheesy sap of a boyfriend 🥰):** _I suck at poetry (can this even be classed as poetry?), and none of this shit rhymes but voila_

_I love you more than I love New Jersey_

_And I know that the distance doesn't make it easy_

_But one day we'll meet, and that will be rad_

_Until then just know that I'll love you always_

_I love you more than you could ever comprehend Gee, xo frnk <333_

Honestly, he may have been a complete and utter cheesy sap of a boyfriend (with a slight lack of ability for writing poetry), but he was my cheesy sap of a boyfriend, and he never failed to make me smile, no matter how hard life was for me, and I really, really, fucking loved him. I shot back a text telling him that I loved him too, and then sent him a photo of my cats (Mitch and Lotion). It was almost like routine now, I would send him back a cheesy message full of hearts and 'I love you's, and then I would send him a picture of two of my cats.

I spent the rest of the morning moping around, waiting until my fucking gorgeous boyfriend would wake up. Whenever my phone pinged with a new notification I would literally pounce on it, and then feel my entire being deflate when I saw that it wasn't him. So maybe I was acting just a bit obsessive, but I seriously loved him, and he was one of the only reasons why I was still breathing, still living on this Earth. Just after I had given up on waiting for him to reply, and had started reading comic books instead, I felt my phone vibrate in my jeans pocket, and to my extreme happiness, it was Frank.

 **Frank (my cheesy sap of a boyfriend 🥰):** _Gee, I have something really important that I need to tell you, and before you panic, it's nothing bad, in fact it's the opposite, text me as soon as you can and I'll tell you what's up, I love you the most, Gee, xo frnk <333_

 **Me:** _AYYYY FRANKIEEE YOUR AWAKEEEE!!! What's up?! I must know now, you made me curious >:( also not possible, I love you the most :) <33333_

 **Frank (my cheesy sap of a boyfriend 🥰):** _ok, so you know how my mom said that we were gonna go on holiday in a few weeks..? Well, we're coming to England!!!! And even better, I've managed to persuade her to let us stay in the town where you live for a night or two :D GEE, THIS MEANS WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO FINALLY MEET EACH OTHER IN REAL LIFE HOLY FUCK, I SWEAR TO GOD IF I MANAGE TO SEE YOU I WILL SPEND ALL MY FUCKING TIME CUDDLING AND KISSING YOU AND TAKING YOU OUT FOR COFFEE AND SLUSHIES AND HOLY FUCK GEE <33333333_

 **Me:** _WAIT WHAT?! HOLY FUCK YESYESYESYES NJL2IUHUVWJ,BHDBUOWHRUB PLEASE HOLY FUCK I'M SMILING SO MUCH YOU'D BETTER GET YOUR ASS HERE AS SOON AS PHYSICALLY MOTHERFUCKING POSSIBLE <3333333333_

 **Frank (my cheesy sap of a boyfriend 🥰):** _OK SO I JUST ASKED MY MOM WHEN WE'RE GOING, AND SHE SAYS IN A WEEK AND A HALF, SO WE SHOULD BE WITH YOU IN LIKE 12 OR 13 DAYS!!!!! <333333343333_

 **Me:** _HOLY FUCK, YOU HAD BETTER BE BEING FUCKING SERIOUS FRANK IERO, AND YOU HAD BETTER GET YOUR ASS HERE WITHIN THE NEXT TWO WEEKS, HOLY FUCK I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO BEFORE YOU ARRIVE <333333333333_

 **Frank (my cheesy sap of a boyfriend 🥰):** _awwwwww, you're so cute, and no, I am in no way kidding, we are actually coming to mothrefucking England, and to where you motherfucking live <3333333333333_

 **Me:** _ok, holy fuck, ok so we need to figure out a way too meet which doesn't make it seem like we already know each other <33333333333_

 **Frank (my cheesy sap of a boyfriend 🥰):** _Mhm, it's fine we can just meet up somewhere like an ice rink or something (you said that you skate, right..?) <33333333333333_

 **Me:** _wait yes, and you said that you're crap at it, so what we could do is:_

_You persuade your mum to go ice skating on *insert date here*_

_I also go skating that day_

_I see you failing to skate so I go over and ask if you want any help_

_I offer to teach you_

_You're mum will agree coz she seems like she's like that_

_We go off on basically a skating date_

_We tell you're mum we swapped numbers so that we could stay in touch, and that way we can text each other, and not have to hide the other from our parents (and I'll tell my mum the same thing when I get home)_

_I mean, if that's ok with you..? <333333333333_

**Frank (my cheesy sap of a boyfriend 🥰):** _yes gee, that's literally perfect *virtual cuddles* god how are you so fucking smart..? I still don't understand how I got so lucky with you :) <333333333333333_

 **Me:** _hhhhh, you're cuter... anywhore what day are ya coming here..? <33333333333333333333_

 **Frank (my cheesy sap of a boyfriend 🥰):** _uhh lemme just check…_

 **Frank (my cheesy sap of a boyfriend 🥰):** _yeah, we're gonna get there on the 12 August, and leave on the 15, I asked my mom if we could go skating, um, so can we try and meet at the ice rink on like the 13..? We have like a weeks holiday spare so if we really like it there we can stay for an extra week :) <333333333333333_

 **Me:** _HOLY FUCK YES, OK LET ME JUST GO TELL MY MUM THAT I'M GONNA BE OUT THAT DAY <3333333333333333_

 **Me:** _Ok, she says it's cool, she also says that I need to get my lazy ass out of bed and go do something productive so if I don't die I'll be back later :) ilysm <3333333333333333333 ___

__**Frank (my cheesy sap of a boyfriend 🥰):** _mmm ok, please don't die 🥺, and I love you too <333333333333333__ _

__Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck! Frank was coming here! I actually had a chance of seeing him, of running my fingers through his hair, of resting my head against his chest, of fulfilling every fantasy I had of him. In the meantime, however, I had to go help my mum make salad for lunch._ _

__***_ _

__Today was the day that I was meeting up with Frank, and to say that I was worried would have been an understatement. I had confided in Mikey about my relationship with Frank, and after he confirmed that Frank was not, in fact, trying to murder or kidnap me, he became extremely supportive of us. So supportive that he let me third wheel his and Pete's date for the first few hours, so that I wouldn't be alone at the ice rink while waiting for Frank. I had spent hours picking out what I should wear, and eventually I settled on a pair of (strangely stretchy) skinny jeans, a dark green top with 'GREEN DAY' printed in massive letters on the back, and a leather jacket. I quickly applied my eyeliner and rusty red eyeshadow, before grabbing a beanie hat and my arm length fingerless skeleton gloves (just in case I decided to freeze at the ice rink)._ _

__The entire way into town I was shaking horrendously, and it didn't help that we had to take the public bus, as Mum was too busy to drive us in, and my anxiety did not like busses, not one little bit. After we had gotten there, and Mikey and Pete had rushed off to be disgustingly soppy together I kind of just trailed awkwardly around the ice rink, practicing spins and then just giving up and going up to the cafe thingy to buy myself a coffee. I was still shaking from nerves, so I sat down on one of the benches by the rink, nursing the warm cup between my sleeve covered hands. I was staring intently at the door, waiting for my fucking gorgeous boyfriend to walk through them. I had been just about to go call Ray so that I could cry to him about Frank not showing up (and at this point I was pretty sure that he never would) when I heard a slightly high-pitched giggle coming from the entrance, causing me to look up immediately._ _

__I felt my breath catch in my throat as I caught his eye, fuck. He had looked fucking amazing in those pictures he had sent me, but here, in the now, fuck, he was what can only be classed as pure perfection. He grinned at me, before pulling out his phone and turning back to his mum, who was buying tickets for them. I felt my phone buzz not long after._ _

__**Frank (my cheesy sap of a boyfriend 🥰):** _Holy f u c k, you look breathtaking :) wait there for a few minutes until we get skates and shit, and when I start dying like a (very short) giraffe on ice skates, then come help me. I can't wait to properly talk to you <33333333333333333333333__ _

__I watched him as he walked down the steps to the ice rink, and then into the back room where you could rent skates from. It was only then that I remembered to take a sip of my coffee, which had begun to go cold in my time waiting for Frank._ _

__***_ _

__He stepped onto the ice and almost immediately had to grip onto the edge to stop himself from falling over. His mum wasn't much better, if I'm being honest, and they both looked slightly scared for their lives. Being the absolutely amazing boyfriend I was, I waited for around ten minutes of letting them suffer, before skating over to them._ _

__"Um, hey?" I said softly, once I had reached Frank and his mum._ _

__"Hey yourself." Frank quickly replied back._ _

__"Um ok, so I was skating around and I noticed that you were struggling, uh, d'ya maybe want some help..?" I asked hesitantly, feeling blush rise on my cheeks at the thought that maybe Frank's mum could see right through my act._ _

__"Fuck yes, that would be so rad! As you may have noticed, there is a high chance that I will die if I'm left by myself on this rink." Frank grinned at me. He turned to his mum before shouting: "Hey Mom! This guy offered to stop me from dying, so I'm gonna go try to learn how to skate with him, my phone's on if you need me."_ _

__His mum nodded distractedly, presumably she was slightly preoccupied trying to keep herself upright. I held my hand out to Frank and he grabbed it almost immediately, while I set off, towing him around the ice rink while trying to avoid crashing into little kids who seemed to be going every-fucking-where._ _

__***_ _

__Frank giggled and whooped as I swerved through the crowds of people, pulling him along behind me, and honestly I had never heard anything quite so cute. His voice was amazing, and I thought that it fit him perfectly, I couldn't quite picture what he would sound like if he had sounded differently. I span around in a one-eighty, grabbing his other hand so that I was holding both of his hands in mine as I continued to tow him along, me now going backwards. Frank seemed like he was having the time of his life, and he kept calling out to me whenever I was about to crash into something/someone. At one point when we were going through a particularly busy bit of the rink, with all of the not-so-able skaters clinging onto the edge, I pulled his small frame right up close to mine, and wrapped my arm around his waist as he leant his head against my shoulder. I slowed down to a stop by one of the exits off of the ice so that I could get some water, but continued to hold Frank close to me. After I was done guzzling down the only water I had, I looked down at Frank, noticing the way that his molten hazel eyes were staring at me, his lashes unmoving and pink tinting his cheeks Fromm the cold. It was only now that I realised that he was only wearing skinny jeans, a misfits top and a denim jacket, Jesus he must have been freezing. I went to shrug off my jacket so that he could wear it instead of his flimsy denim one, but he shook his head._ _

__"No, Gee, baby, you'll freeze..." he looked up at me with wide eyes, eyes which looked sad just from the thought of me being cold, and internally my heart became nothing more than a puddle._ _

__"Nuh uh, nopity nope nope, I'm boiling from skating around, you're literally shivering, you're taking it-" I leant down to grab my gloves out of my bag, "-and these. They probably won't make you completely warm, but it's all that I have, sorry." I genuinely felt guilt for not having anything warmer to give Frank, so I draped my jacket over his shoulders, watching in awe as he melted into the warmth of it, all while pulling on my arm length gloves._ _

__I wrapped my arms around him and sat down on the bench thingy, pulling him onto my lap as I did so. It may have sounded cheesy, but I hoped that sharing my body warmth with him would help to make him warmer. He cuddled into my chest, and I rested my chin on top of his head, which was buried into my neck, and I couldn't help but to inhale softly at the wonderful smell of his hair, it just smelt right on him, it smelt like Frank, that was the best way which I could describe it. We sat contently like that for a few minutes, despite the bustling business of the rink, we were sat in a corner away from the majority of people there, so we were mostly along._ _

__"Gee..." Frank almost whimpered against my chest._ _

__"Mm?" I hummed in response._ _

__"I- I- do... um, when I leave, are we still gonna be the same? Like, us meeting isn't really gonna change our relationship in any way... is it? Like we'll still be boyfriends... right?" He buried his face further into the dip of my neck, while I rubbed comforting circles onto his back._ _

__"Of course, Fliss Floss Candy Floss, I love you, remember?" I don't know why I called him that, it just seemed like a slightly good idea. And apparently it was a good idea, as I heard Gerard whine in embarrassment as I felt his face heat up against my neck._ _

__"Mm good.. 'coz I don't know what I'd do without you, GeeBee." He slurred as he lifted his face up to look at me. Fuck, he was so close to me that I could see all of the lights dancing in his eyes, the lines around his mouth from smiling so much, the slightly out of place strands of hair blowing gently around his head in some non-existent breeze, every singe freckle and every single hair, but his lips, those were the one thing which I couldn't keep my eyes off of. Oh, how I wanted to feel those lips on mine, to be able to feel the slight chappednes of them, feel his (seriously) long lashes brushing against my face as the coldness of his lip ring jarred against the warmth of his lips. I forced myself to drag my eyes back up to his face, back up to the swirling pools of colours which were his eyes. I licked my lips slightly, the lingering urge to kiss him was still eminent, I couldn't will it down._ _

__"Um, Frankie-" my voice cracked so I coughed slightly to clear it, "Frankie..?" I tried again._ _

__"What's up Gee?" He responded, seeming to break out from some kind of a daydream._ _

__"I- um, I really seriously wanna kiss you right now, but um, I figured that I should probably ask you firs-" I was cut off by a sudden warmth surrounding my lips, and my eyes widened when I realised that it was Frankie, my beautiful Frankie, who was kissing me. My eyes fluttered closed as I felt his lips move softly against mine. This was my first kiss. I wanted to try to do something, anything, back, but I couldn't, I didn't know how to and I was too scared to try anything in case he would leave me because I was such a bad kisser, so instead of moving my lips, I moved my arms. One of my hands snaked upwards, running lightly through his hard until it rested softly on the back of his head, while my other hand curled around his neck. Frank's hands repositioned themselves on my shoulders, until they were clasped around my neck. Frank swivelled around in my lap, locking his legs around my waist while we were now chest to chest, and not once did our lips disconnect._ _

__My hand moved from where it was wrapped around his neck, running down his neck and then onto his chest. Frank licked my bottom lip, and when I didn't open my mouth he nipped at my lip before whispering "open" into my mouth. I opened my lips automatically, letting him slide his tongue in and try to map out my mouth. I could feel him getting slightly harder against my legs, and I knew that I was doing the same (fucking teenage hormones) so I pulled away softly, as my eyes opened, blinking as they tried to adjust to the harsh light. Frank pouted slightly, and looked down, before resting his head against my shoulder again._ _

__"'M sorry baby, I promise that I'll make it up to you later, I just don't wanna do something here and get caught, after all, I spend a lot of my time here and I don't wanna be judged for being that one kid who hooked up here that all of the staff hate. I promise that I'll make it up yo you, okay?"_ _

__"Mm." Frank nodded against my shoulder. "We should go find Mom, she'll be wondering whether you tried to kill me or something."_ _

__I agreed with him and so we left, trudging up the stairs to the cafe thingy to try and find Linda (Frank's mum)._ _

__***_ _

__We reluctantly let go of each other's hands as I pushed open the door to the cafe, the blast of warm air hitting me head on._ _

__Frank nodded at me to stay where I was, while he went to go talk to Linda about something. After a few minutes he grinned brightly and beckoned me over._ _

__"So, Frankie here says that you taught him how to not fall over on the ice?" Linda fired at me._ _

__"Uh, yeah I did." I smiled awkwardly._ _

__"Ok, so we were wondering if you would like to stay with us for lunch, as I'm sure that you had better things to do then help Frank, and I would like to be ablate do something in return." She sounded sincere._ _

__I blushed, looking to Frank for help. He nodded his head excitedly, a grin still plastered onto his face._ _

__"Um, yeah, thanks Mrs Iero, I would love to stay if it wasn't a bother to you."_ _

__"Oh, call me Linda dear, and it's no bother at all, you and Frank seem to have hit it off, and I think that it would do him some good to have friends out of America, so I would be glad to have you stay." She said, warmly._ _

__I smiled politely in return._ _

__***_ _

__Frank grabbed my hand under the table, entwining our fingers while we were eating, and refusing to let go, so I had the fun challenge of How To Eat With One Hand. Linda kept on firing question at me, asking about my family, my hobbies, my likes and dislikes. I tried to answer as politely as I could while continuing to eat with one hand. I saw Linda glance between us, and I'm pretty sure that she had figured out that we were more than friends; she wasn't stupid. One of us was staring at the other, while the other looked at his plate with blush stirring his cheeks, and both of us were only eating with one hand, coincidentally the arm furthest away from each other. Hopefully she would still be fooled with the impression that we had only met today._ _

__"Frankie, you should give Gerard here you're number." Linda broke the silence._ _

__Frank nodded as he finished eating his food._ _

__"I already did. We swapped numbers after he taught to skate, so that we could keep in touch when I leave." Frank smiled softly._ _

__"Aw sweet, I knew that you two were gonna hit it off with each other." Linda replied._ _

__"Y'know, you should come over meet my family if you're sticking around for a while, they're always getting at me for needing to make more friends, and they'll be thrilled when they find out that I have finally made one besides my brother and his boyfriend/ex-boyfriend."_ _

__Linda nodded at Frank. "Sure thing honey, we're staying here for up to a week longer, so hopefully you two will be seeing more of each other." She said._ _

__"Great! Lemme just text my mum to tell her that I made a friend, and then I'll give you her number so that you two can organise something!" I exclaimed as I shot off a text, happy that my plan had worked._ _

__My phone pinged a few moments later, and I nodded at Linda as she gave me her phone so that I could save my mum's number into her contacts._ _

__We hung around up there for a few more minutes, before Linda announced that she and Frank ought to be going. We all stood up and said our goodbyes, and Frank kissed me on the cheek which made me a stuttering, blushing mess. As I was leaving I heard Linda talking to Frank: "aw, I can see that you like him Frankie, and I'm gonna do anything I can to get you guys together..." her voice drifted off, and I was left there, blushing even harder than before._ _

__***_ _

__It was three days later, and the Iero's were coming over to meet my family over dinner. I was both excited and nervous as fuck, and I sent all morning tearing around the house like a madman, trying to persuade my parents not to embarrass me, and make my room seem vaguely presentable, instead of the abomination that it normally was. Eventually, I heard the doorbell ring, and with a mad race between my and Mikey to get to the door first, I managed to get it open. Outside were stood Linda and Frank, and I still hadn't gotten used to how gorgeous he was. I shook myself out of my dAze and beckoned for them to come inside, where my parents were waiting to meet them._ _

__I grabbed Frank and pulled him up to my room as I let the adults introduce themselves to each other. Frank sat on my bed, leaning agains the wall, and I crawled over to him and laid my head down in his lap. His fingers started trailing absentmindedly through my hair, and I mewled at his touch. He leant down to kiss me, and I let him roll me over until he was lying on top of me, my legs wrapped around him. He pulled away panting, and was about to say something when my bedroom door swung open._ _

__"Hey Gerard— EW WHAT THE FUCK NO EW EW THIS ISN'T FAIR WHY Gerard, WHY, YOU NEVER USED TO BE THIS MUCH OF A SLUT, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE TO WALK IN ON YOU PRACTICALLY DRY FUCKING FRANK, EW EW EW!" Mikey screamed, backing to of my room and slamming the door shut. Frank looked down at me and burst out laughing, rolling off of me and back onto my bed. I stayed where I was, laying on my back, and our hands managed to find each other across the bed._ _

__"Y'know... we should tell our parents about this, about us later." Frank stated. I nodded._ _

__"Yeah, we should do it before Mikey blabs about us as revenge for making him see that..." I trailed off._ _

__"It'll be fine, y'know. Both of our parents are completely accepting, we'll be fine."_ _

__"Yeah... thats not what I'm worried about. What will happen when you leave to go back to America?"_ _

__"Well, if our parents know about us then hopefully we can see each other a lot more, and just remember this: I can be thousands of miles away and still love you just as much."_ _

__***_ _


	9. As Good As Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *TW for suicide/guns*

**Frankie Baby:** _ayyyyy Geeee, I learnt a new riff on guitar :D_

**Me:** _oh that's rad_

**Frankie Baby:** _yep it is_

**Me:** _I'm sorry_

**Frankie Baby:** _what?_

**Me:** _I'm sorry_

**Frankie Baby:** _why?_

**Me:** _M sorry for making everything into a big deal, I'm sorry for still being here, I'm sorry for making you have to deal with me and my problems_

**Frankie Baby:** _huh? I'm confused lmao_

**Me:** _I'm sorry for wanting to leave, I'm sorry for not telling you how crap everything really is_

**Me:** _I'm sorry that I was never there for you more_

**Frankie Baby:** _Gee_

**Frankie Baby:** _WHAT ARE YOU DOING_

**Frankie Baby:** _STOP_

**Frankie Baby:** _PLEASE_

**Frankie Baby:** _PLEASS_

**Frankie Baby:** _PLEASE_

**Frankie Baby:** _PLEASE_

**Frankie Baby:** _PLEASE_

**Frankie Baby:** _Gee_

**Frankie Baby:** _ANSWER ME_

**Me:** _hi_

**_*Incoming Call From Frankie Baby*_ **

"GEE!" His voice made me almost regret it. "Why are you sorry?"

"I am."

"No. Tell me why you are sorry."

"I am."

"No! Tell me why you are sorry. Please."

"I am."

"No. Tell me right now why you are sorry."

"I am telling you. I"m sorry because I'm sorry."

"I- what do you mean Gerard? Why are you suddenly telling me that you're sorry?"

"Because I just realised that one day I'm gonna do something," I mumbled, "no, one day I might do something, and it will be too late to tel you."

"No!" His voice was thick with tears.

"Shit, I worded that wrong, I mean, one day I might do something, without being able to stop myself, and I just want you to know that I'm sorry if that ever does happen."

"No. You will never. I'm not gonna let you. You can't take my boyfriend away from me."

"Frank... please stop crying." I whispered down the phone, feeling guilty.

"I-I'm scared Gee. I'm scared that this is becoming more than you say it is, and that one day you're gonna do something and I'm not gonna be able to help, or that I'll be too late." His voice trembled.

"I'm fine, Frankie. Don't be scared." I tried to even out my breaths before he noticed how rapid and shaky they now were.

"Gee, why are you breathing so shaky?" Fuck.

"Oh it's um, it's because I'm shivering." I lied through my teeth, trying to hide the fact that I was crying.

"Shit Gerard, I need to go. Promise me that you won't do anything while I'm gone?"

I hummed in response, saying neither yes or no.

"Ok, I'm so sorry about this, I love you fucking much, remember that ok?"

"I love you too Frankie, more than anyone else, ever. Goodbye." I whispered into the phone.

"I'm sorry..." I added on as he hung up. I reached over the gun lying on top of my school books on my desk. I pulled the pre-written note out of my jeans' pocket, placing it on the desk beside me. Switching off the safety catch, I lifted the barrel of the gun up to my head, my fingers closing around the trigger. My eyes squeezed shut as I pulled the trigger, there was no going back. I was as good as dead.

***


	10. Present tense, I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *TW for guns*

I miss him.

***

I had been trapped in that asylum, surrounded by misery and madness, the darkness surrounding me, closing in steadily until a light arrived in the form of Frank. He was with me through everything. He was with me when the men in white lab coats attempted to end the world, he was there when everyone's faces melted like candles, when I was struggling to stop them from tearing off my face, and exposing the dark secrets hidden behind it. He was there when I was thrown into that white padded room; throwing myself at the walls in a frenzied attempt to escape the insanity of my brain. And through it all he promised that he was real; he swore on his life, but I still couldn't be sure.

***

All that I know is real is the aching pain, clenching deep in my gut, telling me that real or not, I still loved — no, I still love him with all of my heart, will all of my being.

***

I had been diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was thirteen years old; up until then my parents just thought that I had a very active imagination. I remember the light grey of the walls, the way my mother's face crumpled like a tissue as she held me close to her as if she was afraid that I would descend into madness as soon as she let go of me. The way that my father's lips were set in a tight line, his face expressionless as he said nothing, instead nodding stiffly. How that was the last time I ever saw him.

They had stolen me away just before my fourteenth birthday, something about me being a 'risk to society'. I can't remember exactly what they said: I was too busy trying to stop them from sealing me into the stiff, uncomfortable straight jacket to listen properly. I had spent the majority of my teenage years in the prion, losing ant hope of having a 'normal' childhood, hiding myself behind pencil sketches and loud music, shutting myself off from everyone who tried to approach me. Until Frank.

To this day I still don't know why he was in the god-awful place, he seemed too pure, too innocent, too sane to be in there. And I fell in love with him instantly. His hair feel perfectly over his flecked-with-gold-hazel eyes, curling around the pale skin of his face where it fell from the faux-hawk that it was cut in, the bleached sides contrasting gorgeously with the dyed blackness of the top of the faux-hawk. His piercings drew me in, but not as much as his tattoos — how could he even have tattoos when he was only fifteen?

***

Maybe this was all a sign that he a figment of my imagination, but I was too stubborn and lonely to want to accept it.

***

A few weeks after I had gathered enough confidence to talk to him, when we had built some form of a close friendship, they moved him into my room: apparently I was the only one who could cheer him up when is bipolar episodes came around. I longed for a stronger relationship with him , longed for him to see me as more than a friend, but yep down I knew that my wish wouldn't come true. How could he love an emotionless, ugly monster like me?

Three months after his arrival he asked me out, giving me a letter full of love hearts and vampires — his punkiness still showing through his romanticness, and by five months after that we had shared the first kiss of many, and confessed our fir 'I love you's. And I did, I loved him more than anything else, him being, quite frankly, the best thing to ever happen to me.

***

What wouldn't I give to have him sitting next to me once more? I can still remember our first kiss, hearts beating erratically from nerves, soft, warm lips pressed to mine, nervous giggles and happy sighs escaping from us.

***

I had just turned sixteen when we escaped, running off through the fields that surround the place, lying low in the ditch in a forest, snatching stolen kisses, hands fining each other and holding tight as we ran, stoping off at a lesser known shop in the middle of nowhere to find water and food before we were off again, finding ourselves on the outskirts of a city when the sun began to chase the dark skies of night away, pink streaking through the overhead skies.

We stayed tucked inside an alleyway for either a few weeks of a few months while Frank tore around the city, trying to find clothes and hair dye selling cheaply. We scraped for food in bins, searching for bags or boxed which had only been thrown away so unceremoniously due to them being past their 'use by' date.

Frank being the angel that he was, he managed to find us relatively well paying jobs at a local Starbucks, letting us earn enough money to actually rent an apartment — maybe not of the best quality, and maybe in a more than slightly dodgy part of town, but at least we had a roof over our heads, and walls to block out the freezing winter wind which tore through the streets, searching for it's next victim.

***

That was before everything went to pieces. That was before I ran out of the drugs prescribed to me to keep my schizophrenia under control, before I had a mental breakdown, and before I bought the gun.

***

When the cold metal was pressed to the side of his head was the first time that I had seen Frank properly lose it outside of his bipolar episodes.

"Gee- Gerard, please, I promise you- i-i'm not a part of your imagination, I swear. You- you can feel me touch you, please Geebee, we can sort this out I swear!" His voice cracked — he sounded desperate. I flipped off the safety catch, squeezing my fingers around the trigger, I didn't want to do it, but my brain was telling me that he was fake, he didn't love me, he only wanted me for my secrets.

"I love you." I whispered as my eyes screwed shut against the desperate turmoil in my head.

As I was about to pull the trigger, the door smashed open, hinges ricking as it swung precariously. Something barrelled int me, making me stumble into the centre of the room, dropping the gun in the process. I backed up, eyes wide, against the wall as the gunmen crept slowly closer, their guns trained on me. I looked up desperately over at Frank, begging for him to help me.

'I love you too, Geebee' he mouthed at me before running in from of the gunmen, my abandoned gun held out in front of him.

"RUN!" He screamed as the first shots rang out.

He was shooting madly, bullets rocketing off the walls and ran, looking back only once to see my boyfriend's, the love of my life's, bloodied corpse falling heavily to the ground. I stood in shock for a few minutes before his final words to me started echoing around my brain. And so I ran.

***

And now look at me. I'm an old, gay, schizophrenic man on a bench in a park, drawing odd looks from passers by. I felt two tears fall from beneath my eyelids, one for me, and one for him. My time on this earth was up: I knew it. Don't worry Frankie, I'll be with you soon.

***


	11. Patrick Knows Best

Gerard honestly looked like he had become part of the sofa, like he had become at one with his inner furniture. He was sprawled out over the cushions, probably no less than thirty blankets wrapped around him. Star Wars (The Return of the Jedi to be precise) was blasting out from his TV, and Gerard was as absorbed into the film as he was the sofa. In fact, he was so absorbed that he ignored his phone, buzzing beside him for the tenth time in two minutes.

Unfortunately for him, he couldn't really ignore the knocking at his door, since all of the lights were on and his TV was blaring, and it was pretty obvious that he was both alive, and at home. Grumbling to himself, he reached around for the remote to pause the film, groaning before he finally accepted his fate and stood up, stretching before stumbling over to the door in his half asleep state, wanting to yell at whoever had interrupted his busy schedule of being happily depressed, and binge watching all of Star Wars. He angrily pulled the door open, completely ready to rage at whoever was on the other side of the door, but his angry facade melted when he saw that it was Patrick on the other side of the door. He just couldn't bring himself to yell at the adorable boy, he was just too sweet and sincere to deserve to be yelled at. And not adorable in a romantic sense, but in a cuddly teddy bear, best friend type of a sense.

"Wdyawant?" Gerard slurred out, his voice cracking from dryness and lack of use as he leant against the door frame.

"And this-" Patrick gestured at Gerard, sighing, "-is exactly why I'm here."

"What the fuck do you mean?"

Patrick cringed at Gerard's harsh tone.

"'M sorry, I mean, what's wrong with me?" Gerard rephrased the question, realising how rude he had sounded. With almost anyone else he would've just said screw it, and continued on with his life, but Patrick was one of his only friends, and the face that he made whenever he was upset was enough to make the guilt twist in Gerard's heart.

"Well, a) the fact that you sound like you haven't talked to anyone in like, two years, and also the fact that you haven't left this apartment once in the past week. So... you're coming with me. You need to stop thinking about Frank, you're just pulling yourself further into the depths when you do that, and for heaven's sake, he still might like you, you've never asked him if he does or doesn't like you, so stop assuming things which probably aren't true."

"But what if I don't want to go." Gerard pouted, crossing his arms like a child.

"Well, you don't really have a choice, I'm dragging you out of your apartment, even if it kills me, and I don't think that you particularly want a corpse as your best friend, although you never cease to surprise me, so you might. Who knows?" Patrick shrugged, smirking a little, but still looking completely sincere.

"Urgh, fine, let's go then." Gerard said, wanting to get it over and done with. He marched towards Patrick's car, but then stopped when he realised that Patrick wasn't following him, and was instead smiling softly while leaning against the wall of his apartment block. "Why aren't you coming?"

"Aren't you forgetting something..?" Patrick trailed off, looking up and down at Gerard's choice of clothing. Gerard looked down at his clothes and swore quietly to himself. He was still wearing his motherfucking batman pyjama bottoms, and a faded Mickey Mouse long-sleeved shirt. When he had gotten changed earlier that day, he had ben dressing for comfort, not necessarily to go out in public.

He marched as angrily as he could back up to the building, then promptly died when he realised that he had left his keys inside his apartment. Which he was now locked out of. In nothing but his pyjamas. And his neighbour who had the spare key to his apartment was gone. For the entire weekend. Fuck his life. Of course, out of every soul in the entirety of the world, this had to happen to Gerard, because the universe clearly hated him, so of course this could all be blamed on the motherfucking universe. He gave up on trying to break into his own apartment, and accepted his defeat, sitting down on the doorstep with his head in his arms.

"Y'know Gerard, just because you're only wearing pyjamas, it doesn't really excuse you from me dragging you out to eat. I don't really know why you're so bothered, you've worn much weirder stuff out in public." Patrick broke the silence. "And, you've made me do way worse than this before so, nope, you have no choice. You. Are. Coming. With. Me." He added on as he saw Gerard's mouth open slightly, ready to protest.

He grabbed Gerard's arm, pulling him into a standing position, then frog marching him to the car, before opening the door and shoving him softly into the seat. Gerard felt like he had just been arrested.

***

Gerard whined at Patrick the entire way into the restaurant, from as soon as they left the car to when someone came out to take their order, when he promptly stopped whining, and instead focused on briefly having a heart attack and dying of embarrassment. Because of course, as he had already established, the universe hated him, so obviously the person who just had to be taking his order, and therefore seeing him in his absolutely fabulous pyjamas would be none other than the infamous Frank Iero, the main reason why Gerard hadn't left his apartment for the past week.

"Frank?" Patrick exclaimed. "I forgot you worked here!" He glanced slyly over at Gerard, who had a growing feeling that this was more than Patrick just forgetting, and more like he was trying to do something about Gerard's incapability of talking to the boy who made his brain turn to pink (or more likely black, considering how many times he dies his hair black) goo.

"Yeah, my grandpa owns this restaurant." Frank grinned at them, before asking them what they would like to drink.

"I'll have lemonade, please." Patrick requested, before looking pointedly at Gerard.

"Coffee." Gerard mumbled grumpily, not bothering to look up from his plate to see the gorgeous hazel eyes which he knew would be no doubt looking at him, feeling like they were searching into his soul, laying everything out for his view, whether Gerard wanted him to or not.

"Gerard." Patrick hissed. "Be nice, ok?"

"Fine. I'll have coffee, please." He still pouted resolutely at the table, picking at the grain.

"You sure, it's quite late for coffee..." Frank trailed off. "And you already seem like you're ready for bed." He added on with a smirk.

"Oh fuck off Iero." Gerard looked up, immediately regretting it when he caught Frank's eye. Frank's eyes were searching his, darting forwards and backwards as if they were looking for something deep in his eyes.

"I never said it wasn't cute. Also you shouldn't swear, there are kids around here." Frank pointed out. Gerard went back to picking at the wood of the table as pink began to flood into his cheeks. Patrick's eyes flicked between them, clearly trying to think of a way that he could push them both into admitting, into telling the other what they both wanted to hear more than anything else.

"Yes, I am sure that I want coffee, and I happen to think that my pyjamas show exactly who I am. It's like a fashion statement." Gerard changed the subject by going back to their earlier conversation.

"Yeah, either that or a death wish." Frank mumbled beneath his breath as he tried to stop himself from leaping onto Gerard and kissing him to the extent that he would probably collapse due to lack of oxygen, but in his defence it was all Gerard's fault. He was the one who had come dressed in the most adorable outfit in the world, not Frank. "Ok then, one coffee and one lemonade, and Patrick I apologise if this hyper-once-coffee-infused bean keeps you up all night, but oh well, it's your problem not mine. I'll be back in a minute to take your main orders." He continued, now back to his more professional speech.

He leant towards Gerard as he took the drinks menu. "And maybe I'll get something super special for you as well." He murmured in his ear. Gerard blushed even harder, genuinely considering whether or not he could just become poof invisible. Frank kissed him quickly on the cheek while his head was blocking Patrick's view before turning around and sauntering back into the kitchen, leaving behind a bright red, spluttering Gerard.

***

"He likes you."

"Will you stop doing that!"

"Stop doing what?"

"Getting my hopes up just for them to be dashed."

"Oh, sorry..." Patrick looked sadly at the table. Gerard immediately felt guilty, but just as he opened his mouth to say so, a wild Frank Iero reappeared, this time armed with coffee and lemonade. The smell hit Gerard instantly as he inhaled the burnt, earthy scent of good coffee, just the mere smell of it making him perk up from his earlier sulk.

"Aw you like coffee a lot, don't you?" Frank chuckled softly at Gerard's antics, his adorableness making his heart beat faster and his brain's ability to work to rapidly deteriorate.

Gerard nodded eagerly in return, his hand already wrapped tightly around the mug, sweater paws and all, breathing in the delicious aroma. Frank reached out and tapped him softly on the nose, the gesture making Gerard's cheeks stain a light pink. Frank swore to himself that he would try to keep him blushing for the rest of the evening. Patrick couldn't help but internally aw at the sight, those two were practically made for each other, whether they knew it or not.

"So, have you decided what you want to eat?" Frank questioned, perching himself precariously on the edge of the cushioned bench-seat-thing that Gerard was sat on. Gerard leant his head softly on Frank's chest, for some unknown reason. Frank decided that he was insanely in love with normal Gerard, and that he would do practically anything for the soft, cuddly version of Gerard.

"Yeah... would it be cool if I had the chicken and mushroom tortellini?" Patrick asked.

"Absolutely, I would recommend that, I've heard that it's really amazing, but of course my vegetarian ass won't eat it, so I couldn't give you a first hand experience. And what about you, mio piccolo ape?" Frank turned to Gerard. Gerard had no idea what Frank had just called him, but from the tone of voice he used, he could only guess that I was a pet-name of some kind.

"I- uh- I'll have the vegetarian spaghetti?" Gerard answered, phrasing it more as a question than a statement. He wasn't even hungry, so he didn't really feel what the point was in ordering a pretty expensive meal when he was a broke college student.

"Now I can safely say that that is perfect, just like someone else I know." Frank planted a kiss in Gerard's hair as he stood up to take their orders back to the kitchen. Gerard couldn't understand why Frank was suddenly being so flirty and close with him, normally he would only compliment him and blush when Gerard compliment him back and... oh. He had always acted like this around Gerard. And Gerard only saw it now that he tried to look for it. It was in the way that he would always be brining Gerard little gifts, whether it be a new sketchbook or a random paperclip with a star stuck on it. It was in the way that he would bite his lip nervously around Gerard, and how Frank was always trying to be close to him. Gerard felt like an idiot for not noticing it sooner.

He decided not to dwell on it too much though, maybe he would just try to hide his not-so-subtle crush a bit less around Frank, and see where that led him. He finally tuned back in to Patrick's idle chatter about various teachers and classes at the college, and how Pete had broken up with his latest boyfriend and maybe he might finally notice Patrick? Gerard hoped he would, for Patrick's sake. Patrick deserved someone to love and care for him, probably more than anyone else in the world.

***

Frank's shift had ended half way through their stay, and Patrick being the kind bean that he was, he invited him to sit with them. Frank sat with his head leant against Gerard's shoulder as he ate, trying to get food to his mouth and stop Frank from toppling off of the seat, since apparently he had absolutely zero sense of balance. Gerard was dreading getting out of that place, where was he supposed to sleep until my neighbour got back with the spare keys?

"Mi angelo, can I ask why you are actually out here in your pyjamas, 'coz I know that it wasn't by choice." Frank slurred into Gerard's shoulder.

"Fine." Gerard huffed. "Patrick came to interrupt my Star Wars binge fest to drag me here, and I left the house while forgetting to change, and then when I realised I also realised that I had left my keys inside. And my door locks automatically when it closes. And my neighbour with the spare key is out of town for a few days. So I'm kind of dreading what I'm gonna do later."

He could feel Frank shaking from silent laughter beside him.

"It's not funny!" He insisted.

"It is kind of funny." Frank retorted. He sat up and looked directly into Gerard's eyes. Gerard got trapped in the swirling hazels and browns, the greens and the slight oranges. His eyes dragged themselves down to his lips. His soft, wet, kissable lips. And he felt myself leaning forward, and he could see Frank leaning froward too, before his eyelids fluttered shut and their lips collided softly in a gentle embrace. Frank's lips moved gently against Gerard's and he kissed just as softly back, their lips moving in a gentle dance between them, to a rhythm that only they knew. Frank pulled away softly, and Gerard was left craving more, but he let his eyes open anyway, and he was shocked to find a man who looked about eighty looking directly at them, and he wasn't expecting the applause, the cheering and the whistles, all of which were aimed at him and Frank as they sat there in each others arms, blushing fifty different shades of pink between them.

"YES, I TOLD YOU Gerard!" Patrick's voice floated over the noise and Gerard didn't have the heart to flip him off, so instead shot him a warm smile.

"Nonno, was that really necessary?" Frank pouted softly while trying to hide his grin.

"Well of course it is," the man replied in a thick Italian accent, "it's not everyday that you kiss the boy who you have been pining after for the past few years."

"Nonno!" Frank all but shrieked in embarrassment, as the man (who Gerard presumed to be frank's grandfather) raised his hands in mock surrender and backed away into the kitchen. Frank buried himself into Gerard's arms from embarrassment as he softly ran his fingers through Frank's hair.

"What I was gonna say was... if you need a place to crash for a few nights you can always stay at mine, I have plenty of space." Frank smiled up at him. Gerard nodded eagerly, glad that that dilemma was now sorted for the time being. He still had no idea what Frank and him were, whether they were boyfriends, or just friends, or what, but he knew that right there in that moment, with Frank in his arms and the memory of his lips on his, Gerard was perfectly happy.

***


	12. Broken Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *TW for self-harm/suicide*

It's snowing and I'm trapped inside. I'm laying under no less than five blankets; while desperately trying to stop the tears from rolling down my face. I'm wearing the fingerless skeleton gloves that he had got me. I have so many memories of him still with me that it seems like every single thing I see reminds me of him. And that's all that he is now: memories. The faint scent of him on his hoodie is beginning to be become less and less prominent the more I wear it; but his face is still at the front of my mind. His eyes, swirling pools of colour, his lips, pink and constantly smiling, his cheeks flushed (especially when I compliment him). And now he is little more than a corpse feeding the maggots, an ever-fading memory in my brain. I still refuse to go into the bathroom where they found him, instead using the one downstairs, just to ignore the image; wrists slit and blood pooling on the floor around him, his face paper white and his body leaning against the side of the bathtub.

The radio is playing softly in the corner, and I pay it no attention until it plays that song. The song that he had chosen to be ours, Sweater Weather. Sobs escape me at the memory of him holding my freezing fingers in his sweater paws, trying to warm me up from the biting chill of the winter, the way he would call me Frankie, and although I hate it from everyone else, I loved the sound of it falling from his cherry-pink lips. Everything was so much brighter and softer with him: the snow glistening and reflecting in the sun, the yells and laughs of kids playing floating into our ears, the way soft, cold snow feels when you're laying on it with a soft, warm body on top of you, kissing you repeatedly; but now it is harsh and grey, rain hurtling down from the sky and turning everything into muddy puddles of slush, the screams of kids in fights and being bullied, the way it feels when there's no one there to keep you warm.

His face is imprinted on my memory, I know every line, every contour of it, I just wish that I know it enough for it to be real, for him to come back to me. Was I not enough for him? Why did he never tell me that he was unhappy? Did I do something? It is probably all my fault that Gerard, the love of my life, killed himself...

It has been six months: is this normal? Is it normal to still be constantly crying, doing nothing but mourn a person six months after their death? I don't know, I have no one to talk to, having pushed everyone away from me, distancing myself from the entire race of humanity. Broken sobs escape my lips, I don't know what to do anymore. If I wasn't so weak then I would have done it a long time ago, any chance to escape this dreary life of endless pain, but no matter how much I want to, I can't. This is my fate, going back and forth, back and forth in a darkened room amongst the grey rain: should I do it? I wish I could. Should I do it? I wish I could. Should I do it?

***


	13. So Happy Together

Gerard wrapped his arms tighter around me and I nuzzled my nose into the crook of his neck, inhaling the scent of him that could only be described as Gerard. I felt so protected, so safe from the horrors of the outside world, momentarily forgetting the shittiness that this world was coming to after so many years of fighting for equality.

"I ever told you how much I love you?" Gerard whispered into my hair. "'Coz I love you a whole fuck of a lot, I love you more than the stars love the sky and I need you in my life more than the islands needs the sea."

"Gee..." I whined, burying my blushing face further into his neck. "We've been through this before. We all know I love you more."

Gerard let out a mock gasp. "How dare you suggest that someone loves someone else more than I love the adorable blushing mess that is my boyfriend!"

"We all know it's true though..." I pulled the blanket over my head and peeks one eye up at Gerard.

"No! This is blasphemy!"

"Gee, I don't think that thats the right word but ok. Can I let you in on a secret?" He nodded and I popped my head out of the blanket so that he could place his ear by my lips. I leant close, my lips grazing his earlobe as I whispered, "I love you the most."

"No. I refuse to accept that, and if you need educated on how much I love you then..." He made grabby hands, slowly moving them towards my stomach. "I... might... just... have... to... TICKLE YOU!" He all but screeched as he skated his fingers over my skin.

He ran his fingers up and down my sides, tickling me relentlessly and making me curl up into a ball and almost crying from laughter: trying to get him to stop.

"Gee, stop, stop, fine, you love me more," I pouted, before whispering under my breath, "not."

"Hey. I heard that." Gerard said. "Do I have to tickle you again?"

"No!"

"Hmm, fine, there's something else I'd rather be doing anyways."

"Hm?" I raised one eyebrow, before he pressed his soft lips to mine, pulling me closer and running one hand through my hair, holding my head in place as his tongue danced with mine along wit our lips to a rhythm that only we knew.

He pulled away softly, his eyes still closed and his mouth stretched into a soft smile.

I felt a pang in my heart, a pang which told me that I couldn't lose Gerard, he was the one who I had spent my teenage years dreaming of, wishing for a knight in shining armour to come whisk me away to a place where I felt loved.

"Our wedding will be full of roses, roses of every shade and colour imaginable." Gerard almost whispered into the air, his voice slightly husky. I snuggled into the side of him, embracing his warmth and softness of his skin.

"Ok. Why?"

"Because each colour signifies something, and almost every colour signifies love in some way, and they will show how my love for you stretches over everything and is never ending, but mostly we will have lavender roses, to signify how you enchanted me at first sight."

I could feel tears pricking in my eyes form how sweet his words were.

"I- I don't deserve you." I sniffled out, trying not to full blow sob.

"No, you don't." Gerard agreed. "You deserve so much better than me, but I really fucking love you and I do promise to give you the best possible life I can." His melting eyes looked hopefully up into mine, beautiful swirling storms of colour. I surged forwards to press my lips across his soft, chapped, just sitting there ready to be kissed lips.

"We will get married, someday." He promised in stolen breaths between kisses. "We'll get married and have kids and pets and everything, and I can treat you like the fucking princess that you are, I can spoil you and we can get rooms for guitars and rooms for vinyls and rooms for comics and rooms for art! And it will be the best thing you have ever dreamed of, I swear it will, I'll do almost anything to make it happen."

"Can we get dogs? We'll get three and name them... Sweet Pea, Lois, and Soup." I proclaimed with a grin.

"Soup?" Gerard looked at me, his eyes twinkling. "Really?"

"What? I like soup ok..."

"And we'll have kids Frankie, god we'll finally be able to adopt kids and have a family besides each other."

"Am I not enough for you?" I gasped in feigned offence.

"Of course you are Frankie, you're my world, my sun, my stars, my fucking universe. It's just that I really wanna have kids who we can watch grow up, who we can raise to help make the world a better place, we can make a difference to a kid's life, we can give them a family."

"Oh my god, you would be the best dad." I said, taking in Gerard's flushed cheeks and the excited hand gestures he was making.

"No better than you." He replied, blush heavily coating his cheekbones. "Anyways, we would have like a fleet of cats-"

"Hold up, aren't you allergic to cats?"

"We can get cats I'm not allergic to." Gerard waved it off.

"Fine, but I'm only allowing it if we also have an army of dogs so that I can rip homophobes and transphobes limb from limb." Frank reasoned.

"Yeah, that's fair enough." Gerard agreed.

"Oh my god, Gee, this would be a dream come true, actually having kids, being married."

"Which reminds me. C'mon." He rolled off the bed, and grabbed a jacket, which he swung on over his pyjamas before holding his hand out to me.

"Where are we going?" I laughed as he led me throughout the house and into the little garden out the backdoor.

"It's a surprise." He said, lights dancing in his eyes, but I also noticed him shaking slightly, and he never once took his other hand out of his jacket pocket.

"Alright then." I giggled as he made a beeline for the little red rosebush at the edge of the garden. Except there was one thing odd about it. Instead of being purely red roses, there was an odd one out. A flower nestled between the branches, with each petal painted a different colour in an outwards spiralling rainbow.

I turned to question Gerard about it, and came face to face with... nothing. Until I looked down. And saw him sitting on one knee, holding the rainbow rose in front of him. I slowly took it from his outstretched fingers, playing softly with the softly painted petals

"This is for you, my love. Each colour symbolises a different emotion. This is all of the positive emotions. All of the emotions you make me feel: the excitement that I feel from the moment that I see you waking up, the love I feel when you're lips are on mine, the pure hope I feel when we think about our future together, and everything else. When I first found you I was on the brink, one more bad thing and I would have been gone, it was all too much. But then you came, you showed me what love was, you showed me what happiness was, and most of all you showed me what living meant. Without you I probably would be dead by now, but instead I'm in the garden of a beautiful house with my even more beautiful boyfriend, hopefully soon fiancé."

He brought out a small black box from his pocket, cracking it open and holding it up to me. My breath caught in my throat.

"You mean so much to me, you are my entire reason for living and the beauty that I see in everything. You are the one thing which can keep me grounded when I'm going through something, and you always know what I need before even I know what I need. And I want to share my life with you in every way possible, I want to be able to call you my husband, to be able to look at you and know that you wear my ring and no one else's, to wonder how I got so lucky to be scored with you. I want to love you the most I possibly can, I want to show just how much you mean to me, and I want to show you how fucking happy you make me. So, Frank Anthony Iero Jr, will you do me the greatest pleasure which I do not deserve, and make me the happiest man to ever walk this face of the and marry me?"

"Yes! Yes, a thousand times yes, you cheesy bastard." The tears of happiness were rolling down my face before I could even process it, as I shakily took the beautiful silver ring and placed it on my ring finger. I leapt up and kissed him as hard as humanly possible, wanting to show the emotions running through my brain but being too shocked and happy to put it into words. He kissed back desperately, and that was one of the happiest times in my entire life. We were one step closer to our dream, as we sat there, lips dancing softly together with a burning love and passion, in the shadow of the rose bush.

***


	14. Vampire Bat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Little Gerard, kind of caregiver Frank, this is NOT sexual, it is age regression (where a person reverts to a younger mindset and acts younger than their physical age). If you don't like it then leave, I will not tolerate any hate.*

“C’mon Frankie!” Gee squealed in excitement. “It’s beginning to get dark, c’mon.” He hopped around excitedly around the hallway as he waited for his boyfriend to finally show up. His vampire cape flew out behind him as he ran up and down the stairs, eagerly anticipating the sweet tase of the candy he would surely collect later that night.

“Gee!” Frank’s voice floated downstairs. “Stop charging around and put your shoes on please, you’re gonna need your energy for later, princess.”

Gee blushed and grabbed his boots: sitting down on the bottom step of the stairs to pull them on and then epically fail at tying the laces. However, he persisted with a little frown on his face, his tongue sticking out slightly as he tried to tie the laces the way Frank had shown him, but when all he managed to do was tie them into a massive knot he gave up and instead called for Frank.

“Frankieeee…” He whined up the stairs, letting his head fall against the wall as he fiddled with the hem of his costume. Frank finally came down the stairs, dressed up in a high collared black shirt tucked into his black jeans, his hair gelled back and a red tie, all topped off with the fangs he had stuck on his teeth.

It had been Gee’s idea to dress up in matching couple costumes, and he was sincerely thankful that Frank had gone along with it as now Gee would be able to see how pretty he was in almost skintight jeans all night. Gee’s costume was similar to Frank’s, but differed in a few places, such as he was wearing a black long sleeved shirt left loose over his black skinny jeans, a black/red lined cape flying out behind him, and his hair left messy, framing his face with the smoky eyeliner, and of course, the little glue on fangs protruding from under his upper lip.

“What’s up Gerard?” Frank questioned, kneeling down in front of him so that they were at head height.

“Not Gerard. Gee.” Gerard corrected.

“Oh, sorry mio piccolo pipistrello, how old are you now?” Frank knew that when Gerard went by Gee it meant that he was little, and he wanted to check what mental age the technically seventeen year old was currently at. 

Gee swung his legs a little and held up five fingers, signifying that he was mentally five years old.

“Ok, pipistrello.” Frank landed a kiss in his hair.

“Laces?” Gee asked hopefully, looking up at Frank with big puppy eyes.

Frank laughed and held out his hand for Gee’s boot, tying up the laces of his red Jayden Max Dr Marten’s as Gee babble about how excited he was for the evening.

Once he was done with Gee’s laces, he stood up, passing Gee his little messenger bag and telling him not to disappear from his sight, before he grabbed his hand and together they walked out into the excited shrieks and yells of kids playing on halloween.

***

“Look! Pumpkins!” Gee exclaimed, dragging Frank over to the decorated house. They had a rule that they would only trick or treat the houses with decorations set up, so Gee had been on the lookout for every mere skeleton or pumpkin by anyone’s front door.

He skipped up to the door, pressing the doorbell and beckoning Frank to come stand closer to him. Once someone had answered the door he let out the cutest little call of ‘trick-or-treat’ and Frank was having to try his absolute hardest not to become a puddle of mush because of his adorable boyfriends actions.

“Aren’t you a little old for this?” The person asked, blinking slightly.

“Um, although he’s technically seventeen, right now he’s in a younger mindset, and he’s really excited about halloween, so if you wouldn’t mind…” Frank stepped forwards to explain.

“Ah,” they let out a noise of understanding, “well, I love your costume! You look absolutely adorable, and I hope you get as much candy as you want tonight!” She reached beside the door and grabbed a bowl of sweets and chocolate. “Here, you can grab a few.” Gerard’s face lit up as he carefully picked two chocolate bars out of the mix, placing them in the growing pile of candy in his messenger bag. Frank mouthed a grateful ‘thank you’ over his head, towards the person who had answered the door, and they silently ‘aww’d back at him.

“C’mon Geebat,” Frank smiled, grabbing his hand again. “Lets go find some more houses, yeah? And remember to say thank you!”

“Thank you very much for the chocolate.” Gee grinned at the person, before leading Frank back up the driveway and on to the next house.

***

“Frankie!” Gee gasped. “Look at that house!” 

It was the most decorated house so far, beautifully carved pumpkins decorating the garden, the details immaculate and emitting a soft glowing light.

“Why couldn’t our pumpkins turn out as good as this.” Gee pouted, before lighting up at the sight of the bowl of candy on the front step. While Gee went forward to pick out a few packets of Haribos, Frank tried not to laugh at the memory of the chaotic pumpkin carving the night before: Gee had insisted that they absolutely had to carve the biggest pumpkins they could find, which was all fine and dandy until they realised that they had actually run out of space in the bin for the inside seeds and stuff. Which then led to small piles of the stuff being deposited all over the kitchen counter, in sticky heaps which of course Frank would have to clean up. Gee had then gone on to draw on the cutest little attempt-to-be-scary face onto the pumpkin, but in trying to cut it out had accidentally cut his finger, which then made Frank panic because he though his perfect boyfriend was seriously hurt, when all that it really needed was a band-aid, and then Frank made sure that Gee was supervised with the knife at all times. In the end they had ended up with an absolutely adorable cat pumpkin and a slightly less creative face/thing pumpkin on their doorstep.

“Can we see Mikey tonight?” Frank as brought back to reality by Gee tugging on his sleeve.

“Probably not tonight pipistrello, why?” 

“I wanted to show him our costumes.” Gee pouted, his forehead crumpling as though he was about to cry.

“Well, he might be free for a few minutes for you to show him your costume.” Frank suggested. “Or, maybe we can trick or treat your parents house and see if he’s in!”

“Yes! Let’s do that.” Gee set off determinedly down the road, leaving Frank to laugh and run after him to try and steer him in the right direction, which was pretty much the opposite of the way he’d been going.

***

After a while of walking and trick or treating on uncountable numbers of houses, Gee had gotten tired, and so Frankie had offered to give him a piggyback ride, which he would have been deeply regretting had Gee not been being so freaking cute, his head lying on Frank’s shoulder. Once they got to the Way household, Frank went to put him down but Gee held on tight and shook his head vigorously. Well, it looked like he’d be staying/Frank would be dying (because let’s face it, he’s not exactly the tallest or the strongest of people) for a while.

After a few moments of standing around on the doorstep, Mikey through the door open, growling through a Frankenstein mask, causing Gee to shriek and hide his face in Frank’s neck.

“Hey, it’s okay Geebat, it’s only Mikey.” Frank soothed, allowing Gee to peek his head up, his eyes looking just over Frank’s shoulder.

“Oh.” Mikey laughed. “It’s you guys. Sorry Gee, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Its okay.” Gee humphed. “I only came to show you our costumes!”

“Well, come on then, give us a spin.” Mikey joked, and Gee took it literally, sliding off of Frank’s back and onto the ground, before spinning around on the doorstep until he got dizzy and Frank had to leap forward to catch him. 

“Aw, you look adorable, especially when you’re stood next to Frank. Lemme just go get a camera to take a photo for you guys.”

Gee buried into Frank’s arms as they waited for Mikey to come back with a camera, eyelids softly falling closed as his eyelashes rested against his cheeks.

Mikey finally reappeared with the camera, looking more than slightly distressed.

“C’mon Gee, let’s take that photo yeah?” He asked, forcing a smile as he positioned Frank and Gee under the streetlamp so that you could see their costumes. After he had finished snapping a few pictures he kept checking behind him, before handing Gee a bowl of candy and leaving him preoccupied with picking out the best sweets.

“Hey man, everything okay?” Frank asked softly, not wanting to alarm Gee.

“Yeah, just Mom asking who was at the door and shit, I don’t think that its a good idea that she finds out that you’re here…”

Donna had kicked Gee our at sixteen after she found out that he was both gay and a little, although both were kind of obvious before he told her…

“Shit man I forgot about that, sorry, Gee was just so excited to see you-“

“What?” Gee tried to join in the conversation at the mention of his name.

“Oh nothing battyboy, I was just saying how excited you were to see Mikey!”

Gee nodded enthusiastically, before making grabby hands at Frank. “Cuddles?”

Frank scooped him up and set him on his waist. “I think it’s time we were heading off, you look like you’re about to fall asleep.” He booped Gee on the nose. “Good to see you Mikes.”

“You too Gee, Frank.” Mikey nodded. “I’ll send you those photos.”

“Rad man, thanks!” Frank yelled, watching Mikey nod as he went back into the house.

Frank shook his head and started the journey back home to their little house, Gee now snoring softly as he sucked on his thumb in his sleep, buried into the little crook of Frank’s neck.

“I love you mio piccolo pipistrello.” Frank whispered into Gee’s hair. “Sei il pipistrello più carino che abbia mai visto.”

***


	15. Our Little Galaxy

Gerard was sprawled out on the floor colouring. It was the first thing I saw when I got home from grocery shopping. He was laying on his stomach, his legs from the knees up at a right angle to the floor, pastel pink converse crossed, and he kicked them happily as he hummed slightly, his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth as he tried not to colour outside of the right places with his crayons. He was wearing his pastel pink skeleton jumper, massively oversized and draping his skinny frame, under black dungaree shorts and knee high skeleton socks, along with a pink and black leather choker that was connected by a heart with the words "Babyboy" engraved on it.

He looked up at me with wide, innocent eyes just bubbling with happiness as I walked past to put the groceries on the table. I prepared myself as I heard little footprints bouncing across the floor, until my little babyboy had plastered himself against my back, his hands holding on tight as he rubbed his cheek against my hair.

"Daddy! You're back! I missed ywou... pwease don't weave me awone again." His sweet, clear voice called out.

"Yeah Babyboy? I missed you too, I need to go out to get food so that we can eat, but I swear I wont leave you for any longer than I have to, is that good?"

"Mm, yep, but I'd pwefer it if ywou just stayed and played with me all dway!" He snuggled his head into my neck, breathing in deeply.

"I know Bubs, here, why don't you come sit on the counter while Daddy puts the groceries away?"

He swivelled around onto my hip so that I could place him on the countertop, where he sat, happily fiddling with the straps of his dungarees. Eventually he got bored of watching me hurry around the kitchen trying to out everything away, and lifted his arms up, signifying that he wanted me to pick him up and put him back on the ground. He squirmed in my arms until I put him back down on the floor, where he smiled up at me.

"Tank ywou Dada." He hugged me, before going back over to the rug where he had been colouring before I had gotten home. I internally melted at his adorableness. I continued unpacking the groceries, trying to bury my way down to where I knew the apple juice (which was really why I had actually gone to the store in the first place) was. Once I had finally found it and put it in the fridge, and had finished putting everything else away, I went over and sat by my adorable boyfriend.

Some people may have found it weird that Gee acted younger and that I still dated him, but I really didn't mind it. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I had found the entire little community through my friend, Pete, who had been saying that his boyfriends brother had just started telling people that he was a little and that Mikey (Pete's boyfriend) was being so supportive of it, and that had made me suddenly interested in the entire concept of littles. However sceptical I had been at first, I was now nothing but in love with the concept, and it was only made better when Gerard had confessed that he liked me, and we had become boyfriends, and then again when he had called me 'Daddy' once by accident, and since then whenever he was little he would refer to me as 'Daddy', or when he was feeling particularly young, 'Dada'. He made me so fucking happy, and even though some people may have looked down on us for it, I wouldn't have chosen anyone else, because he was my entire fucking world.

"Hey Geebug, ya thirsty?"

He nodded, frowning down at his drawing before holding it up to me.

"Look Dada, I dwew ywou somefing!"

It was a picture of me sitting with our cat, Mitch on my lap. For someone who was in the mindset of a kid, it was a really good drawing, although I had seen him do better when he was big, but that was only to be expected.

"Aw, I love it Princess, I'm gonna pin it up on the fridge so that everyone can see it." I booped his nose.

"Can I 'ave apple juice?" He asked, shooting me with his puppy dog eyes.

"Of course Bubs, sippy cup or big boy cup?"

"Thippy, and can I have the Pwincess an' the Fwog one, pwetty pwease."

"Of course Babyboy, but first, can you tell me how old you are right now?"

He held up three fingers.

"Ok Bubba, I'll be right back with your juice."

I went back over to the fridge, and stuck his drawing on right in the centre with the dinosaur magnets, before finding the juice and the specific sippy cup that he wanted, and making myself a coffee.

Once I had finished I went back over to where Gee was now trying to plait the little tassels on the end of the blanket on the couch together.

"Hey Geebug, here's your juice." I handed it to him, before sitting back down on the couch and allowing Gerard to crawl into my lap. "Hey, what are you doing?" I laughed as he hurried into my chest.

"'Uddling." Came the slurred out reply.

"Aw you're so cute, what did I do to deserve you." I murmured to myself.

Gerard pressed his ear against where my heart was, contentedly taking sips from his apple juice, interchanging it with sucking his thumb. He suddenly sat up, a distressed look on his face.

"Ziggy! Where's Zwiggy?" He cried out, in reference of his favourite stuffy, a little rainbow monster thing with a zip that opened into his mouth, which you could put stuff inside. I reached beside me, handing him Ziggy from where they had been laying on the couch. "Tank ywou Daddy, what awe you dwinking?" He sniffed at my coffee, wrinkling his nose up in disgust.

"Coffee, it's a drink for big boys."

"Smews yucky." Gerard pouted, then brightened up. "But I don't hwave to dwink it 'coz m not a bi' boy, m a wittle boy."

"That's right, you're my little baby boy." I smiled, using my free hand to cuddle him closer to me.

"'M sweepy." He murmured against my chest.

"Then go to sleep Babyboy. I promise I'll still be here when you wake up."

"Pwomise?" He looked up at me wide, scared eyes.

"Promise, I love you Geebug."

"Wuv ywou twoo Daddy." He slurred out, before letting his eyes close softly. I reached forward to grab his sippy cup before it fell on the floor, and place it on the table, and then just sat back with my coffee, watching my adorable angel sleeping.

***

It had been a few hours since Gerard had fallen asleep, and I had to actually do some stuff for my job at the recording studio (ie listening to demos) so I gently edged him off of me, and played him down across the couch, covered by the soft galaxy blanket that we for some random reason owned. I wished that I could stay with him, but unfortunately work was calling, so I had to go sit in the study with headphones on to listen to yet more of the same tedious song ideas with the same tedious chord progression.

I had listened to either ten or ten hundred songs - it was hard to tell - when I felt frantic pulling at my jeans. I looked down and almost had a heart attack to see Gerard crying by my feet, his face tearstained and his eyes red. I quickly tore off my headphones to ask what was wrong.

"Geebug, hey, hey, it's okay, I'm here now, it's ok, it's ok." I soothed as I ran my fingers through his hair. When he wouldn't stop crying I lifted his small frame up onto my lap, allowing him to curl into a ball and bury his face into my jumper. "Hey, Baby, it's okay, I'm here now, Daddy's here, I'm so sorry I wasn't there but I had to do work, can you calm down enough to tell me what's wrong?"

He hiccuped slightly but made no move to respond. My back was aching slightly from having to support both of us in the frail old spinny chair that occupied the office, so I lifted him up (which wasn't that hard, since he was already clinging to my front like a koala to their tree) to carry him into our bedroom, where most of his little things were which helped him calm down.

"Hey, it's ok, I'm here, Daddy's here, nothing can hurt you while Daddy's here, I swear I'll protect you from everything bad. Please calm down, Bubba." I laid him down on the bed and sat next to him, drawing his head onto my lap and softly rocking him back and forth, stroking my hands through his soft black hair. I noticed that it was now dark outside, and made a mental note to shut the curtains once Gee had calmed down. He obviously came first in everything, his needs were far superior that mine, and I needed to make sure that he was ok before I did anything else.

"C'mon Bubba, you gonna tell me what's wrong?"

"There, there these b-bangs." He sniffled out, pitifully. "T-they huwted my eaws. I don' know wha' they were. It was so scawy, and then you weren't thewe and I thwought that ywou had left me."

"No, of course I wouldn't have left you, you know I'll never eave you unless I have to go somewhere and then I will tell you well in advance. And those bangs were probably just fireworks, look, its dark outside, maybe its someones birthday and they're setting off fireworks."

"It still scawy." Gee pouted.

"I know babyboy, I know, but I promise I'll protect you from them."

"Weally?"

"Really. I swear I will." I leant forward to kiss him on the forehead, and he snuggled further into me, giggling softly. "See, there's that laugh we all know and love."

"C-can we do something Daddy?"

"Of course, what do you want to do?"

"I don' know..." He looked down, sadly.

"Well, I've got an idea. How about we make fairy cakes? I can make fairy cakes with my Babycakes."

"I'm youw babycakes." Gerard grinned.

"That you are. C'mon, lets go find the ingredients."

"Cawwy me, pwetty pwease?" He lifted his arms up for me to pick him up, and there was no way that I could say no. I picked up his warm body, his head instantly nestling into the crook of my neck as he sucked on his thumb.

Once we had gotten to the kitchen, I once more placed him on top of the counter, before going into the cupboard to find aprons and all of the ingredients that we would need. I placed them all on the counter, and then had to help Gerard who had gotten awfully confused with how to put on an apron, trying to put his arm through the string which was meant to go around your neck, and all in all just epically failing at putting an apron on correctly. Once we had fixed that problem, I found a chefs hat and placed it on his head.

"You're the head chef, yes?"

"Nuuu, you awe the hwead chef." He shook his head.

"Alright then," I laughed, "so are you the assistant chef?"

He nodded happily.

"Alright then my little sous chef. Let's get started." I kissed him on the cheek, and he poked me softly on the nose.

***

It had been fifteen minutes and Gerard already had cocoa powder on his face, along with flour and was quite happily licking cake mix off of his fingers, despite me telling him not to many times because of the risk that came with eating raw egg.

After who knows how long of us weighing and sifting and whisking and stirring and me having to tell Gerard off for continuing to eat raw cake mix, we finally had the fairy cakes in the over. And now Gerard needed a wash.

"C'mon Bubs. Y'need to have a wash to get all of that sticky cake mix off of you." I reasoned. Gerard didn't want to hear it.

"No, I don't wanna have a wash Daddy." He looked up at me with puppy dog eyes, but I refused to let them sway me.

"How 'bout this Gee? If you let me take you for a wash then we fan blow bubbles with the soap, and when we're done the cakes will be ready and you'll be clean again. You dont wanna get cake mix all over your jumper, do you?"

He thought about it for a moment. "Fine, but you gotta cawwy me."

I sighed, relenting and carrying him through to the bathroom, where I started to run him a bath. I added his favourite apple scented bubble bath into it as well, and helped him to take off his shoes, since he was having difficulty untying the laces. I pulled them off of his feet, and then peeled his knee high socks off for him. He undid the clasps on his dungarees after a few minutes of fumbling, and stepped out of them while I helped him take off his jumper, until he was left just standing there in his pale pink panties. Once the bath was full, he stepped out of them and I helped him into the bath, sitting on the bathroom floor beside him, helping him to blow bubbles with the soap. He reached out and put bubbles all over my chin, giving me a bubble beard.

"Daddy looks owd." He commented.

"Rude! I don't look a day over twenty." I gasped in mock offence.

He laughed softly at me.

"Alrighty, c'mon Bubba, it's time for you to actually get washed."

I passed him the washcloth and he started washing down his arms and legs, before giving me the cloth so that I could wash his face. Once he was done I helped him stand up and wrapped him in a fluffy towel, before lifting him out of the bath and placing him on the closed lid of the toilet.

"Stay here, I'm gonna go get you some pyjamas, any preference?"

"Dinsauw onesie pwease Dada."

"Alrighty, be right back."

I went to grab the dinosaur onesie (which was technically mine) from our shared closet, and passed it to him.

"You dry now Bubs?"

He nodded. I led his feet into the legs of the onesie, and stood him up so that I could put his arms through the sleeves, although there was a bit of confusion with the hood, but we got there in the end.

I kissed him on the nose as I started to towel dry his hair while he giggled softly to himself and playing with his fingers.

A few minutes after we were done and were back in the living room, the oven timer went off and I went to go take the cakes out of the oven, and set them on the side to cool. After brushing out Gee's almost shoulder length hair the cakes were cool enough to eat, so me and Gee had one each. He nibbled his while I scoffed mine down, and once we were both done he pulled me down onto the couch with him, snuggling into my arms and wrapping one around Ziggy, his thumb in his mouth, and his head buried into my chest.

"I love ywou Daddy." He mumbled sleepily.

"I love you too Babyboy." I responded. "You have no idea how much."

This is was our little galaxy, just us two, the only company we needed being each others, stuck in a little bubble of the others love.

***


	16. Wet Hair

It was cold. Correction: it was fucking freezing, to the extent that Frank could no longer feel half of his body and the parts of him that he could feel were prickling with pins and needles. Why the fuck had he decided to ignore the thick coat that had been hanging on his coat-hook and instead decided to take the fucking denim one? He was cursing himself for his stupidity, trying to dart in and out of warm shops as quickly as possible so as to avoid the biting cold and the bitter wind, sleet pouring mercilessly from the sky.

It was grey, dark and gloomy here now that he was away from the Christmas lights, and the bustle of the busy streets, so he almost missed the bundle blending in perfectly with the grafted grey brick wall behind it. That was, until it moved. A small cough made its way towards his ears, and his eyes widened as he realised that that was someone, someone who was probably close to dying from fucking hypothermia, because he felt like he was so who knew how bad it would be for the poor person who would undoubtedly be curled up pitifully on the floor.

"Hello?" Frank called out gently. He could see the slight outline of the figure visibly tense. "I'm not gonna hurt you, can you turn towards me, I want to help you."

The figure whimpered and slowly uncurled just enough to twist their neck to allow themselves to look at Frank. Frank carefully made his way forward, approaching him like he would a shy cat, not wanting to startle or scare them in any way. Once he was close enough to vaguely see the facial features of the figure, he stopped and knelt down beside them.

"Hey, I'm gonna get my torch out so I can see you, okay?" The figure nodded slightly, and Frank fished in his pocket to find his phone, and in turn switched the torch on, momentarily blinding himself (and probably the figure) with the bright light.

"Jesus fuck that was brighter than I remember." Frank cursed, fumbling with his phone. Now that he had a light to see by he could see the persons face, a kind-of-there-but-not-really scruffy beard hiding part of their face from view, but he could see their eyes sparkling, guarded and cautious as they held their blanket as close to them as possible. Their hair was long and dark, the grease in it making it shiny in the torchlight.

"This is almost definitely an extremely stupid question, but are you cold?"

The figure nodded viciously.

"Do you want to come with me, I can get you some coffee or something some place warm? Also, um, what's your name and pronouns, I don't wanna say something wrong..." Frank laughed, albeit slightly nervously.

"G-Gerard. My names Gerard, and it's he/him or they/them, I don't really mind. And why, why do you want to help worthless shit like me?" His voice was cracked and dry, and his tongue kept licking his lips nervously as he stared resolutely at the ground.

"Yo what the fuck, your name is so rad, it sounds like a comic book character... I'm Frank and he/him by the way, and what do you mean worthless shit? Of course I want to help you, no one deserves to be stuck out in this cold with nothing but a t-shirt and a blanket." He held out a hand to Gerard in a friendly manner, and Gerard watched it with skittish, scared eyes, before warily reaching out to clasp it in his own.

"M-my blanket." He rasped out. "I-I cant leave it here, it... it'll get stolen." He looked down at the ground shamefully.

"Welp then I guess it can come with us." Frank replied, cheerily. He was determined to at least help this (from what he had seen, extremely attractive) homeless man. He helped Gerard to stand up, letting him lean his exhausted frame against Frank's side, and helped him to grip his blanket around himself in a vaguely cape-like fashion. He remembered that he had spotted a Starbucks on the walk there, and so aimed for where he thought that the coffee store was vaguely placed. He could feel Gerard's ribs shaking as he shivered through the blanket, and he ignored the shooting pain that was protesting against the cold in his hands in favour of holding the blanket around Gerard so that the homeless man could hide his blue-from-the-cold hands inside.

***

"W-why?" Gerard was questioning yet again, why Frank had taken him to a coffee shop and allowed him to wrap his arms around a beautifully hot cup of the liquid of life, ie coffee, and all when he knew that Gerard would never be able to pay him back, at least not for many years.

"Because, one, you're stuck on the streets on a baltic cold night where it is literally freezing with next to nothing to keep you warm, two, you look like you're about to drop dead from hunger, you're so skinny, three, no one deserves to live out on the streets with no money, its just not how it should be, and I want to do something to help, even if it's only one person, because at least that's one person less suffering out there."

Gerard blinked in surprise.

"So, since we're staying here at least until you get warmer and then I'm gonna make sure that you're staying some place warm with food and drink, we might as well get to know each other. I'll go first, I'm Frank Iero, wannabe photographer who takes photos of bands and shit for magazines, and I play guitar in my spare time. Oh, and I love dogs, like, more than life itself. Um yeah, I'm a very boring person." He giggled.

"Uh, I guess I'll go then... I'm Gerard Way, um as you know I'm homeless, I got kicked out at sixteen (six years ago) for being as my father put it: 'a complete disgrace to the entire fucking race of humanity'. I would rather opt for 'being gay', but y'know we all have our own opinions I guess..." Frank noticed the way he talked with his hands, exaggerating and acting everything out subconsciously.

"Shit that fucking sucks man, you don't deserve that dickhead, if it helps then I'm bi, but with a preference for men, or as my dear aunt would put it 'a raging homosexual'."

"Did she not approve of it either?" Gerard asked, nervously fiddling with the blanket.

"Nah, she completely accepted it, she's just a very... what's the word... blunt person. We're quite close actually, she took me to my first pride parade the June after I came out to her - or rather, she found me making out with a dude after school."

Gerard stifled a snort, instead opting to gulp down more of the warming coffee. He could swear he could feel it in his stomach, the warmth spreading through his veins, making him feel more awake and less in pain than he had been in a long time. Frank watched as he swallowed the last dregs of the coffee, grinning before springing up from his seat.

"Alrighty, you're coming with me, I promise it will be worth it once we get there, we might have to walk a while to get there though..."

Gerard nodded slowly, for some unknown reason trusting this strange midget-man-punk-thing that had randomly picked him up from the side of the road. Frank wrapped his blanket around Gerard once more, leading him out of Starbucks and back into the bitter wind.

They made slow progress against the biting winds and vicious rain, to the extent that Frank just gave up on fighting the slushy, cold and wet winter evening, and instead called a taxi to come pick them up and take them to where he wanted to go. Gerard was clearly thankful for that, his shivering had become full-scale body tremors, and his steps had become weaker and weaker, until at points his legs had actually given way and Frank had had to dart forward and help him back up. Once they had gotten inside the warm air of the taxi, Frank noticed just how cold and frail Gerard really was, he was shivering desperately, his skin beginning to go a dark mottled blue, and he could practically see his skeleton through his skin, his eye sockets deep and hollow, giving him an almost dead kind of a look. Frank shook his head slightly, wondering just what Gerard had done to deserve to be put in this position, the answer of which came back to him as "absolutely nothing".

***

Frank paid the taxi driver as he let Gerard at least attempt to prepare himself against the desperate clawing of the horrific winter night. He opened the door, stepping out and turning around to pick Gerard up, despite his protests, and carry him while running as fast as possible towards the flickering warmth that was shining through the windows of the house. He ran up to the door, using his elbow as a leverage so as to open the door, and slammed it shut behind them, setting Gerard back down on the ground and leaning against the door while sighing dramatically.

"That... that seems like a very big 'fuck you' from whoever decides the weather around here." He joked, and thankfully for him he saw sparks of laughter flitting around Gerard's tired eyes, which were beginning to fill with wonder as he looked around the corridor where they were stood. It was nothing special, pretty much the entrance way to your average house, but to Gerard it was like a palace, so spacious and well lit and just plain warm. Frank was rapidly shedding his outer denim jacket and his battered black docs, hanging the jacket over the bannister to dry. Underneath, Gerard couldn't help but notice that he was wearing an extremely fit misfits top, which was clinging even tighter to his figure due to the downpour outside.

"C'mon, gimme that blanket and I'll get you some warm clothes." Frank held out his hand for the sodden blanket, and Gerard slowly allowed himself to loosen his tight grip on it, although Frank could see the hesitation behind his eyes. Eventually, the blanket was steaming over the warm radiator, and Frank had put both of their shoes underneath it, before leading Gerard up the stairs.

"W-where are we?" Gerard breathed, the wondrous feeling of being in somewhere cosy and warm and not completely rammed full of people overwhelming his senses.

"Oh, this is my house." Frank laughed. "Sorry, I forgot to say. I decided that it was too late to go to a shelter or anything, and honestly you seem like a really rad and sweet dude so why don't you stay here a while, at least until you get your life back into order. It probably sounds really strange, but I want to help people, I really do, and if I can help even just one person get their life back on track then I'll do it in a heartbeat, and I can help you, and therefore I will help you, because at least then I'm improving at least one person's life."

Gerard blinked.

"Sorry, sorry... that probably came off as really forward, obviously its completely your choice, but I live all by myself and honestly I could do with some company, and I really do wanna help you..." Frank trailed off nervously.

"Are you serious right now, man?" Gerard asked, still shivering slightly from his sodden clothing but beginning to feel the prickling pain that came from going from cold to hot too fast.

"Well, yeah... why would I lie about something like that?" Frank answered, sincerely.

"I mean... if you're sure, literally anywhere is better than the streets, but isn't there something I can do in return. I could like... act as a house-looker-after-thingy, like I could clean and cook and stuff if that helped?" Gerard's eyes were sparkling with hope and wishes.

"Nah man, you don't have to do anything, maybe when you get enough money you could help with the rent, but until then I'm earning plenty to look after everything, you just need to focus on getting a job et cetera."

"No... I'd feel bad... can I at least help with the cooking if nothing else?"

"I- I mean, I guess if you really wanted to you could." Frank nodded, finally catching onto Gerard's continuous shaking and worried expression flooded his face. "Shit man, we need to get you those clothes."

He pulled Gerard into a room with an unmade bed and mess all over the shown surfaces, a room which Gerard could only assume to be Frank's bedroom. It had an unmistakably Frankish vibe to it, the guitar in the corner along with the screwed up bis of paper littering the floor, piles of dirty clothes deposited in random spots throughout the room, and the band posters lining the walls.

Gerard was pulled out of his trance by a hoodie hitting him directly in the face. He blinked to find said hoodie laying at his feet, and Frank was looking at him expectantly so he slowly pulled off his ratty old t-shirt, decidedly ignoring the shocked gasp that came from Frank upon seeing how truly skinny and malnourished he was, and pulled the soft warmth of the hoodie over his head. It enveloped him like one giant Frankish smelling hug, the oversizedness allowing him to pull the sleeves into little sweater paws around his hands. He gratefully took the soft pyjama bottoms that Frank was holing out to him and turned around to pull of his more rips than denim jeans, pulling the pyjama bottoms on and allowing the soft fabric to rub against his skin in a soothing manner. He stared at the wall while Frank was getting changed, noting each of the bands that the posters were representing.

"Alrighty, now... time for your hair." Frank stated. Gerard's head shot up. "No, don't worry its nothing bad, but how would you feel about styling it a little differently maybe dying it slightly?"

Gerard nodded slowly.

"Don't worry, I do my hair so I'm pretty practiced at it." Frank grinned, before pulling Gerard into the bathroom and sitting him on the closed lid of the toilet.

***

"Done!" Frank exclaimed, finally placing the painfully loud hairdryer down on the counter by the sink. He led Gerard to in from of the mirror. "What do you think?"

Gerard gasped, his hand reaching up to his hair, curling around the now black strands. It had been cut to just above shoulder length, and styled in a deliberately messy way which actually made him look kind of decent for once. Frank had also shaved off the not wanted facial hair that had been growing while he had had no access to a razor or anything having been on the streets.

"I- you— Jesus, I look decent." Gerard stuttered, almost at a loss for words.

"You really do... you look hecking adorable." Frank smiled softly, looking directly into his eyes.

"You really think so?" Gerard mumbled, being drawn in to the charismatic pools of colour that were Frank's eyes, they were so close now that he could see pretty much every single hair of his eyebrows. His eyes darted down quickly to his lips, noting the soft flush that they held, looking so soft, and warm, and inviting.

"I know so..." Frank murmured, and Gerard tore his eyes back up to meet Frank's before they were colliding in a messy yet soft kiss, Gerard being pushed softly against the wall, Frank's hands fiddling with the hair at the back of his head, gently stroking down his neck, his lips trailing down his neck as they nibbled softly against his pulse point, before roaming gently back to his lips, as they danced together in the harsh light of the bathroom fluorine lights.

***


	17. Heather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *TW for suicide*

_I still remember_

_The third of December_

_Me in your sweater_

_You said it looked better_

_On me than it did you_

_If only you knew how much I liked you_

I wish you could see the way I look at you. I wish you could understand how I feel. I wish I could have the feeling of your sweater overs my goose-bump ridden skin again. It was only a matter of time, but I still wish that we could back to how we were.

_But I see your eyes_

_As she walks by_

_What a sight for sore eyes_

_Brighter than a blue sky_

_She's got you mesmerised_

_While I die_

It's like I don't even exist. It's you and Heather. You and Heather. No longer Frank and Gerard. No longer the inseparable pair. Now it's Gerard and Heather. And I have no choice. You're replacing me with her. And there's nothing I can do to stop it.

_Why would you ever kiss me_

_I'm not even half as pretty_

_You gave her your sweater_

_Its just polyester_

_But you like her better_

_Wish I were Heather_

I'm disgusting. I still remember that one day you were dared to kiss me at a sleepover, a group of teenagers being forced into playing spin the bottle by the leader of the group. I was so nervous. You promised it was only platonic. You didn't understand that I wanted more than platonic. I wanted to be in a relationship with you. I still do. I wish I were Heather.

_Watch as she stands_

_With her holding your hand_

_Put your arm 'round her shoulder_

_Now I'm getting colder_

_But how could I hate her?_

_She's such an angel_

_But then again kind of wish she were dead_

I wish I could still feel your warmth through your jumper. I wish I could still be your best friend. The person you liked most. All things come to an end. But I wish that that never had. She's so pretty. So sweet. How could I hate her? I want to hate her. She stole you from me. But she's too nice to hate. It's like a tightening spiral. I have no choice.

_As she walks by_

_What a sight for sore eyes_

_Brighter than a blue sky_

_She's got you mesmerised_

_While I die_

You're always looking at her. I'm the outsider. No longer the person who you trust most. No longer the person you ask to bunk of with. No longer you're best friend. You treat me like I'm just another random person. No more secrets. No more trust. You don't know how much it hurts.

_Why would you ever kiss me_

_I'm not even half as pretty_

_You gave her your sweater_

_Its just polyester_

_But you like her better_

_Wish I were Heather_

It's cold without you. Colder than I want to admit. No more smiles. No more laughter. Cold. Grey. 

_Wish I were Heather_

_Wish I were Heather_

I wish I were her. It would all be so different. I would be the one who's cheeks you kiss. I would be the one to make you laugh. I would be the one to make you blush. And not her.

_Why would you ever kiss me_

_I'm not even half as pretty_

_You gave her your sweater_

_Its just polyester_

_But you like her better_

_Wish I were_

I wish I were dead. I will be dead. Just waiting for the pills to kick in. I wrote this for you. I hope you like it. The song was one of my favourites growing up. I know her name isn't really Heather, but you know who I'm referring to. I loved you, Gerard. But you like her better.

Xofrnk <333


	18. Mia Principessa

"No! It's unnatural! You're not a three year old, you don't need to sleep with a fucking stuffed cat! If you wanna keep the cat then get out of here, it's either cat or me, got it?"

Gerard nodded softly, tears pouring down his face as he crept shamefully into their shared bedroom, pulling down his suitcase and stuffing as much stuff as physically possible into it. He also took his rucksack and filled that with his drawing supples, laying Mori (a kitten stuffie that he had had since he could remember) on top. He pulled the suitcase of the bed, and slowly walked back into the living room with it and his rucksack, preparing to be met with yet another blow of Billie-Joe's furious wrath.

"You're leaving? You really would choose that fucking piece of shit over me! What the fuck is wrong with you?" Billie cried, standing very still in the middle of the room, but Gerard could see the angry specks floating in his eyes, his jaw clenching and unclenching harshly.

"Y-yeah. I-I can't stay here if you don't accept me for who I am, and maybe sleeping with Mori is part of me, and if you accepted that then I'm sure we could have been happy together. I hope you have a nice life, and I hope for the love of god that whoever you find next doesn't have any quirks, or at least if they do that you'll at least learn to accept them. Goodbye, Billie-Joe." Gerard stated calmly as he made his way out of their apartment and down the stairs to the front door, leaning against the wall and realising just how screwed he now was.

He now had no place to go of his own, and since he had no car, he had to rely on busses to go whoever the fuck he was actually gonna go, which then led him back to the first problem. He grabbed his phone from his back pocket, frustratedly scrolling through his saved contacts as he tried to find someone who would put up with him being a bitch and staying in their spare room for a night or two. He was about to give up all hope, when he saw the name of his lord and saviour, Frank Iero. And maybe it was just because he was super angry and sad and just a whole mess of negative emotions, but he was cursing himself for not realising that he should immediately of called him, they were best friends for god's sake.

He raised his phone to his ear, sniffling slightly as he tried to even out his shaky breaths, so as not to alarm his friend.

"Hey Gee." Frank picked up on the second ring.

"H-hi... um t-this is v-very random, but do y-you think that it w-would be ok for me to stay at you place tonight? Uh, Billie kind of kicked me out and I don't really have anywhere else to go..." Gerard sniffled out, his head throbbing slightly from all of the emotions running through him.

"That dick did what? Are you ok? He didn't hurt you did he? And of course you can, hang on I'm coming to pick you up, where are you?" Gerard could hear the sounds of Frank pulling on shoes and a jacket, smiling at how much his friend cared.

"Um, can we talk about it when you pick me up? And I'm outside that Starbucks just down the road from our - his - house."

"Ok, I'm coming, I'll be like five minutes. I've got to hang up now so I can get SatNav to work 'coz I cant fucking drive without it... I'll be there soon ok? Just hang in there, Gee, everything will be fine." Frank hung up the phone after the distinctive sound of a car door opening, and Gerard leant back against the damp wall, too emotionally drained to care about the cold seeping through his jacket. He hugged his jacket around himself, trying to shelter from the bitter chill of the evening, waiting for Frank to come and meet him.

***

"Hey, Gee!" Frank called out of the rolled down window as he pulled in besides Gerard. "Hop in." He shot him a small smile.

Gerard pushed himself off of the wall, grabbing his suitcase and bag and stuffing them into the boot, before climbing into the passenger seat besides Frank, sinking into the soft leather. Frank was loaded compared to him. Well, more like Frank actually had enough money to live a life, while Gerard was still a wannabe artist, and was struggling to really make any from of a living.

"So... what happened? You two were doing so well..." Frank tried to make conversation.

"I... he didn't like Mori, he told me to grow up, so I uh, I left." Gerard shrugged, smiling slightly at how ridiculous it now sounded.

"Aw that sucks, he should accept everything about you, I, for one, think it's fucking adorable that you still sleep with her. It gives me hope in humanity, y'know? Or maybe you don't, I probably sound really weird right now, sorry..." Gerard bit back a laugh at how awkward his best friend was.

"No, I think you're cute too, especially your awkwardness." Gerard giggled, feeling completely comfortable. They had been friends for years, and had always borderline flirted, it was just how their relationship worked.

"Aw, you're too kind." Frank nudged Gerard's shoulder, before focusing his concentration back on to driving, so as to make sure that they wouldn't crash. He was looking straight ahead, so he didn't notice the slight blush coating Gerard's cheeks.

Ok so maybe Gerard had a teensy crush on his best friend, but it was only tiny, and in his defence, he had thought that it would have blown out once he and Billie became an item, but it never fully had...

Gerard pressed his head against the window, watching the city lights stream by beside him.

***

"Hey, c'mon, let's get this stuff inside."

Gerard was shaken from his trance by Frank shaking his shoulder, softly smiling down at him.

"Right, uh, yeah, let's go." Gerard smiled shakily back at him.

Frank went around to the back of the car, popping the boot open and grabbing Gerard's bags, before meeting Gerard who was standing slightly awkwardly at the side of the car and leading him up to his house.

Gerard shivered slightly as the warm blasts of air from inside hit him head-on, the smell of Frank filling his senses. No matter how many times he was at Frank's place he was always slightly shocked by it, probably because he was a lot better of that Gerard and could actually afford a decent house. It wasn't even that big, and nor was it heavily decorated by fancy objects, but it was nicer than any of the various accommodations that Gerard had occupied during his lifetime.

"You can stay in the spare room if you want, I can easily put the sofa-bed down, or you can stay wherever, I don't really mind."

Gerard knew that Frank was trying to say that he didn't care if Gerard wanted to sleep with him in his bed, because they had done that many times over the years, to be honest, it had gotten to the extent that Billie had gotten jealous and told Gerard to "stop having cuddle benefits with that freak". He had apologised immediately after, but it had also gotten Gerard thinking about whether it was actually normal for friends to be this close, and still end up as just friends.

"Yeah, I'll decide later." Gerard replied, despite immediately knowing where he was gonna be sleeping as soon as Frank had suggested it, he really needed any from of physical affection right now.

"You ok? You can always vent to me if you want." Frank asked, clearly concerned about why Gerard was being so quiet. Gerard felt tears pricking in his eyes, what Billie had said was only just beginning to sink in, and he was beginning to question everything about himself. He allowed himself to stumble forward towards Frank, burying himself in Frank's shoulder as Frank immediately reacted and wrapped his arms around Gerard, whispering softly into his hair as he led them towards the sofa so that they could sit down.

"Gee, what did that prick do to you? I really need to know..." Frank whispered into Gerard's hair, smelling the slight scent of hair dye that was masked by the strawberry smell of his shampoo.

"He... it wasn't even bad I'm probably just overreacting, but he decided he didn't like Mori, and he wanted to make me pick between them so I left, it was so stupid, I shouldn't have left, he has a point, fuck Frank what have I done I need to go back and apologise to him." Gerard puled away from Frank's embrace, his eyes wide and panicking.

"No, that shitbag has done nothing to deserve you going back to him, you need to forget about him, ok, if he can't accept what you are now then imagine what it might be like later on, if you go crawling back to him every time he says he doesn't like something about you then you would end up with him having full control over you whether you liked it or not, and he could control what you do and who you are. You can't go back to him, you've done nothing wrong, and he's done everything wrong." Frank tried to sooth Gerard but his voice was shaking slightly from the suppressed anger. So maybe he hadn't been in a relationship for over eight years, and maybe he had been holding out for Gerard, and maybe he was extremely angry that anyone had been mistreating his Gerard, let alone his own boyfriend.

Gerard sank back into Frank's arms, allowing himself to become at one with the couch.

"I just... what if he's right, what if I do need to grow up. No one will like me if I'm like this constantly, no one likes a grown man who still acts like a kid..."

"But you fucking don't, ok, everyone has their little quirks, everyone has the things that make them unique, and this is one of yours, fucking accept it don't let anyone walk over you for it, and as for no one liking you," Frank took a deep breath, "that's just simply not true."

"But what if it is? What if it fucking is, Frank?"

"It's not, ok! It's really not, stop trying to tell yourself that it is, it's not true, I swear to god it's not true..." Frank avoided my eyes.

"And how would you know that? Is there something you're not telling me?" Gerard's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Nope, no, absolutely not, nothing at all." Frank smiled innocently up at him.

"Really... 'coz it really seems like you are." Gerard grinned back. "Who am I kidding, I'm never gonna be able to make you tell me, but pretty please?" He batted his long eyelashes up at Frank, inwardly celebrating at the emotional turmoil going on behind Frank's eyes, clearly weighing up the pros and cons of telling him.

"I just... I know someone who might be interested in you and finitely thinks you're really attractive and cute, ok? That's all." Frank smiled hopefully up at him.

"W-wait, what? Really? Someone actually likes me?" Gerard stuttered out, blush lining his cheeks.

"Yeah, they really do, they've liked you for years now." Frank mumbled softly, unsure if he wanted to be giving away these secrets.

"O-oh, are you gonna tell me who it is?" Gerard glanced up at him, his slightly chubby cheeks sprinkled with pink, his lips peeking up at the corners in a half smile, nervous and yet excited.

"Mm, I don't think they'll appreciate that, so, nope!" Rank grinned cheekily, hopping over the back of the couch and into the kitchen, going to flick the switch on the kettle, but being stopped by a giggling soft weight plastering itself against his back, that and then being hit in the face by a cushion a few moments later.

"C'mon Frankie, that's not fair, you know you want to tell me. Am I not your best friend?" Gerard whispered plaintively, trying to guilt trip Frank into telling him.

"No, what isn't fair is you trying to guilt trip me into something when you know full well that you can weasel your way into my heart like that, now get off of me you lump, I'm too out of shape for this!" Frank laughed, letting go of Gerard and allowing him to slip slowly to the ground.

"Oh come on, pretty please with a cherry on top? I'll suck you off later..." He batted his eyelashes. "I hope you know that that was a joke." He added after a second of thought.

"As tempting as that sounds princess, no. You're not breaking me this easily, Gee." Frank stuck his tongue out at him, which Gerard quickly reciprocated.

"Fine. I'll just ignore you 'til you tell me then." Gerard giggled, turning to face the wall, counting the squares up and along, and then trying to multiply them together, but maths had never really been his strong point.

"It's eighty-six." Frank pointed out, in a helpful attempt.

"Yes, I know that dumbass." Gerard pouted, poking Frank in the ribs.

"Oh, I'm sorry princess, I didn't mean to upset you. Also ha, got you to talk to me." Frank gloated. Gerard blushed at the petname.

"Fuck you Iero." He jutted his bottom lip out, glaring at him.

"Aw, don't be upset with me princess."

"Why do you keep calling me princess?" Gerard snapped.

"Because each time I do you blush a fuck of a load and it's really fucking cute and I want you to do it more!" Frank blurted out, before covering his mouth with his hand, well aware that he had now said too much.

"I... that person wasn't your friend was it. It was you." Gerard breathed out softly.

"And so what if it was, it doesn't change anything, right? I mean you're still in complicated matters with Billie, and theres no chance of you ever hooking up with me so it's all cool, right?"

"I mean, I'm pretty sure that me and Billie as a thing is now over, even if he wants anything to do with me, I'm still gonna break up with him, it just wasn't working anymore, y'know. And as for hooking up... well I can't make any promises." He winked at Frank, causing Frank to pretty much choke on air.

"Was that you just being a massive flirt or do you actually mean that?" Frank asked, curiously.

"I... I actually mean it." Gerard smiled, looking sheepishly at his hands.

Frank used two of his fingers to tilt Gerard's chin up, before surging forward to press his lips to the other mans. Their lips moved softly in sync, their eyelashes grazing their cheeks, and their noses occasionally touching each other. Eventually Gerard pulled away to breathe, a shy grin on his bright red face.

"So about that blowjob offer..." Frank deadpanned, before bursting out in laughter, Gerard joining him. "Seriously though, that was amazing."

"Mhm." Gerard agreed. "I-is it ok if we do it again?"

"Of course princess, anything you want." Frank replied, before pressing his lips to Gerard's once more.

***


	19. Like Phantoms Forever

He lied under the blessed shade of the trees, his head resting on the other's chest, his heartbeat vibrating through his body: reminding him that they were both alive. The sun-burnt grass lied dejectedly and exhausted against the baked ground, praying for that one drink of water that it so desperately craved. The lake was low and stagnant, no children's shouts bouncing across the waters. The play park is also abandoned; cracked tarmac, stained slides, rusted swings. The park in general looks dead, a cremated corpse of what it once was, the atmosphere no longer alive, but drained, waiting for when - if - the people would come back. They were still alive, lying in the shade of the trees, and he knew they were because he could feel the shared beating of their hearts.

Now he is alone. The park is dark, streetlights effortlessly fighting the light of the struggling moon. The stars peek weekly through the think blankets of cloud, only there if he looks hard enough. The air is cold and damp, filling his lungs with more despair and hopelessness with every breath that he takes. If his boyfriend was here then it would all be so different; the snow wouldn't glisten menacingly, it would be shining with laughs and stolen kisses. But he isn't with his other half, ad the park is still cold and abandoned, the swings still hanging dejectedly, and he goes to comfort them, his feet softly - silently- kicking the ground as he takes in his surroundings. Icicles hang precariously on any ledge they can reach, do they know that they won't stay? He tilts his head to the sky, catching snowflakes on his tongue and feeling the the coolness of the frozen water melting. He can hear faint music tinged with silence, like reality is fraying at the edges, and he is the only one who can see it. Cold drags its frozen finger down his spine, light as a feather but still enough to make him shiver sporadically. The lights only show half the park against the dark, is it the good or the bad half? He knows that if his boyfriend was here then he would feel the warmth of his hand, but instead his hand is lonely and he feels two tears fall warily from behind his eyelids. There is only one set of footprints, and they lead up to the swings. The snow relishes in the cool night air, as he cries.

Summer was before, when he could feel their erratically beating hearts as one.

This is after, now he cant feel his heartbeat, and his boyfriend lays in ashes against the snow beneath the trees.


	20. * There Are Different Types Of Blurry Hazes *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *in case you didn’t read the intro this involves smut*
> 
> *TW for alcohol abuse*

Frank was alone in his bunk, staring up at the ceiling, trying his absolute hardest to forget about the alcohol outside, and therefore about Gerard who would no doubt be drowning himself in the substance. Frank hated that he had to do that to himself in order to live, he hated that Gerard actually had to have the alcohol to live a bearable life, he hated watching him throw his life away and flirt with death every night while he could do nothing to help his best friend. He blinked away the tears threatening to fly from behind his eyelids, his fingers idly tracing along the lines of the bus 'wall', eventually losing himself in thought.

***

Alcohol. It reeked of alcohol. Frank rolled over sleepily, trying to move away from the toxic smell, only to be stopped by a giggling, freezing, shaking mess. He forced his eyes open, only to find a vaguely human shape wearing a black hoodie buried under his blankets with him. You could ask him to this day, and he still wouldn't know how he had recognised it as Gerard.

"G-Gerard? What the fuck, dude? Why are you in my bunk?" Frank stumbled out, now at least slightly awake.

"I was cold, and you're warm, and so I decided to come cuddle with you, coz I love you Frankieeee." Gerard slurred out, and frank's foot came in contact with something hard and cold and smooth, and holy fuck, why the ever-loving fuck had Gerard decided to get into bed fully dressed. Actually, stupid question. He was out of this world drunk. He could have done anything and it would have been justifiable in his brain.

"Gerard. I love you, but it is," Frank look at his phone for the time, "half fucking four in the morning, and I want to fucking sleep without a fully clothed drunk person next to me, so we're gonna get you back to you're bunk, okay?"

"Mnnn." Gerard whined, already nuzzling back into the pillow. Frank gave up trying to get him to move, obviously it wasn't gonna happen any time soon, so accepting defeat, he grabbed his phone and hoodie and clambered out of his bunk, only to get into Gerard's significantly messier and artier one. There were tattered, dog-eared drawings lining the walls, along with random snatches of notebook paper, which Frank guessed to be half finished song lyrics. The bed had clearly not been slept in for a while, the duvet and blankets were all shoved into the corner, and his pillows were nowhere to be seen.

Frank scrunched up his hoodie, using it as a makeshift pillow, and ignoring how his back was gonna die from this as he pulled the blankets over himself, before attempting to fall back asleep. 

***

"Frankie...." Gerard slurred out from behind Frank, his skinny arms wrapping around the shorter's waist. His breath still stank from alcohol, and Frank could tell that due to the fact that he was still acting like this, he was still drunk. Jesus christ, how drunk had he gotten last night?

Frank turned around without a word, handing Gerard the fresh mug of coffee that he had just made himself: Gerard would be needing it far more than him. Gerard looked in confusion at the mug now in his hands, before looking back up at Frank.

"I don't want coffee. I want you." Gerard stated in confusion, his eyebrows scrunching up in a way that should have been far less cute to Frank given the current situation.

"I... what?" Frank blinked, trying to make sense of what was happening.

"I said, I want you. Pretty please, c'mon I'll even be a good boy..." Gerard all but moaned, chucking the coffee in the sink, and getting on his knees in front of Frank.

"I..." Frank swallowed at how fucking hot Gerard was. He couldn't do this. It would be taking advantage of him while he was drunk. It wasn't fair. "No. Gerard, you're drunk. Still, somehow, fucking lord knows how much you drank last night. C'mon, let's get y'back to bed, you're gonna have such a bad hangover when you're finally sober." Frank shook his head, grabbing Gerard's arm to try and pull him in the directions of the bunks once more.

"Oh, so y'wanna play it rough? I'm down for that, sir." Gerard giggled, and it was taking all of Frank's willpower to ignore how that nickname had sparked off little lights in his brain.

Frank shoved him into his bunk, pulling his blankets over him, with nothing other than the simple command of "sleep", but Gerard being Gerard it just wasn't possible for it to go that smoothly, and as Frank was turning to go, Gerard's arm shot out and grabbed his hoodie.

"Stay, please. I'm scared Frankie, please stay with me." Gerard was shaking softly, and cursing himself, Frank relented and crawled into the bunk beside Gerard. Gerard buried his face instantly into Frank's torso, and Frank hesitantly wrapped his arms around the other as he waited for sleep to overtake his drunk friend.

***

"Fuck." Was the first thing to come out of Gerard's mouth when he opened his eyes the next morning, causing Frank to stir from where he had been staring at the ceiling in an absolute let ditch attempt not to watch his friend sleeping.

"So you're finally awake." Frank chuckled humourlessly.

"Yeah... I'm sorry Frankie, you shouldn't have stayed, and I know I said I would stop but I just can't, it's like, it's like, it's the only way I can feel numb and I want to feel numb, I don't fucking care anymore!"

"Gerard. Calm down. It's ok. We all screw up, y'just have to try again." Frank tried to soothe him as Gerard winced at the noise.

"No! I don't have any fucking thing to live for! Why do you care so much about me? Just fuck off and leave me alone." Gerard's face scrunched up from pain which was pounding at the back of his head.

"You have nothing to live for? You have nothing to live for? Gerard Arthur fucking Way. You have everything to live for. See this band? We'll make it, we're already beginning to make it. See these drawings?" He pointed around at the random pages littering the bunk. "One day they'll be published. So don't you fucking dare tell me that you have nothing to live for, when everything surrounding you is yet another reason to live life to it's fullest."

"That's not what I fucking mean! Ray and Mikey are off doing fuck knows what with each other, you've got fucking Jamia and all the other side whores, what have I got? Nothing! Fucking nothing! No one cares enough to give me a reason to live."

"Don't you fucking dare call my friends side whores, and me and Jamia are not and never will be a fucking item! And that is simultaneously the most selfish and stupidest thing I've ever heard. Haven't you seen the crowds? Those are fans, Gerard. They're fucking willing to pay fucking money to see you, they care even if no one else does. Fuck, we all would be fucking killed if anything fatal were to happen to you."

"You know that's not what I meant." Gerard growled.

"Y'know what. Fuck it. Fucking face me." Frank groaned at the stupidity of what he was about to do. Gerard warily turned his head to face Frank, his eyebrows furrowed in anger laced with hopelessness.

Frank lent forwards, connecting their lips in a messy kiss, his tongue sweeping alone Gerard's bottom lip as he relished in the face that they were actually kissing, before pulling away before it had a chance to get too heated.

"I fucking care, Gerard. You wanna know why Jamia and I aren't an item? 'Coz I'm fucking gay. Got it? Me, gay. So fucking accept that someone cares for you, and then accept that hundreds of people care for you, because they do. And you have helped so many of them, you have saved so many of them, so don't go hurtling towards the doom that you saved them from."

"I... what?" Gerard rubbed his fingers against his lips softly.

"Look. I get it if you don't like me like that. But surely that fucking proves that I care!" Frank tried to explain, his hands flying agitatedly.

"No, no, I... I think I do like you like that, I... I just need a minute, and an aspirin, and coffee, or maybe five." Gerard groaned.

"Ok, but first let me make you a deal. For each week that you stay clean, we can have a more physical relationship. If you get to three months then I'll fuck you, deal?"

"I..." Gerard had to admit that he had wanted a physical (and emotional) relationship with Frank for ages, but he hadn't expected Frank to be so straight up about it. "Ok. Deal, it might actually work, but I'll need you to help me."

"Of course, how about, I won't drink any alcohol either, and I'll explain to Mikey and Ray and try and get them to stop too. Does that sound good?"

Gerard nodded, his head swimming as his hangover returned full blast.

"Before I go throw up in the bathroom," Gerard asked, quietly, "I have one thing I wanna ask you. Would you... I mean would you possibly consider maybe slightly... being my boyfriend?"

"Of course, Gee. You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear that coming from you, minus the throwing up part of course."

Gerard giggled, climbing unsteadily over Frank to get out of the bunk. Once he had managed to escape the dark tendrils of duvet that had been trying to keep him prisoner, he groggily kissed Frank on the cheek, and went in desperate search of caffeine and painkillers.

Frank allowed himself a smile in the dark. Maybe things would be ok with Gerard after all.

***

It was a hotel night. The first one for at least three weeks, and the bus was beginning to smell like the zoo, not to mention all of the shit that was littering the floor and practically every available surface, despite Frank's best efforts at keeping it clean. Frank was overjoyed, and not only for the chance to actually take a decent shower and be fully clean. Although there was another reason that he was so excited, bouncing around all day in anticipation of the evening.

He practically ran to the room that he was bunking in with Gerard, pulling a desperately gasping, giggling Gerard along behind him. As soon as they were safely inside, and the door had automatically locked behind them, as well as Frank twisting the hand-closed bolt so that it was fully locked, Frank turned around and pinned Gerard against the door, surging up against his lips in a kiss which probably contained far too much teeth and tongue but at this point they were both so desperate for what they knew was about to happen that they didn't really have much room to care for anything else.

"Congrats baby," Frank groaned against his lips, twisting his thigh so that it was between Gerard's legs, rubbing against his rapidly hardening crotch, "three fucking months, a quarter of a year, so fucking proud of you, and you're so fucking hot, holy fuck."

Gerard whined under his touch, his skin burning up as heat tore down his veins behind his skin, tugging desperately at Frank's shirt as the younger of the two began mouthing against his neck, causing Gerard to tip his head back against the hard wood of the door.

Frank pulled Gerard into his arms, half leading, half dragging him in the direction of the bed as he shrugged out of his jacket and unzipped hoodie, and pausing to pull off Gerard's shirt before pushing him down on the bed and crawling on top of him.

"Frankie, Frankie please do something, please Frankie it hurts..." Gerard rambled, begging for release from the tight constraints of his jeans. He was embarrassed for being so needy so soon, but in his defence it had been over a week since they had last done anything because no one would leave them the over-loving fuck alone.

"Sh baby, Mikey and Ray are just next door, you don't want them to hear your slutty little moans, do you?" Frank had found out a few weeks ago about Gerard's thing for degradation, and ever since he had been using it against him at any point possible. As expected, Gerard whined loudly, his hips bucking wildly off the bed in a desperate search for friction.

"Calm down baby," Frank hushed as he undid Gerard's jeans, pulling them down along with his boxers, before undoing his own as quickly as humanly possible, which he discarded at a random point on the floor. He took a moment to appreciate the beauty of the scene in front of him, Gerard, his boyfriend, lying sprawled out in front of him, his hair sweaty and falling into his face as he panted lightly, his pale skin glowing softly in gorgeous contrast to his pinks cheeks, he was just pure gorgeousness. And Frank loved every part of him. Especially his dick.

"Fuck, you're so beautiful Gee." Frank groaned as he discarded his shirt, grabbing lube from his jacket pocket as he connected their lips once more.

"Please... please just save the cute emotional talk for afterwards, I really fucking need to get fucked right fucking now." Gerard moaned, high and loud.

"Of course, anything for my little whore." Frank chuckled. He rocks back so that he was straddling Gerard thighs, popping open the cap of the lube.

"I... I don't need prepped if that's what you're suggesting." Gerard mumbled, his face turning an incredibly hue of deep red.

"Oh, and why would that be?" Frank hummed, one eyebrow raised in interest.

"I fingered myself when you guys were out buying hats or whatever..." Gerard whispered, attempting to hide his head beneath his arms from embarrassment.

"Fuck that's hot." Frank panted out, before coating his fingers in lube and beginning to slick up his cock with the clear substance. Forget about condoms, they had both been tested and were both clean. He groaned at the attention, having to use way too much willpower to pry his fingers away, he was so fucking close, but he really would rather cum inside of Gerard.

He crawled on top of Gerard once more, Gerard automatically wrapping his legs around the other's waist as Frank began to press in slowly. Gerard moaned at the burn, he had always been a slut for the pain that came with the first stretch of being fucked.

Frank pressed his head against Gerard's neck, already in so much pleasure just from pushing a little bit in that it was ridiculous. He knew that neither of them were going to last long.

"Are you ok?" Frank stopped halfway in, checking Gerard's eyes for any sign of discomfort or reluctance.

"Don't you fucking dare stop, please fucking fuck me!" Gerard moaned, wrapping his legs harder around Frank's torso and pulling him down until his hips were flush to the other's ass.

They both moaned, high and loud as Frank began to rock in and out, slowly building up pace. Gerard's arms ran over frank's torso, following all of the dips and curves until finally settling on his back as Frank started battering against his prostate, digging his nails in and accidentally scratching bright red lines all down the other's back.

Frank quickened his pace, and Gerard was writing beneath him, hardly able to breathe between the strings of choked out moans that were falling from his mouth. Just the sight of Gerard like this was enough to push Frank to the brink, where he started stroking Gerard, wanting to make them release at the same time. He grit his teeth as he held on with all that he had, still fucking into the other at a furious and unforgiving pace.

"Fuck Frank!" Gerard all but screamed. "Faster, don't you dare fucking stop, I'm so fucking close..."

"You feel so good, such a tight little slut, and all for me, my little whore, so fucking good for me..." praise spewed from frank's mouth like a fountain as he got closer and closer to the edge, until Gerard screamed Frank's name out, white spurts of hot cum coating both fo their chests, and the feeling of his muscles tightening around Frank was enough to push him over the edge too, his sight hazing out as he rode the waves of pleasure, moaning loudly. Frank collapsed on top of Gerard as they rode out their high, eventually pulling out of him and snuggling up agains his side, too worn out to care about the sticky mess they were both lying in.

"That, that was my reason for living. And it was fucking worth it. That better be happening again." Gerard giggled.

"Of course, baby. I love you, y'know that?"

"Mhm, I love you too. Mikey's gonna kill us, isn't he."

"Yep." Frank kissed Gerard's cheek. "But that, that was worth Mikey being mad at us for a little while.

***


	21. * Extremely Fucking Stereotypical *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *smut again*

"Truth or dare?" Everyone looked up, groaning slightly at the mention of the cursed question.

"Really? Is this really fucking necessary?" Frank whined, from where he had been laying with his head in Gerard's lap, trying to get as close as physically possible to his boyfriend.

"Yes. Yes it is." Pete spoke from where he had been hanging upside down off of the bed.

Frank groaned, he hadn't meant for this to happen. He had intended to drop into Pete's "party", and then leave and head back to the house that he knew was empty since Gerard's parents were out of town, where he could do whatever he wanted with Gerard, preferably involving dicks. But his plan hadn't worked out, as per usual. With Frank's luck he really should have been expecting this. So now, due to several mishaps involving him and his extremely hot and socially awkward boyfriend, they were now stuck at Pete's house until possibly the end of the world.

"Oh shut up Frank. Everyone else wants to play it, see?" Pete gestured around at the room that was full of sprawled out, bored bodies. "Ok, well maybe not everyone, but I want to, and so we're gonna play it."

"I guess that's one way of looking at it." Mikey replied flatly, questioning why on earth he was dating the idiot of a raccoon.

"Yep. And 'coz I love you just that much Mikeyway, I'll let you ask first." Pete grinned.

"Oh, lucky me." Sarcasm dripped from his voice. He glanced around the room, seeing who he could torture the most, and no he definitely wasn't a sadist (or so he claimed), but he definitely had a love for making people as awkward as possible. "My dearest friend, Lindsey. Truth or dare?"

Lindsey stopped scratching at the carpet with her long nails, responding with a flat 'dare'.

"Hmmm, I dare you to let us go through your search history." Mikey grinned, knowing full well how much of a horrifying experience that was gonna be for everyone else in the room. Lindsey wouldn't care.

"I need to piss." Gerard stood up quickly, knocking his boyfriend of his lap and onto the floor in his rush to exit. Frank lay on the floor, his face offence personified.

This was exactly why Frank had just wanted to go home as early as possible, Gerard was amazing and he loved him, but he was also completely useless amongst not even big groups of people. Frank's guess was that he had gone to hide in a bathroom in an attempt to get away from humanity for a while. So being the annoying midget that he was, he got up to go after him, causing calls of 'remember to use protection' and 'I do not need to know about my brothers sex life' to trail behind him.

"Gerard, Gee!" He called out as he chased after him, causing Gerard to stop and wait for him to catch up.

"Really?" Gerard raised an amused eyebrow at how out of breath Frank was from the teeny burst of exercise.

"Oh, be quiet, I have tinsy legs compared to you and you're fucking lanky lamppost legs." Frank gasped out, causing Gerard to giggle quietly. Frank took that as a win. "You doing ok?" He added on, finally deciding to be a normal, caring boyfriend.

"Uh huh, just like, don't wanna be dared to do something like that, y'know? I'm really not close enough with them for me to be comfortable with something like that." Gerard explained.

"Well, you don't have to play. You could just watch, I'm sure they'll all understand, or I could explain that it's gotta be less personal questions, if you wanted?" Frank offered, wrapping his hands around the others.

"Would you... would you mind doing that?" Gerard looked at the floor.

"Not at all. You know I would do anything for you." Frank grinned, kissing his cheek. "You ready to go back in there?"

Gerard nodded, gripping Frank's hand as they made their way back to their original seat.

"Oh. So they didn't fuck." Greeted their ears as soon as they entered.

"Jeez, you don't gotta sound so down about it." Frank snarked. "Although, I am a bit disappointed myself." He winked at Gerard, who quickly became a blushing mess. Again.

"Anyways..." Mikey said, pointedly. "Away from my brother, and I think that it's Lindsey's turn."

"Yep." Lindsey smirked. Everyone leaned forward, listening closely. Lindsey was by far and away the wildest out of all of them, and not paying attention when she was talking naturally had a high risk of ending in death and/or a loss of a limb. "Ok. Mikey. Truth or dare."

"Um, truth?" Mikey questioned, unsure which was gonna gain him the least amount of teasing possible.

"Ok. Favourite sex position."

"I'm fucking sixteen." Mikey pointed out.

"Yes, and we all know that you and Pete are fucking, so answer the question." Lindsey fired back.

"I- does shower sex count?"

"No, but we've learnt one more thing about you. That's all good news on the bonding process." Frank smirked.

"I really would rather not be hearing about my younger brothers sex life, so please finish this question before I go into cardiac arrest from the horror of it all." Gerard mumbled, only just loud enough to be heard. Pete grinned at him, glad that his friend was beginning to become more involved.

"Fine, riding." Mikey finally answered as Gerard buried his face in his hands. "Frank. Truth or dare?"

"Dare, bitch. Do your worst. I'm from fucking New Jersey." Frank sprawled out more in Gerard's lap, annoyingly close to his crotch, so that he could all but see the dick that he so desperately wanted, but obviously it would probably be socially unacceptable to just whip out Gerard's dick in the middle of the living room, although he didn't think that Pete would mind.

"Dude, we're literally all from New Jersey you fucking dumbass." Lindsey pointed out. Frank glared daggers at her, trying to pierce her soul with his emo punk powers, which were one hundred percent definitely a thing.

"I mean she's right." Mikey added. "Anyways... I dare you to do the thing which you want to do most right now."

"Hmm." Frank hummed. "Stand up."

Mikey stood up confusedly, only to be hit in the balls with Frank's steel capped boots. No matter what people will tell you, steel hurts. Especially in the crotch area.

"Really? Was that really fucking necessary?" Mikey glared at Frank from where he was now collapsed on the floor.

"I mean, that was the dare. And you and Lindsey were pissing me off, and if I kicked Lindsey then I would probably be half

way up a drainpipe by now." Frank shrugged. "Okay... my turn!"

"You sound way too happy about that..." Gerard trailed off, nervously.

"Oy, Bert!" Frank yelled at the other side of the room, where Ray and Bert had been sheltering from the horrors that was a teenage game of truth or dare (and they may or may not have been playing Mario Kart).

"Yeah?" His head peeked up from behind the bed.

"Truth or dare?" Frank grinned evilly.

"Um, truth?" Bert stuttered.

"Hm, where are you on the sexuality scale of Mikey's jawline and Ray's hair." Frank smirked. He had his suspicions but Bert had never fully confirmed them.

"Uh, presuming that Ray's hair means gay as fuck, then Ray's hair with curling tongs." Bert disappeared back behind the bed, focusing again on the very vicious Mario Kart game he was originally playing.

"Welp, guess that that's that then." Frank shrugged, that had been very anti-climatic.

"Gerard. Truth or dare?" Bert called over.

"Uh, I'm not really playing..." Gerard trailed off.

"Nah, c'mon I promise I'll ask you something simple." Bert reassured.

"I... ok then, truth." Gerard decided.

"How do you put up the widget boy constantly being in your personal space?"

"It's because I've seduced him under a spell of sex." Frank answered for him, causing Gerard's face to go bright red.

"Sure." He replied, sarcastically. "No, I just... he's pretty sweet and cute and just yeah, I like him enough to allow it I guess. Um, Pete, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

Frank whispers in Gerard's ear.

"Um, I, well Frank, but technically I but whatever, dare you to send a photo of you kissing to someone who doesn't know about your relationship."

"Easy." Mikey shrugged, kissing Pete on the cheek as Pete took a selfie, before posting it on his snapchat story.

"Well, I guess that's one way of doing it." Gerard giggled, and once again Frank felt his heart stop beating from just how cute the sound was. Well, it wasn't quite as good as his moaning but it was a close second.

"Frank. Truth or dare."

"Are we just gonna forget about me?" Ray yelled from the other side of the bed. "Actually, it's probably better that way... forget I said anything!"

"Dare."

"I dare you to make out with Gerard for one minute. Tongue is needed and groping optional." Pete instructed, setting a timer on his phone.

"Are you ok with this?" Frank whispered to Gerard. Frank may act like an ass but he wasn't actually that much of an ass.

"Screw it, let's do it. At least I can permanently get revenge on my brother this way." Gerard smiled nervously.

Frank sat up from Gerard's lap, positioning himself so that he was straddling Gerard's lap, and then leant forwards, before connecting their lips, moving slowly at first, savouring the soft chappedness of his boyfriend's mouth.

"Dude, I told you that you have to fucking share saliva. And you've got forty seconds left so you better get into it." Pete's voice floated towards them, and so Frank moved his lips that little bit harder and rougher, before gently teasing his tongue into the other's mouth. Gerard moaned softly at the sensation, his mouth dancing softly with Frank's. His hand travelled down to Frank's chest, pawing at it through his shirt while his other hand rested on the back of Frank's neck. Frank was honestly becoming way too turned on considering this was just a simple kiss, but come on, he hadn't been fucked or fucked anyone else in over two weeks, and any action from the hottest boy in his life was enough to make all of his blood rush south.

"Ok ok, stop. I forfeit the dare." Mikey groaned, trying to shield his eyes from the disgusting sight in front of him. Frank flipped him off, pressing one sweet, short kiss to Gerard's lips before standing up, dragging Gerard up with him.

"Ok, thanks for that, it was very nice and all that but we're leaving now for totally innocent reasons. Bye." Frank rushed out as he dragged Gerard from the room, his boyfriend giggling madly with desire.

"Ok so now they're gonna fuck." Pete whispered.

"Pete. There is never a time when it is appropriate to bring up my brother's sex life with me, so please stop before I put you in a toaster and turn it on." Mikey's voice floated down to Frank's ears, but he was too horny to care, instead focusing his attention on struggling to pull his jacket on as fast as physically possible, before running back to Gerard's house so that they could do whatever they wanted undisturbed.

***

"You fucking loved that, didn't you? Fucking loved making out in front of other people, fucking love making a show of yourself, you're a dirty little whore." Gerard spat out between kisses. Frank moaned, loving the transformation in Gerard when it was just the two of them.

Gerard pulled him from the corridor, practically dragging him up the stairs towards his bedroom, randomly pinning Frank against whatever surface he could find whenever the seconds without his lips became too much for him. Eventually they made it into his room without anyone falling down the stairs or something equally likely, and Gerard immediately slammed the door shut, pinning Frank against it and stealing the other's saliva for his own. Frank was trying to suppress the embarrassing noises that were leaking from his mouth, but honestly, he was being pinned against a door by the actual hottest motherfucker he had ever seen, so you couldn't really blame him.

The sensations coursing through Frank's body only heightened as Gerard started rocking against him, breaking the kiss to start mouthing at Frank's neck, biting harshly at it and licking softly over the top of each bite mark that he had left. Frank greedily let his hips grind against Gerard, whining at the dull friction that he was getting through his jeans.

"Nuh uh pretty boy, I'm the one in control here, remember?" Gerard whispered against his neck, his hand going down to Frank's hips and holding them flat abasing the door to stop them from searching for his own pleasure. Frank groaned as Gerard rewarded him with slipping his thigh between his legs, allowing him to rut down onto it to try and relieve the pressure in his crotch.

Frank could feel himself getting close, just a few more thrusts and he'd be completely undone, but Gerard could sense it, and he had other things that he wanted to do with his elf-sized boyfriend.

"Bed." He growled deep in his throat, tearing himself away from where he had been plastered to Frank's body. "And get undressed. I don't want clothes getting in the way." Gerard's eyes were clouded with dark, swirling pools of untainted lust, and Frank scrambled to hurriedly obey his command. Gerard was slightly taken aback to turn around and see his boyfriend lying on the bed, his face flushed and hair tousled, not to mention his dick, which Gerard would have fucking worshiped with his tongue, but if he did then there was a high chance of spontaneous combustion from Frank.

Gerard fought with the buckle of his belt, his eyes never once leaving Frank's gorgeous body. In turn, frank couldn't focus on anything other than the soft, pale white skin that was being revealed to him before his eyes at a tantalisingly slow pace.

Once Gerard had dropped his boxers over his gorgeous legs, he crawled up on top of Frank, resting his forearms on either side of his head, propping himself just above Frank's body. Frank let out a whine at the sight, wanting to do nothing more than to lean up and force his lips upon the others (and if he was being honest, then maybe get Gerard to also jack him off), but if he did then he knew that he would no doubt be punished for it. Gerard was annoyingly strict in his rules.

"Please Gerard." Frank whined, biting down harshly on his lip. Gerard couldn't resist anymore, his self-control crumbling slightly as he gave in to want, and pressed his lips to Frank's wet ones. Within seconds they were making out wildly, tongues dancing and teeth scraping softly together, only to be broken as gerard pulled away to find the lube. There was a reason that it lived in his bedside drawer, and that reason was that he could remember where it was when everything else had gone out of the window in his cloud of desire.

Once Gerard had located the smallish bottle of lube (no condoms were needed as they had been tested and were both clean), he wasted no time in turning Frank over, so that his ass was facing the ceiling. Frank heard the pop of the cap, and he waited with battered breath for the feeling to come, the feeling that he so desperately craved. After what seemed like an eternity, Frank felt one of Gerard's fingers pushing in through the tight ring of muscle, and he tossed his head at the feeling of being full beginning to return. He wanted more though, no matter how many he always wanted more.

"M-more, please Gerard, I can t-take three, you know I can... ngh." Frank moaned out, rocking backwards onto Gerard's finger. Gerard smirked as he pushed in another two, waiting a few seconds before beginning to move them slowly, before he had a fast pace of pumping his fingers in and out of Frank's ass. Normally he would have tried to find his prostate, but with how strung up Frank was now, Gerard decided that he would be better off finding it when his dick was in Frank's ass instead of merely his fingers.

Once Frank began enjoying himself a little too much, Gerard pulled his finger out, wiping them on the bedsheets before recovering them in lube, only to start pumping himself, slicking his dick up with the substance. He groaned softly at the feeling, regretfully pulling his hand away before he lost it. He pulled Frank's head up by his hair, causing soft whimpers to be emitted from the other boy, and he smirked at the way that Frank looked down respectfully before him.

"You're gonna ride me, got it, slut? You're gonna do the work for the pleasure that you want. You're gonna ride me, like the little whore that you are." Gerard command, sitting himself down behind Frank. Frank pulled himself up from the bed, lining himself up over Gerard's cock before sinking slowly onto it, his head falling back against Gerard's shoulder. Gerard watched the way that his mouth fell open, how his eyes fluttered closed at the pleasure, how he was so desperate to get fucked, and he decided right there and then that there was nothing more gorgeous than Frank Anthony Iero (although he decided that every time that they fucked, or were in the same room together, or he even looked at a photo of the other).

Frank eventually started rocking his hips, starting to get a pace together as Gerard revelled in the tight heat surrounding his dick. The delicious friction of Frank's rocking was starting to screw with his brain, and he found himself thrusting up harshly without even realising it. Frank moaned loudly, high pitched and gorgeous as he started to try and move himself faster, always faster and always, always harder.

Frank could already feel himself getting close, he wasn't going to last long at all, but luckily Gerard seemed to be the same, as he was thrusting heavily, his breathing laboured as their skin stuck together with sweat. Frank's head was still resting on Gerard's shoulder, but he turned it so as to allow himself to nibble on Gerard's neck, effectively driving the other wild. Frank shifted slightly, and then let out the loudest, most desperate moan yet as bearer thrusted right against his prostate. Beard stilled his movements, grinding harshly against that spot as Frank all but sobbed in pleasure, and as soon as Gerard allowed him he was rocking his hips with more urgency. He was so close, so, so, so close.

Gerard's hand snaked around his chest, fondling with his nipples slightly before it made it's way down to Frank's dripping cock, s desperately seeking attention. Gerard started stroking his dick, and eventually it became hard, strong pumps as he tried to keep it in time with Frank's riding.

"Fuck, you feel so good, such a good little whore for me, aren't you? Cum for me. Cum for me like the little cumslut you are, begging me to fuck you, begging for your own pleasure." Gerard growled, his other hand tugging on Frank's hair.

And that was it for Frank, his cum exploding from him as he screamed out Gerard's name, his walls clamping down around Gerard in such a vicelike way that Gerard found himself cumming not even seconds after, and Frank whined at the feeling of being filled with the others cum. Gerard panted as he slowly came down from his high, Frank's head lolling against his shoulder. He slowly pulled out, not wanting to hurt the other from over-sensitivity, but was still mesmerised by his own cum dripping from Frank's hole.

Frank whined as he rolled over, pulling the less-soiled blanket over himself as Gerard tried his hardest to clean himself up with tissues, eventually giving up and crawling into bed with his boyfriend, relishing in the way that Frank curled into him, and he pressed a chaste kiss against his forehead as he wrapped the other in his warm embrace, deciding that they could be nasty, and clean themselves up when they woke up.

***


	22. And Still The Snow Kept Falling

e sat by the window, tears falling down in his face, all alone, blurry fingers tracing the trails of the flakes.

And still the snow kept falling. 

He sat curled up in a blanket, hot chocolate warming his veins, a light in his life that he couldn't truly be with.

And still the snow kept falling.

He sat with his head resting against the window, trying to figure out why he was so numb.

And still the snow kept falling.

He sat by the window, smiling softly as his light leant into their shared warmth, the snow no longer isolating but beautiful, dancing white flakes.

And all through the night, still the snow kept falling.


	23. Flying With The Melodies

We had been married for twelve years. Twelve. We had gotten married when I was twenty-four, and Gerard twenty-six. You would think that at this point we would know everything about each other, right? Wrong.

You see, there's this room. A room in our house, and throughout the entire fourteen years of us living in this house, I've never once been inside. "Gerard's Room". That's what it was dubbed in my head, and although he had never actually told me not to go in there, I always got the feeling that he didn't want me going in. And it was fine, maybe it bothered me a teeny bit, but I trusted him, and he was allowed his special places just for him as much as I was allowed mine. And so I respected his boundaries, and I had never once stepped foot into that room.

And all of these morals, all of the things that had stopped me from going in there for so long, that was what made it so hard on the day that I heard it.

***

I was lying on the floor, messing around with Soup as she ran around me, following my always moving arm. I giggled as she tried (and failed) to jump over me, her short legs only managing to propel her to the extent that she was sprawled out on my stomach. She lifted her head up and looked at me - dazed - before nuzzling her head into my neck and going straight to sleep. That's the thing about puppies, they can be super energetic one minute and then crash out within thirty seconds. Kind of reminded me of my gorgeous husband to be honest.

I lay there for who knows how long, staring at the ceiling as I tried to avoid waking up the little ball of sunshine that was snoring softly on my chest. The vibrations softly ran through me, little whines escaping her lips as her legs would kick occasionally; maybe she was dreaming about chasing rabbits? My ears pricked up as I heard other sounds besides of Soup's soft sleeping: melodies twisting and turning through the air, keys pressed softly, reminding me of cool ocean breezes and falling leaves. Notes that were flying blindly through the air, creating perfect harmonies, twisting back to the main tonic, bleeding out again to the furthest note of the pentatonic, crescendoing, fading away again, dancing, waltzing together with a voice.

The music brought tears to my eyes, goosebumps to my skin, sent shivers up my spine. Could this even be classed as music? It was more like a story, a story told in the shimmering notes that were floating by my head, words that had become a lilting melody of emotion. The falsetto was still singing, every emotion coming out into their voice, so that it felt like I was being touched right down to the beginnings of my nerves with a swirling ballroom of emotions that I had never felt so strongly before. 

The water is wide, I can't cross over

Barely distinguishable lyrics floated through occasionally, although mainly I could only hear the sorrowful, lonely dancing tone of the singers voice.

And neither I have wings to fly

It felt like swimming in a river in moonlight, it showed me shots of a happy couple: dancing in snow, watching the sunrise through the mist, falling asleep as the fire burns brightly on the beach. It told me a story of heartbreak and promises, a story of no one noticing the tide niggling at their toes, a story of their other half being unable to swim, a story with so much hope, and yet no hope at all, simultaneously, seamlessly, fused. It was the kind of song - story - that coils down your spine and makes you feel every single emotion at once, and yet nothing at the same time. And it wasn't a song, it wasn't an experience, it wasn't just a pure story, it wasn't an idea. It was everything. And it was also nothing. Simultaneously. Seamlessly. Fused.

Soup refused to lift her head, and she had already managed to find her way too far into my heart to allow me to wake her up, and so I lay, in silence, against the hard coldness of the wooden floor, and yet it was soft and warm, and yet it was cool and humid, and the tears continued to prickle my eyes, and the music continued to dance.

It was fading, softly diminishing into silence once more, and I felt an incomparable swirling mixture of emotions at the thought of it ending, and then soaring hope, flying high along with the falsetto's voice as they crescendoed to the peak of the song. Nothing could compare to this. I listened to music pretty much all day daily, but this... This was different. 

I couldn't move. I was paralysed from the beauty, lost in emotive waves that refused to cease their grip on me. And so I lay there, letting it wash over me, until it faded into darkened nothing and I could cease to hear it; left trembling and with tears threatening to spill over.

***

It still hung in the back of my mind, dedicated it's own gallery, but one where no one was permitted to enter. I tried to convince myself that it was a dream, I had been laying on the floor, and it would just make so much more sense if it was my own thoughts creating something that could never grace the soiled earths of this planet with it's beauty. Although, this probably wasn't the best way to think, but it was common for me: I had spent a full three months convinced that I had made Gerard up when we had first met.

I ignored the entire experience, trying to go about my average daily life, and only occasionally falling into the chasm of what had truly happened. I don't know why it hit me so hard, it didn't make any sense. It was just a song, right? Surely I had to just have been overreacting to the entire experience.

For some reason unbeknown to me, I just couldn't accept what I had felt. I couldn't accept that that was what had really happened. If that was true, then why didn't other music do that? I couldn't believe it, my brain and pride was just too much to allow it to be true to me. 

That was, until I heard it again.

***

I was in the kitchen, chopping up tomatoes as I hummed softly under my breath, dancing around the kitchen as I cooked, probably looking like an absolute idiot in the process. I was making dinner for Gerard and I (vegetarian lasagna, mainly because I had nothing better to do since Gerard had disappeared to what I resumed to be the secret room). The kitchen was full of noise: the sizzling of frying tomatoes, the clicking of the oven heating up, the weird roar that the hob made when it was switched on. 

Which is why I was so surprised when I heard one clear note ring out through the kitchen, cutting clear and clean throughout the various noises that came with cooking. I stopped what I was doing immediately, shutting off the hums that had been escaping from me as I cooked. I looked around the kitchen: nothing. There was nothing. Nothing that could have caused that sound. My ears pricked as I heard follow up sounds.

I recognised it; why did I recognise it?

This is ground control to Major Tom

They floated through the air towards me. 

Gerard. It had to be Gerard, he was the only person who sang Space Oddity like that. Was that what the secret room was about? I hurriedly chopped the last of the tomatoes, somehow avoiding tripping over Soup and Lois as I turned around to pour them into the now bubbling pot of various other vegetables and tomato puree. I wiped my hands on a tea towel, turning the hob down to the minimum heat and switching on the oven timer so that I could afford to leave it momentarily.

I rushed out of the room, almost sliding along the floor as I followed the flying harmonies down the wooden floored hall. I stopped outside the door to "Gerard's Room", my hand flying to the door handle before my morals kicked in, the promise to myself that I didn't want to break. His privacy. He had a right to his privacy.

The music was definitely coming from inside that room, floating through the door, and I reached out to touch it as I sunk down against the cold wood of the door. I pressed my ear against the door, trying anything possible to get closer to the music, to my husband. My knees curled up to my chest as I sat there, my ear and cheek pressed to the door as my hand pressed against the cold wood of the floor. My eyelids shuttered softly over my eyes, turning my world from light to dark as I let the music envelope me, Gerard's gorgeous voice sinking into my skin. 

The crescendoing music lulled me into a space beyond consciousness, a darkened place of sober dancing, of sequenced steps, a space where I could fly high with the melodies. And the music continued to twist and pull through me, continued to set off every nerve ending, continued to set off every single emotion physically possible, even though I knew the song, and it had never had this effect before.

***

"Frankie. Frankie, baby, wake up." My eyes opened blearily, revealing the blurry figure of my husband softly poking me as he crouched in front of me, worriedly. He sighed and his lips quirked up in a smile when he saw me opening my eyes. "The timer was going off so I switched the food off, I didn't really know what to do so I decided to wake you up to make sure."

"Thanks, that was exactly what needed to happen." I replied, kissing his cheek as he held out a hand to help me up. We went through to the kitchen together, not letting go of our clasped hands despite the building layer of sweat.

"Hey, I kinda need my hand back to cook..." I laughed, looking at the linked fingers between us. Gerard blushed and let go of my hand immediately: I found it endearing that he could still be turned into a blushing, flustered mess by things like this.

"O-oh... sorry." He giggled slightly, before going to sit down at the table. "Is there anything I can help with? I feel bad that it's just you doing all the work here..."

"Uh, yeah, actually you could get the pasta sheets out and start layering it up while I make garlic bread?" I requested while I was rummaging through the cupboards, looking for tinfoil. "Gerard, did you see where the tinfoil wen- wait, don't worry, found it." 

Gerard smirked at me as he grabbed a dish from another cupboard, beginning to layer up the pasta and sauce until it actually began to resemble a lasagna. By that time, I had also finished up the garlic bread and so proceeded to put them both into the heated oven, so that they could finally be ready to eat. 

After we had cleared up we both sat at the table, him sketching on a random sheet of paper and me watching him, focused on the way his eyebrows furrowed slightly, the way his forehead creased, the way his tongue would stick out from between his teeth, the way he would always brush him arm against the paper once he had finished drawing a bit that he liked. He was gorgeous, the most gorgeous creature that I ever have and ever will see. I had no doubt about that.

But me being the stupid and dumb idiot that I was, I just had to bring up the secret room.

"So, um... Gee?" I looked up at him nervously.

"Yeah, baby?" He stopped his sketching, instead peering at him curiously with his tilted to the side, almost like a confused puppy. 

"S-so... I was wondering..." I paused, trying to figure out how on earth I wanted to word this. "Um, you know that room, the one I never go in? So, uh, recently I've been hearing like, really seriously amazing music coming from it, and I was wondering... what is it that you do in there?" My gaze dropped to the table, terrified of having upset the love of my life.

"Uh, I um, I just kinda have like a grand piano in there, it was my gran's, and then, when she died... She was the one who taught me how to play, y'know?" His eyes were glistening and his words wavered.

His hands were resting on top of the table so I leant forwards to take them into my own.

"Would it... I mean, could I, maybe, hear you play? Only if you want to, of course." I asked, hesitantly.

He nodded softly.

"I- yeah, of course you can, I've never really played for anyone else besides me and gran, but for you, I would do anything."

I leant completely across the table in order to press my lips softly against his, expressing all of my gratitude into that one movement against his mouth.

"Now?" I asked, hopefully.

"I guess now is as good a time as any." He laughed at my eagerness, standing up and leading me to the door to the room which I had never entered. 

He twisted the doorknob and my breath caught in my throat as the lights were turned on.

The walls were lined with deep, dark red wood, littered with softly glowing fairy lights seeing as there was no window for some reason, and right in the centre, directly beneath the weird bottly thing that Gerard was using a light shade (I'm gonna guess that I was some artsy upcycling thing) was a massive, dark grand piano. The cover was lifted up to a slight angle, the little hammers on the inside just visible to me at the doorway. The room wasn't necessarily big, but the lack of objects made it seem the perfect size.

"Play something for me, please. Original or not, I just wanna hear you play." I begged Gerard.

"Ok then." He went to sit on the drawn out piano stool looking around for a second before beckoning to me. "There's not any other seats so you can sit with me if you'd like."

He scooched up to the end of the piano stool, and I perched precariously beside him, wrapping my arms around his torso for dear life. 

"I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too, baby. Ok, so uh, this one, it's not really called anything but I refer to it as Piano Jam." 

Gerard's long, artist fingers pressed softly against the keys, the sound emitting as sweet and pure as a nightingale's song. His body, pressed against mine, vibrated softly as he began to sing, his voice matching the piano perfectly. The melodies once again began to fly and dance as his body swayed with the music, his eyes closed as his fingers felt the keys beneath them. Before I knew what was happening, I had my face pressed into Gerard's neck, feeling warm, wet tears splash onto the fabric covering his shoulder. He rested his head on top of mine, his voice floating above anything else, as we flew high, dancing throughout the melodies. 

Happiness and pain.

Good and evil.

Light and dark.

Everything and nothing.

Simultaneously. 

Seamlessly. 

Fused.

That was the only way to describe it.


	24. A Reason For A Lost Cause

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Set in WW1*

It was at times like this when Frank forgot why they're fighting. It was at times like this when Frank forgot that they're fighting at all. To be honest, he never wanted to fight. He never agreed with Hitler. It made him feel rotten and disgusted to the core to know that he was fighting for Hitler, and therefore Hitler's views and policies, but it was either that or die, and at least this way there was a slight chance of him living to see his twentieth birthday this way, unlike his poor father.

He stared out over the ripples and waves of the sea, concrete buildings scattered across it, polluting what should be a beautiful sight with the horror of what mankind is truly capable of. Except that it was still beautiful, maybe it wasn't the stereotypical type of beauty, but to be honest, Frank had never once really liked nor related to stereotypical beauty, he always preferred unique things. And if this was anything then it was unique. He doubted that there were that many beaches out there that carried this much destruction.

It was a pity, really. Well, it was more than a pity, but there are limited words in the dictionary, and this was one of the few that seemed to fit it, albeit more than slightly underestimating.

He sat atop the sand dunes, he didn't really know where he was anymore. He didn't really care either. He had gone out for a walk, and maybe he didn't actually care where he ended up, and maybe he was slightly wishing that he had stumbled into enemy lines so that they could just kill him and get it over and done with, because then at least it would have been a hero's death, and although he was sure of his decision when he had (not necessarily by choice) enrolled in the army, now he wasn't so sure, because when he thought about it, he was really only adding fuel to the fire of war: if no one fought then there would be nothing to fight for. Or something along those lines.

It was peaceful for once. The bombs had been never-ending, the quick blasts from shotguns and machine guns seeming eternal, the ringing in his ears absent of any end, and the volcanoes of sand that were created when the shells dropped to the beach imprinted into his brain at least until death.

The nineteen year old soldier looked out over the seas, under the clouds which were helping the stars to skittishly hide behind them, the moon weak and watery, as though it was hiding its face from the embarrassment that humanity had become, fighting their own species for no real reason. The wind rushed against his face, and then the bombs start again. It was half four in the fucking morning, can't they have any peace? Apparently not.

He watched the explosions flare up beneath him, the little people that looked like ants down below scurrying around desperately, and although he hated to admit it, the pretty colours of the bombs and the gorgeous and uniqueness of the sand flying around them almost made him forget that there were people down there, people with families and children and friends, people who were dying. And all because of other people.

"Excusez-moi?" A husky, slightly nasally voice asked from behind him. Frank scurried backwards in shock, scrabbling around for his gun.

(Excuse me?)

"Wer bist du?" He asked, shakily pointing the barrel of the gun at the strangers head.

(Who are you?)

"J'mappelle Gerard Way. Et tu?"

(My name is Gerard Way. And you?)

"Mein Name ist Frank Iero, ich unterstütze die Nazis nicht, aber ich bin gezwungen, mit ihnen zu kämpfen, wegen meiner flammenden Homosexualität. Bist du von den französischen Verbündeten? Ich werde nicht schießen, ich werde Sie nicht verletzen, keine Angst." Frank stated as he lowered the gun.

(My name is Frank Iero, I don't support the Nazis but I'm forced to fight with them, because of my flaming homosexualness. Are you with the French resistance? I will not shoot, I won't hurt you, don't worry.)

Gerard visibly relaxed.

"Oui. Et merci."

(Yes. And thank you.)

"Sprichst du Englisch, es ist einfacher für mich zu übersetzen."

(Do you speak English, it is easier for me to translate.)

"Oui. Yes."

"Thank you. So, are you with the resistance? And are you all going to jump out and ack, what's the word... shoot me? Because if you are then I would rather that you just do it now." Frank questioned.

"No, I am, how you say, looking for a place to relax, away from the madness that is now the beach." Gerard came warily closer, his hand still loosely gripping the gun that was strapped to his back, prepared to shoot at any minute.

"Yeah... it all seems pretty pointless really. The mess of this world I mean. What are we fighting for in the end? Nothing. Null. Nichts." Frank turned his back on Gerard, a brave move. Turning your back on someone meant that you either trusted them not to sink a knife into your back, or that you didn't truly care whether you lived or died anymore. For some reason unbeknown to Frank, this time it was both.

Frank's attention was divided between the strange boy behind him and the band around his arm that clearly showed that he was a nazi. He picked at the loose threads around it, before tearing it off of his arm and spinning it around, threading it through his fingers. It disgusted him to wear that patch, the pressure constantly reminding him of what he was branded as: how he fought for evil, how he had no choice but to fight when he would rather be on the opposing side. But nothing would help that, he would either be shot for dissertation by the Nazis, or he would be shot for being a "German spy" by the allies. Either way it would not end well for him.

"I apologise if I'm being too out of line here, but you look really beautiful in this light. Si belle." Gerard broke the silence, talking softly as the loud crashes of bombs and the shattering of machine guns continued to float up to them. Frank turned around softly, blush tainting his cheeks as he looked at Gerard's face in search for something that showed he was telling the truth. His eyes were downcast, half lidded as he liked shyly at the ground, his tongue licking his lips as his fingers twisted themselves into what seemed like extremely painful positions. It may just have been the gay, love starved side of himself that was saying it, but to Frank he had never seen a human being that adorably shy, especially not a soldier from the opposing side to him.

(So beautiful.)

Frank's eyes widened as he realised that he still had to think of an articulate response in a brain that had gone into a state of panic as his internal gay slowly rose up through him.

"I-I... thank you. You look bezaubernd." Frank smiled shyly up at him.

(adorable)

"I... I don't know that much German, I'm sorry." Gerard blushed heavily, his teeth worrying his bottom lip as Frank smirked in the satisfaction that he could make the soldier react like that.

"It's ok. I made you blush." Frank giggled as he budged the other boy with his arm.

"You did not, it was just the light." Gerard pouted, defensively.

"Aw, don't pout schön Junge, I wanna see that schön smile."

(Pretty boy, beautiful)

"Pretty... pretty boy. I'm sorry, is that what you meant to say?" Gerard looked flustered.

"Yep." Frank smirked, popping the 'p' as he took in the adorable sight in front of him.

"O-oh... merci but I'm not pretty... nor do I have a beautiful smile. Ce n'est pas vrai."

(Thank you, It's not true.)

"Hey, I may not understand that much French but I do know what that means, and you are, Sie haben das schönste Lächeln. And we are meant to be enemies so I think that you can believe me when I say it. It is nothing but the truth, mein schön Junge."

(You have the most beautiful smile. My pretty boy.)

"If they knew what was going on up here..." Gerard trailed off, changing the subject so as to attempt to avoid the blush on his face growing stronger. "My brother, mon meilleur ami, he's down there somewhere. He begged to go with me. It was all a mistake, every single part of this war is a mistake. What if Mikey gets hurt, Frank? Que faire si mon petit frère meurt ?"

(My best friend, What if my baby brother dies?)

Frank took him into his arms as best as he could despite still having both of their guns strapped to their backs and the stiff uniform that he was forced to wear.

"He will be fine, one day they will see how pointless this all is, why sacrifice so many for so little? They will see how much of a godforsaken mess this all is, and it will end. And I can promise you that it will all be fine in the end." Frank pressed his lips to the side of Gerard's face, tasting the salty tang of warm tears. He immediately jumped back in horror of what he had just done. Had he crossed a boundary? Was Gerard going to shoot him?

"No... don't go... please." Gerard requested as Frank tried to disentangle his arms from where they were wrapped around his torso.

"I... you aren't upset?" Frank stilled in his motions.

"Non... c'était mignon, tu es mignon." Gerard blushed heavily, and Frank sank down against the coarse grass of the sand dune, Gerard sitting between his legs and resting against his chest. Frank's hands traveled absentmindedly, stroking the heated skin of the others cheek.

(No... it was cute, you are cute.)

"When I came up here I was looking for space away from the war... although it seems unescapable this is far as I can go. I never expected to find someone like you here." Frank wondered aloud, immediately knowing that he had said something wrong from the way that Gerard's head shot up.

"People like me? Que veux-tu dire par là? Are you saying that I would not come up here? What are you implying?" Gerard tried to stand up but Frank grabbed his hand hopelessly, trying to prevent him from moving.

(What do you mean by that?)

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude... I just... Ich dachte nur, dass niemand sonst meine Ansichten teilen würde. Und du hast keine Ahnung, wie schwer es dir hier fällt, du bist zu gut für diesen Krieg. I am so sorry Gerard, I never wished to hurt you, please forgive me... Es tut mir so leid, schön Junge."

(I just thought that no one else would share my views. And you have no idea how difficult it is for you here, you are too good for this war. I am so sorry, pretty boy.)

Gerard visibly relaxed, allowing himself to be pulled back against the Nazi. He wanted to enjoy the moment: to enjoy the moment while it lasted, to enjoy the moment before they had to go back to the bitter truth, before they had to go back to this lost cause of a war.

The beach was dark, explosions lighting up small patches of it as grenades were thrown, the glow bathing everything in an orange light that one wouldn't say was dissimilar to a campfire; if you forget about the war, and the lost lives, then it could be a peaceful illusions. But the screams were still there, the screams of those in agony, the screams of those tearing their hearts out as others fell to the ground around them. It hurt knowing that he was a part of all that, he played the part for Hitler, he didn't have a choice. He was part of the cause for their pain. He couldn't live like this. And yet he was forced to. But for just two minutes, maybe he and Gerard could just pretend that nothing was happening, that they were living a normal life, but then again, this war was the normal life now.

It was beginning to seem never ending, and to be perfectly honest, Frank had almost given up on it ever finishing. Each time that one side seemed to finally be becoming victorious then the other would make a sudden comeback, and soon they would just be in a gina standstill, moving less than a centimetre before going straight back to where they began. He finally had hope, he finally had a light, a light that was laying in his arms at the top of a sand dune by a war zone, which to be honest might not be quite one hundred percent what Frank would have wanted when he met a cute sweet guy, but hell was he grateful that they had run into each other. Even if they never saw each other again he still would have been more grateful then he would have ever imagined possible.

"Schön Junge, du bist mein schön, schön Junge." Frank whispered into the cool breeze, so fucking grateful for the warmth in his arms, so fucking grateful to have met that boy even though they had known each other for less than an hour.

(Pretty boy, you're my pretty, pretty boy.)

"Hm?" Gerard hummed, looking up at Frank with wide, curious, innocent eyes. How could he still be innocent when this was what he was doing: fighting in a war that was going nowhere, continuously surrounded by the corpses of his comrades.

Frank tried, he genuinely did try, he tried his hardest to hold back from everything, but it just wasn't working. He was falling, falling closer to the ground, his brain hijacked, his eyes unseeing. He forgot everything, he forgot he was in a war zone, he forgot he was stood less than a kilometre away from the deathly shells, all he knew was that the boy in his arms was his hope. And he needed hope. More than anything. That was all he knew in those moments, and it was blatant that he didn't know enough.

No one ever knows enough.

He fell, hard. His lips made contact, his eyelids closing as he felt his hope against him. The hope that he could never truly be with until this war was over, that is, if his hope even cared about him like that.

After the initial attack of his lips, Gerard relaxed against Frank once more, allowing him to move their lips together however he desired. Gerard was giddy, his eyes dancing, his mind shocked that this short, fucking adorable Nazi solider would ever like him enough to do this, but he was not complaining.

This was so bad on so many fronts, and yet at the time they knew nothing other than each other, they knew nothing other than the hope, and the hope was all that they needed in that moment. The hope was what would keep them alive, the hope was what they needed, what they craved, what they desired. And the hope was the other.

Frank pulled away, gently, softly, his fingers caressing the calloused and scarred skin of Gerard's gorgeous face. He didn't feel the need to apologise, this was all so wrong, but to the two of them it was also all so right.

"Gerard, mein Schön Junge, es tut mir so leid, ich will nicht gehen... ich will nicht kämpfen, können wir einfach weglaufen? einfach gehen... unseren Tod vortäuschen?" Frank asked, tears pricking his eyes.

(Gerard, my pretty boy, I'm so sorry, I don't want to leave... I don't want to fight, can we just run away? Just leave... fake our deaths? )

"No Frankie, we can't. This will end one day, you know it will, and then things will change. We will be fine. I promise you, mon espoir, we will be fine, you will be fine, and I will be fine." Gerard whispered, his hands stroking through Frank's hair as they lay together on the scarcely covered sand.

(My hope)

"You know that's not true, even pretty boys die in war, perfect human beings die in war, war doesn't care for good or bad, war cares for death, and hurt." Frank said, bitterly.

He wanted nothing more than to escape, to escape with his pretty boy, to escape and never come back, to forget everything he had seen; to know nothing other than that he needed his hope. But that is never an option.

"I'm so sorry, mon espoir, but we will end this. No matter who wins we will end this. And then it will be over."

(My hope)

"You Bastarde had better win this, a world under hitler is a world that I don't want to be in." Frank giggled.

(Bastards)

"We'll try." Gerard kissed Frank's forehead as they gazed at the skies, preparing for the darkness that was going to consume as soon as they left their hope.

"Mein Schön Junge." Frank whispered as they tore themselves away from each other.

(My pretty boy)

"Mon espoir." Gerard smiled in response.

(My hope)

"Look after yourself, don't get hurt, please." Frank begged, his eyes giving away the turmoil in his brain.

"I wont if you won't." Gerard smiled again.

"I'd do anything for you, just please stay safe. Auf Wiedersehen, ich liebe dich mein Schön Junge." Frank spoke as he walked away.

(Goodbye, I love you my pretty boy.)

"Frank! What does that mean? 'Ich liebe dich mein...'" Gerard trailed off as Frank never turned.

The walk away was painful, the strength not to look back at his fading light. But at least now he had a cause, a cause to a totally pointless and lost cause of a war. All because of his pretty boy: his hope.


	25. I Am An Extremely Tall Short-o

There was one thing that Gerard didn't understand about vampire romances. The vampire was always the hot one, always the sexy ones, always the ones with the smouldering dark eyes, and yeah, maybe some of the fully grown vampires were like that, but hell did Gerard fanboy over the baby vampires. Not the baby vampires as in two or three year old toddlers, but in the newly turned baby vampires. In the way that they only had tiny little pointy fangs, and in their playfulness as they were taught the ways of the vampires.

Gerard just did not see how someone could prevent themselves from squealing at the little balls of black energy that books showed them as, but to be honest he was a sucker for anything cute or innocent. He didn't see what all of the fuss was over how hot someone was, he didn't get why people fell head over heels for the girls in short skirts and 3 metre high heels that roamed around the corridors of his college. I mean, it might have had something to do with the extreme gayness that just radiated off of him that he had absolutely zero love or sex interest in girls.

But back to the vampires. 

The seventeen year old was sat underneath an apple tree, the dappled pale patches of moonlight dancing around him as they broke through the spaces between the branches and leaves. In the summer it never really did get truly dark, but the sun was absent for a few short hours in the early morning, only to reappear again before six in the morning. It was strange, despite it being the middle of summer, as soon as the sun set coldness descended like a feather falling softly from the sky.

His eyes squinted to make out the inked words on the page, the sun having been setting slowly for the past two hours which gave his eyes the chance to adjust. He could just read the darkened words off of the pale cream paper, but eventually he closed the book in disgust when he realised that it was exactly like every other one of those other godforsaken books that he had read. 

"Meh mi meh, fucking hot, bla bla, come on you twats couldn't you write about something even vaguely interesting?" Gerard mimicked as he glared what he hoped to be threateningly at the closed cover of the book. "C'mon, why is everyone always hating on the li'l babies, I mean, they're so fucking cute, and they've got those little baby fangs, and they're so fuckin' cute and playful, man, these books really do not understand."

It was taking his entire effort not to simultaneously burn the stupid motherfucking book about fucking hot vampires, and also not start fanboying over how fucking cute motherfucking baby vampires are, because seriously, even the mere thought of them was enough to make him melt into a writhing mess of cuteness overload. 

He was so taken in by the theory of all of his fantasies involving baby vampires that he didn't even notice the pale, oval face that was swinging in front of him. 

"Hi." It giggled as it swung in and out of their view, the moonlight illuminating their face into a pale white haven, soft flakes dancing in their eyes.

Gerard refused to allow himself to jump but his eyes widened slightly at the shock of seeing another person at one in the morning on top of a hill. 

"H-hi." He stuttered in response, his pupils diluting as he tried to make out the features of the person in front of him. 

"What you doin'?" The figure grinned, and Gerard couldn't help but gasp out loud.

Fangs. 

Baby, baby, tinily pointed fangs.

"I- you- vampire- baby-" Gerard stuttered out, his eyes wide and cheeks flushed that he was actually witnessing this.

"Huh? Oh yeah, I'm a vampire now, aren't I? I always forget about that..." Frank shook his head sadly. "Well, if it helps I'm not gonna hurt you..."

"N-No, I knew that... but like... you're a fucking baby vampire! Like, you're actually real and holy fuck, I never thought this would ever happen, are you sure I haven't just fallen asleep?" Gerard had sat up straight, his arms swinging wildly around him as Frank continued to swing from the tree branch by his knees.

"Well, actually at the Elysium they call us "fledglings"... but I guess it's the same idea, and guess what! Soon they're gon' let us actually become part of the kindred society! I know it sounds weird, but I'm so excited!" Frank grinned, swinging back and forth slightly in his excitement.

"You... you are really fucking cute, even for my expectations." Gerard wondered aloud. "Hey, what's your name, pumpkin?"

Frank giggled at the nickname. "Pumpkin 'coz 'm spooky, right? I like it... 'n' my name is Frank, what's your name, Tall-o?"

Gerard gaped at him.

"Tall-o? Really? I give you a cute nickname and that's what you give me in return?"

"Hey!" Frank pouted. "I mean... you are taller than me, and I dunno... isn't it kinda cute? I can change it if you want."

Frank's face had shattered, his eyes swirling with tears that were threatening to spill over, his eyebrows scrunched and his voice wavering. It broke Gerard's heart.

"Hey, pumpkin, it's fine ok? It's really cute, I like it." He tried to smile reassuringly, and not like he was about to implode from the guilt that he had just made his adorable vampire almost cry. Wait... his? He shook his head to attempt to clear the possessive protectiveness he felt over the vampire who he had known for a grand total of ten minutes. He had a habit of falling in love with strangers, but really this was a whole new level, and he hadn't actually really felt like this about anyone ever before. "I've never had any name like that before."

"Really?" Frank's head disappeared from Gerard's sight as he pulled himself up on to the branch so that he was upright, before falling to the ground in front of Gerard. His eyes were wide and excited again, and Gerard felt happiness surge through him at the fact that his baby vampire was happy again. Seriously, he had to stop thinking like this, Frank wasn't his... but surely that didn't stop him from fantasising?

"Yep. I think it's gonna be my favourite nickname ever, pumpkin." It was taking all of Gerard's willpower not to spring forwards and just suffocate his pumpkin with hugs and love, the amount of adorableness that just rolled off of him would end up being fatal for Gerard if he had to keep restraining himself like this.

"Yay! Does that make me your favouritest person ever?" Frank questioned, batting his long eyelashes at Gerard, hope radiating off of him.

"Hmm, how about you're my favourite vampire, huh?" Gerard reasoned, and with the way that Frank cheered he couldn't help himself. Before he knew what he was doing, he had sprung forwards and pulled Frank into his arms, his hands closing behind the others back as he held Frank as close to him as physically possible, only flinching away when he felt the cold brush of Frank's skin (I mean, how the fuck did he forget that vampires were always cold?).

"Tall-o... what are you doing?" Frank's voice whispered from between them.

"Well, short-o, I'm hugging you, because you're really fucking adorable and I don't think that even a fucking crowbar could pry me off of you because seriously how are you so fucking cute, like it is not fair that you get all of that adorableness and I've not even known you for na hour yet but I already know that you're laugh and smile are the best things that I've ever known my whole life, and holy fuck you've got the smallest little fangs and— I really should have asked you if I could hug you before doing this, shouldn't I? Don't worry, 'm only seventeen so it's not like I'm being a pedo or anything... but still, I'm really sorry, I can go if you want..." Gerard's mouth literally would not shut up, the amounts of word vomit that there sneaking through his lips far too great for him to shut up. He began to retract his arms from around Frank, who whined slightly. "You okay?" Gerard continued to ask hesitantly.

"Please don't go... you're warm, 'n' nice, even if you do call me short-o. 'M not that short, I'm only sixteen." Frank mumbled, slightly embarrassed.

"You're cold?" Gerard asked, truthfully not knowing that vampires actually had the capability to get cold. And Gerard was quite possibly the biggest vampire nerd ever in existence, which meant that probably no one on the earth at any point had ever known that they could get cold. 

Frank nodded, for some reason haven gone from one hundred miles an hour try down to absolute zero.

"Aw, okay, c'mon move a teensy bit and I'll get you warm again." Gerard smiled, feeling his protectiveness kick in again, even against something as trivial and ineffable as the fucking cold. 

Frank stepped away from his arms as Gerard disentangled himself from his scarf, unraveling it from around his neck before going over to where the 'fledgling' was standing and wrapping it around the others. 

"Warmer?" Gerard asked, hesitantly refusing to move his arm from around Frank's shoulders.

"Not really, but I can feel your warmth, I like it. Don't think I really can be warm, but I wish I could be, y'know?"

"Aw that sucks baby pumpkin, but I'll always be here if you need someone to steal warmth from."

"Really?" Frank giggled, an idea popping into his head. "So you're like my own personal heater then."

"If that was what you really wanted then sure." Gerard grinned, leaning down to grab his book.

"Seriously?" Frank exclaimed, his eyes wide as he caught sight of the cover.

"What?" Gerard panicked, worried he'd done something wrong or offensive.

"Seriously, never read that book, if you have then I pity you. It's kinda true though, I mean, some vampires are super hot, but they're also all complete sluts, quite literally a lot of the fledglings who are around me in the Elysium go and try to seduce the Elders, and not many of them come back... They're always so desperate to please, so desperate to serve their elders... It's not right, tall-o, vampires are meant to be cold and selfish, not like that."

Gerard's throat ran dry.

"D-Did you ever..." He trailed off. Frank wouldn't have... right? He was too pure, too innocent for any of that.

"No... no of course I haven't, the others all call me names for it, but they're kind of just meanies... that's why I'm so excited to be allowed into the actual realm! When they let us become part of the kindred society then they'll finally leave me alone! To be honest, I kinda wish I had ended up in Jasper's domain instead of Carlie's... apparently in Jasper's everyone is nice, but I can't really join it because a member of Carlie's society is the one who turned me." Frank explained sadly, his excitement being clouded with sadness at the thought that this would be his life. 

"Hey, are you sure there's no other way? I swear that you could be like an alleycat or something... a vampire who doesn't have a set haven, or am I wrong? Sorry, I've never really met an actual vampire before..."

"I could." Frank laughed sadly. "But 'm not mature enough to look after myself, I have literally no clue what I'm doing which is why I'm still a fledgling, I still need to be taught and have someone to look after me." 

"I... this is gonna sound so stalkerish oh my fucking god, but like, I actually have my own place 'coz my parents kicked me out for being gay, and like, I could help? I dunno... sorry, that was probably a bad idea to say that, I'm sorry I know I can be creepy and straight forward, I'm so sorry..." Gerard's hands were flying around again in his agitation, his arm having unhooked from Frank's shoulder in the process.

"Really?" Frank turned his cervine eyes on the other, long eyelashes brushing his skin.

"If you wanted to, then yeah, I would love to have you around short-o, and I could help you learn whatever you need to, I have loads of books on vampires... Also, like you're really fucking cute to be honest and I don't really wanna ever have to leave you so like... there's that." Gerard flushed, stumbling over his words.

"But like... won't people question why you have a boy in your house who only comes out at night?" Frank worried.

"Well, I can tell them you're my boyfriend and that fixes that, and I never really leave the house except for school so it's fine, and the fact that they don't question why there's a seventeen year old boy living alone tells me that they probably won't question you either." Gerard smiled reassuringly.

"But... but I'm not your boyfriend?" Frank asked with an adorable head tilt, looking like a confused puppy. 

"It's fine, it's just one lie and it protects you, and I would do anything to keep you safe." Fuck, he had not meant for that to slip out. Fucking stupid word vomit around cute boys.

"Y'know... I really like you, tall-o." Frank looked up at him with glowing cheeks, his eyes shining in the moonlight.

"I really like you too short-o. A lot more than you realise." Gerard smiled back, absentmindedly going to pet the smaller's hair.

Frank growled what he hoped to be threateningly but actually made Gerard internally melt even more, and he couldn't help himself as he scooped Frank up into his arms, holding him as close as physically possible to his body.

His lips found themselves on the smaller's forehead, then his cheeks, then his nose, then his eyes, and he pulled away just far enough to look into the others eyes before deciding whether they really should travel to their wanted final destination. 

Frank's eyes were closed, but they fluttered halfway open at the loss of Gerard's warm lips against his face, his eyes alight with excitement and nervousness and hope, and just the sight of one of his teeny fangs nibbling on his lip ring had all thoughts of morality flying straight out of Gerard's head, and thank fuck that Frank was down for this or else he probably could have been charged on assault. 

His forehead fell against the others cold skin, his lips slowly closing the unbearable gap between them before pressing against the cool, soft flesh, his skin a similar temperature to his lip ring. Frank pressed back against him, not fully sure on how to respond to kisses, just knowing that he really fucking wanted to continue feeling the others warmth against him. 

Gerard surged against him at the feeling of the other's lips moving slightly against his own, and the slight nibbling of the baby fangs against his bottom lip was enough to send him tumbling head first into a never-ending pit of fucking worshipping this baby vampire with every cell in his body. 

Eventually the lack of air made Gerard force his lips away from the other, continuing to rest his forehead against Frank's as his breath made the shiny hairs framing the others face dance slightly.

"C'mon... let's go home." Gerard smiled, holding out a hand to the other. "Also, do you think that we could maybe make that boyfriend thing not so much of a lie? I think that after a week or two it could become the truth, don't you, pumpkin?"

Frank grinned, leaning up to press a quick peck to the others cheek as he skipped alongside the other, hanging off of his hand.

"Pretty please." He smiled back, agreeing with pretty much everything that Gerard had ever said to him in the hours of their meeting.


	26. I Have Grown!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sequel to last chapter*

The diaphanous mist swirled around him as he strode forwards, his feet falling heavily amongst the cracking twigs and moulding leaves. He stopped in front of the gates, the intricate designs still shocking his brain into submission, as like every other time that he had passed through these gates, he ran his fingers over the metal, feeling the twists and curves beneath them. This gate was what linked them, what linked the fake reality and the true reality, where truth frayed at the edges and showed the mixture of corruption and purity, where two colours met. And every time that he found himself in front of said gate, it became more and more beautiful.

He remembered a time before all of the corruption, before the government blamed the wendigos, before life became like this. The government had always been rotten, but the corruption and the hate had risen to astronomical levels, blocking out anything even remotely supernatural. The fortune-tellers and gypsies with their so-called future vision were arrested for being "facinorous", the brightly coloured caravans left abandoned and rotting, dragging some of the last hope of this world down with them. The denouement of this corruption was that the "monsters" were cut off from the world, humanity refusing to trust and believe in their existence, and the corruptness of the government doing everything in their twisted power to keep it that way, disguising their loss with metaphors and blatant lies. It was almost like a torturous vision of a possible dystopian and authoritarian future; a future where anything not complying with the rules was forgotten and hidden.

He remembered the first time that he came through these gates, with Frank flitting through the air anxiously, the fog rolling in and covering everything in a layer of darkness, of hopelessness, of the end of equality. The first time that reality truly frayed, the first time that he stepped through the seams of this world and into the next, the first time that he truly was on the run from humanity. He remembered how the first time he entered these gates he was still responsible for Frank, still acting as a guide as the fledgling grew up at the pace of a snail. He remembered the day that Frank had stopped being a fledgling and had started being a part of the grown vampire civilisation. He remembered how he had begged for Frank to turn him, crying and gasping at the thought of him dying while his other half still had thousands of years left to live. He remembered how Frank had finally given in, sinking his teeth into his own arm and dripping the rich, dark blood into Gerard's mouth. He remembered when they swapped roles, when Frank was then the one teaching a fledgling.

Gerard shook himself back to the present, his fingers trying to silently creak open the gates, yet it was always impossible, always a groan as the metal gave way for him. The rampikes scattered around the grass; no trees with leaves, no greenery, just grey, grey and occasionally black, like the government had given up halfway through the construction. It was segregation. There was no denying it. Gerard was the only one able to pass between worlds, as he was registered as a human, prescribed the awful pills that refused to let him die, hiding them in pockets each morning and disposing of them within the gates of the other reality at nightfall. Should the government find out anything then he would have been killed before his body became diced down into one centimetre cubed squares, and sold the next day as the prescribed food packets.

He hurried along the path, anxious to get back into warmth, despite obviously being a vampire and therefore unable to create his own body heat, he could still feel warmth radiating from others. This was the loners dwelling, the place of the lonely and every time he walked through it the emptiness dragged his stomach down. The alternate (the official name that the government had christened the false reality for the supernatural with) was split into seven sections: this dwelling for those who wanted to be alone, the main castle, normally just lived in by vampires but occasionally other creatures would shelter in there, the lunar village by the edge of the woods, which was for the werewolves, there was an entire abandoned hospital built for the use of none other than the ghosts, the poltergeists finding far too much joy in wrecking the building, the zombies and the undead had their graveyard and crypt opposite the mausoleum, the wendigos had their area of humid rainforest and baking sand, still grey and gloomy yet warm and humid, and the others had the leftovers, all surrounded by acres of dripping gloomy woods, and should you go beyond then you would fall into the empty space of nothing, not falling but not floating, nothing, and you would become dismembered over the space of a thousand years.

The others wanted nothing more than to leave, and so the amount of body cells that floated amongst 'nothing' was horrifically high, a swirling sea of dead skin, drops of blood, occasionally less decayed parts would arrive, washed up on the shores of the forest and you had to watch out for stepping in someone's eye socket, or breaking an abandoned hands fingers. Gerard was the only one who could cut between worlds, but the true reality was so much worse than the alternate, despite the continuous fights between clans and cults, at least they weren't drugged into oblivion.

The vampire hurried forwards, dragging his jacket around him as tight as possible as his thoughts zeroed in on his amazing boyfriend, his favourite person (vampire) in the entire world, hell, even in all of the false reality and parallel worlds he doubted he could find a person (vampire) as amazing as Frank. Seriously, he would do anything in any stretch of any universe if that vampire asked him too.

The heavy stonework of the main castle loomed in front of him, dark and threatening in all of it's serrated glory, intricate patterns repeated perfectly onto each turret. To think that this was the product of all of human corruption was a strange thought; but in the end terrible things often ended up in unique beauty, that was an undeniable fact. But nothing could compare to the adorable beauty of his boyfriend.

The thought of his boyfriend drew him out of his structural thoughts and into hurrying along so as to finally see his boyfriend after two weeks of being shut out. In order to pass through the human boundaries Gerard had had to clear the aura of the alternate off of his skin, and so therefore had to quarantine himself in the woods surrounding the alternate entrance before immersing himself fully into the false truth that was now the world of humanity.

Gerard was besides himself away from his boyfriend, Frank was one of the few things that kept him grounded, and he knew every trick to taking Gerard through various emotions. Gerard had basically raised Frank into the vampire he was today through nothing but the stories he had collected on vampire culture and etiquette, and although they were perhaps a bit of a quirky pair compared to the rest of the species, they still were at an agreed peace with the rules of vampire culture.

Gerard really did need to talk to Frank, and not just for the safety of his mental health and just well-being in general, but also for the grand idea that he had had regarding all of the rejected fledglings, including the ones who simply felt like they were in the wrong place. He and Frank were now fully grown vampires, with no need for caring elders anymore, but when they had first met (Gerard as a human and Frank as a fledgling) Frank had practically been running away from his domain, having just felt like he didn’t fit in amongst the others there.

Well, he had actually had two ideas, but to be honest, the first was a lot more plausible and realistic than the second, and the second wasn’t particularly likely to happen any time soon either.

All that he wanted was to make a place where people could be themselves; he had always been an outcast and he knew how hard it could be when it felt like it was just you against the whole world. He ran through his proposition in his head as he neared the grand doors that served as an entrance into the gothic castle. 

The entrance was warm; clearly Frank was winning tonight. There was a continuous battle between Frank and his ex-domain leader, Carlie, about how warm the castle was allowed to be. Frank liked it hot so that he could bask in the warmth despite his constantly cold body, but Carlie would fight for the cold, for some reason saying that the warmth made her skin prickle.

Gerard was so close now that he could sell the delicious scent of his other half, a mixture of toast and hair dye and cigarettes. With the scent thrumming through his veins, he ran to the stairs, following their twisting, twining ways before giving up and flying out of a nearby window, finding himself on the top landing seconds later. Decades later and Gerard still couldn’t quite figure out the entire set of mechanics of controlling flight.

He sighed to himself, letting his body fall through the air until he ended up on the fourth floor, where he actually wanted to be. He all but ran through the hallways until he got to the entrance to his and Frank’s rooms (each vampire had their own room but Frank and Gerard being Frank and Gerard they had same through one of the walls between their rooms so they had one big room between them). 

“Hey!” An indignant voice rose up from the floor beneath his feet, and Gerard looked down to see a pouting Frank who he had accidentally stood on.

“Oh, sorry.” Gerard chuckled. “Didn’t see ya down there short-o.”

He reached down a hand to pull Frank up but the shorter just swatted it away.

“ _Hey_ , I have grown! I’ll have you know that I’m at least a millimetre taller now, _tall-o_.”

“Sure pumpkin, you keep believing that.” Gerard teased, stepping over Frank’s torso so that he could unlock their door.

He was just turning the key when his back suddenly got very much heavier, feeling like it was weighed down with all the weight in the world. Or y’know, Frank had just had a desperate urge to get a piggyback. It was more likely the latter.

“ _Frankie_ , you could at least let me unlock the door you _child_.” Gerard groaned.

Frank giggled and shook his head, only increasing his grip on Gerard’s shoulders as the other finally got the door opened.

“Well, thanks for that motherfucker, you just succeeded in making a door ten times more hard work.” Gerard sighed as he deposited Frank at the foot of their bed, however, failing in allowing for the “Frank Factor” and so ended up being pulled down onto the bed along with his annoying as fuck boyfriend. Who he loved very dearly.

“Want cuddles.” Frank pouted, his puppy dog eyes working on undoing Gerard’s soul until he would agree to do anything that Frank wanted. Gerard may have been the younger vampire but Frank really was the less mature in this relationship.

Gerard smiled to himself at the other's cuteness, repositioning himself so that he could actually rest on the pillows, Frank burying himself in Gerard’s torso and therefore evicting the pillows that had worked so piteously for the vampire when all he required was his taller boyfriend.

“So you gonna tell me why you were trying to get walked all over?” Gerard giggled, running his hand over the hairs at the nape of Frank’s neck.

“Well, I wasn’t exactly trying to get walked over per se, you see Carlie has once again been defeated by the almighty power of none other than Frank Iero, so therefore I was just basking in the wonderfully warm glow of my victory.” Frank smirked, failing completely to look slightly evil and just looking like a teddy bear dressed as a pirate, ergo fucking adorable. 

“Huh, makes sense.” Gerard nodded mock seriously, well used to the antics of his boyfriend by now. 

“So what are the humans screwing up now?” Frank spoke up.

“Wow, way to make a conversation dark, pumpkin. It’s getting worse down there, I don’t think that there is anyone left who isn’t under influence of the government, and the drugs are stronger, you can feel it instantly.”

“Stupid fucking government, I say we gather the werewolves on a full moon and overthrow them.” Frank grinned.

“Of course, but that would mean having to wait three weeks.” Gerard pointed out.

“Huh.” Frank pouted. “Any other ideas for what to do for three weeks then?”

“I mean…” Gerard ran through it in his head, this was as good a chance as any. “So, Frankie, I’ve been thinking. Y’know how you hated your domain, and fuck, I never even had one, and how there are probably tons of fledglings out there who have no clue what to do or where to go and just feel like they’re in the wrong place? So, I had an idea to help them, and I mean, feel free to say no, but I was thinking, how do you start a domain? Because I’ve been reading up on it, and as long as we’re registered as a domain with the elders then we can raise fledglings, but we can make up our own regulations within reason so we could basically raise them the same way that we taught each other, y’know? I mean… is it a good idea? Would you be down for it?” Gerard fiddled with his fingers nervously

“Actually… that would be amazing! And we could work on making a new alternate at the same time, especially if there are two of us, and we would be helping all of those fledglings… It’s a really good idea Gee, but can we do it later? Right now I just want cuddles ‘nd kisses and stuff, and then we can work on overthrowing authority?”

“Of course.” Gerard kissed Frank’s nose. “I love you, y’know that right?”

“Yes, silly. Not like you’ve told me that at least once a day for the last sixty years.”

“Oh shush short-o, you know you love me really.” Gerard rolled his eyes.

“I supposes I do…” Frank groaned. “Silly me. Always falling for the wrong people, aren’t I.” He grinned up at the other to show that he was joking.

“But… it’s just me that you’ve fallen for.” Gerard pouted. “I’m not that bad.”

“No, you’re not.” Frank agreed. “I love you too Gee. Loads more than I ever tell you.”

Gerard leaned down to peck Frank’s lips, drawing away quickly so he could get lost in those ridiculously gorgeous eyes. Those eyes could be fucking hypnotising. Actually, they were. Silly Gerard. He still loved Frank though.

***


	27. Until Tomorrow

It was what all children were told to comfort them into sleep: your soul will watch over you, your soul will play with other souls, your soul will be having the time of their life. At a certain age, the children stopped believing, but still their souls would flit around during the night time, hiding in trees, paddling in pools of cascading waterfalls, watching as the younger souls would roll around on the grass, playing happily with one another. Belief wasn't a needed thing, it was still there, it would still happen, whether you liked it or not. 

Your soul would leave your body as you slept, leave you as a shell, only to return when you woke up and refill you with personality. They would travel to a place known only to the souls, a place called "The Clearing", a place for socialising with others, a place for washing, a place for playing, a place for doing anything and everything that it wanted to do without being prevented by the presence of the shell of a human body.

Gerard knew that, he knew that it was true, and he tried his hardest to never stop believing. He always went to bed when he got tired so as to allow his soul the optimum time in wherever it was that souls went at night.

Like every other night, Gerard was in bed and asleep by eleven at night, his eyelids fluttering slightly as the shimmering blue presence by his bed grew slowly stronger. The light grew to almost a blinding amount, painting Gerard's dreams in a blue hue, before it dimmed, growing to only a light shimmering border around what looked like a solid form.

It wasn't known to humans what souls looked like, only the Wicca's knew, and even then, no one believed them, just like no one truly believed in anything remotely fantastical. 

The souls normally took the forms of their shell, however, there were a few cases of the souls preferring a freer from, normally seen in souls who were in continuous disputes with their shells while they were confined. Gerard wasn't one of those exceptions, so his soul was the exact same image as his shell, give or take the light blue glow.

Once his soul had grown strong enough to be seen, and the blinding light had diminished, he leant forwards to press a kiss to the side of his shell''s forehead. Then he walked lightly over to the ajar window, silently pushing it until it was fully opened, before slipping out and into the dark.

It took the soul all of his willpower not to shriek with delight as the wind rushed through his tousled hair once more, flitting through the air, swirling into loops and somersaults as he rushed to The Clearing, begging to play amongst the trees once more.

***

He was climbing through the trees, giggling to himself as he swirled downwards with the floating leaves before laying to rest on a branch, staring wonderingly at the sky being split apart by the old gnarly branches, the amber leaves still only just clinging on.

Gerard glanced at the ground, his eyes following the steady stream of swaying leaves down too the ground, where his sight locked on to a sullen looking boy leaning against the rough bark of his tree.

The sight of a boy his age looking so sullen made Gerard feel like he needed to do something to help, everyone should have the chance to sing and dance and just be happy in general instead of sullen and grumpy.

He made up his mind, and latched his knees securely over the bark, before swinging down so that he was hanging in from of the boy by his knees. Gerard watched the other soul curiously for a moment, noticing how he looked less sullen now and more distressed or weighed down by something.

"What's your name?" He asked, startling the other soul from where he had been staring rather dejectedly at the leaf covered ground.

"Frank." They sighed. "You?"

"Oh, I'm Gerard, ya can call me Gee or whatever if you want, I don't mind." Gerard smiled back. 

"What's wrong?"

"Just another disagreement... is there any way that you could change shell?" Frank looked up at him with big, watering eyes.

"What do you mean? What happened?" Gerard's brow furrowed in worry over this strange soul that he had met less than two minutes ago.

"I'm a boy... my shell isn't, you see? My shell is a girl. This is what I want to look like. This is not what my shell looks like. And we don't really get along, but this was by far the worst, it almost wouldn't let me out, it tried to keep me trapped in there." Frank's expression was one of pure fear. "It tried to trap me... I don't know, this is the only place I can be myself. I hate being in that shell, it's just not me."

Frank suddenly seemed to realise that he had been venting to a stranger and stared at the ground as pink flew along his cheeks.

Gerard sighed sadly as he looked at the sight in front of him, his mind failing to come up with any way of comforting the poor boy. Instead, he held out his hand, his eyes shining slightly in the light of the moon, the possibility of an adventure with a companion etching a smile onto his face. And Frank, enchanted by his playful gaze, reached out, and took the other's soft, skinny hand in his own.

"Where are we going?" He asked softly, not wanting to break the spell that Gerard had begun to weave through the atmosphere, lights dancing amongst the falling leaves as the breeze made them dance in their journey towards the ground. He didn't so much care about where they were going rather than wanting to hear more of this pretty souls voice, wanting to see more of his gorgeous smile that was hiding the secrets of their destination.

"Does it really matter?" Gerard called from above him, busy trying to pull Frank up into the tree, his voice lilting with laughter as sunshine wove through the tone. "Does where you go really matter? I would rather spend an eternity going nowhere in particular but having fun. I would rather that than having a destination and becoming obsessed with the end result. Live life how it was meant to be lived and all of that."

Having now been pulled up into the tree, Frank clung onto Gerard's hand like his life depended on it, and maybe it did, because he wasn't exactly the tree climbing type. The boy nodded at the others words enraptured by Gerard's childlike joy and bounciness.

Gerard dropped the others hand in favour of climbing higher amongst the branches, loving the feel of the rough bark grating against his palms. His feet almost floated along the gnarly skin of the tree, so sure and light footed that Frank couldn't help but wish that he had half of the other's agility.

Frank smiled slightly for the first time all evening, his emotions soaring along with Gerard, climbing high into the sky. There was no hope for Frank getting up there, so he wrapped his arms tight around his torso, falling backwards out of the tree before willing himself up, floating perfectly alongside Gerard who was still climbing steadily.

The leaves fell perfectly around the moonlit clearing, coating the green curtains of grass with their soft, burnt colours; like tears amongst a sea, but positive tears in replace of sad. A thousand moments lost in a world of endless green.

Gerard was heading certainly towards the edge of the clearing, leaping softly from branch to branch, landing perfectly each time. A squirrel couldn't beat Gerard up here, his balance and agility creating the perfect blend, almost as if he was created just to move amongst the tree tops. 

Frank attempted to land like he had, light and sure footed, but instead he came crashing down, lost like an elephant amongst a treetop canopy.

Gerard was steadily reaching the edge of the canopy, slowly nearing the more fragile branches. As he reached the scarce branches at the edge of the clearing, he bent his knees in preparation for the final jump, his eyes locked on the next branch over which had to be at least five metres away. Despite himself, Frank found his arms reaching out and tugging the other back from the edge. 

"Hey," He started, not quite sure what he was doing. "I know you like adventure. I know destination doesn't please you. But take this as a destination. Just sit for a single minute instead of fly around like a flitting butterfly: just take it in. Take in the sights. Take in the sounds. Take in the smells. Just take it in and appreciate that you are here for a minute."

Frank turned his big doe eyes on Gerard, the long lashes blinking heavily making the taller boy's stomach flip. 

Before he could think about what he was doing, Gerard had stopped, nodding as he allowed his body to sag against the bark of the tree, Frank hesitantly sitting beside her as their legs dangled together off of the edge of the branch. 

Stopping. Gerard had never done this before. Gerard just didn't stop. It wasn't in his DNA to stop; it had always been one thing after the next, always on the next step, but never there because there was no there. There was no destination, which meant that there was no there. But this was here. And maybe that was equivalent to there?

The idea turned itself through the cogs in Gerard's brain, winding and rewinding until he got himself so confused that he decided that here and there surely had to be one and the same.

He grabbed Frank's hand, reiterating his grip from earlier, however gripping it less and holding it softer, admiring the creases against his palm. Gerard could feel every vein running down Frank's hand, every crack in his skin, the rough patches of lengthened exposure to what was probably guitar strings, the raised skin where not even visible scars were. 

Frank gasped when Gerard willingly made contact with his skin once again, internally debating with himself before he nervously wrapped his other arm around Gerard's shoulders, pulling the other soul towards him. 

Gerard leant into his touch; he leant into this strange souls touch.

He leant into Frank's warmth, intoxicated by his scent, knowing that the sun would rise soon and then this would all end. He would be taken back to his shell, and Frank would have to go back into his prison. 

His eyes grew heavy as the sun began to rise over the horizon, it’s rays beginning to hit the branches of the edge of the clearing, and Gerard’s eyes closed along with Frank’s as they rested together; knowing that their time here was beginning to draw to a close. Until tomorrow. 

But he was here, and tomorrow was there, and she would stay here: stay here with a soul that he had never met in his shell, but who still made the butterflies swarm.

He would stay here with the boy who had shown him the beauty of the still.

And the other would rest here with the boy who had shown him the beauty of ever-moving life. He would stay with the boy who had melted his exterior, allowing his sweetness to drift through into the outside.

And they would stay here, together, resting.

_Until tomorrow…_

Their thoughts entwined as one as they stayed here in the present, lost amongst the falling amber leaves, lost amongst the flames as the sun licked the clearing, sending all souls back to their shells, whether they liked it or not. Frank included, but it was ok, because they had here. They would meet again. It was ok.

_Until tomorrow…_

***


	28. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW, gun use, death, burning etc

You know what they don’t tell you? They don’t tell you that being shot does not kill you instantly. Maybe they just don’t know. But it doesn’t.

It is death. It is fast death. It is not immediate death. You’re paralysed, for a few seconds, up to a couple of minutes while your body shuts down. You feel the blood dripping out of you, you feel it sticking to the floor. You feel your skin growing colder. 

You still register pain. You still see. You still hear. You still think. Your brain essentially still works. You’re just paralysed. 

You get to see your boyfriend laughing maniacally as he wipes the blood on the floor. You get to feel his warm lips against your cold cheek. You hear the sounds of him setting fire to the room. You see him settling in the corner as the smoke rises along with the flames. You see his skin melt off of him, you feel your face bubbling.

It gives you time to regret. That’s what a gun does. It lets you regret. 

And then you die.


	29. Firetruck Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> genderbend lesbian oneshot

“Mikey. Frankie doesn’t like me. Honestly, I know these things, and I know that she doesn’t like me.” Gee said, firetruck red hair blowing softly around her face. 

“But she might… you never know. Wow, look at me being all positive for once!” Mikey replied, trying to persuade Gee into doing the one thing which she really, really needed to do. They (Gee and Frankie) were so obliviously in love that it almost sickened Mikey to the core, except that Mikey might just possibly have been the same with their fucking amazing boyfriend, Pete. 

“Ehhhhh…” Gee whined, resting her head against Mikey’s shoulder. Gee and Mikey were really surprisingly cuddly siblings (not in an incestuous way, they just liked to be close to each other), and they were pretty close as siblings go, with barely any catfights happening between them.

“Look, it’ll be fine. I mean, you stole my phone and did so much stuff on that with him, and basically tried to set us up, and now look at us, we’re really fucking happy together (or at least, I’m really happy dating him, and I hope he’s happy dating me).” Her non-binary sibling tried to persuade her, but Gee still didn’t seem sure.

“I mean, I want her to know, but I only want her to know if she likes me back.” Gee continued on her extremely long tangent about her ebony haired crush.

“Why don’t you just like, try and drop hints about it, like not literally dry fucking on stage hints, but subtle hints. I mean, then she might feel like you might like her, so decides to tell you that she likes you.” Mikey was getting just a little bored of this conversation now. In their defence, it had been just over two hours since Gee had started talking about Frankie, but Mikey might have done the same thing to her about Pete pretty much everyday for the past week, going on continuously about how amazing and cute he was. Honestly, how could her thirteen year old sibling have a better love life than her?

“I mean, I don’t want to go on about her for too long but…” Gee sighed dreamily, “but fuckkkk she’s fucking gorgeous. I mean have you seen the way her hair blows in the wind, or the way that she always nibbles on her bottom lip when she’s nervous, or how she wrinkles her nose up when she doesn’t like something, and that adorable head tilt she does when she confused, and those fucking amazingly oversized hoodies that she always wears (which I seriously want to steal), and I should probably stop because this is probably boring the hell out of you-” 

Mikey sighed as they checked their phone, Pete still hadn’t replied, although, to be fair, it had been less than half a minute since they had sent the text, and maybe they were acting just a bit obsessive, but it wasn’t their fault that he was so amazing, and that they cared about him so much! “No, I don’t mind you talking about her, it’s kind of cute y’know, and I definitely talk about Pete wayyyyy more than you talk about Frankie, so it’s fine, honestly.” Mikey looked up at Gee with their best puppy dog eyes, the ones which could trick her into doing anything that Mikey wanted her to.

“What do you want me to do for you now, Mikey?” Gee asked wearily, well used to her siblings ways, having known them for all of their thirteen years of life. Mikey cuddled into the warmth of her side, handing her their unlocked phone as they did so.

“Mikeyyyyyy, you need stop worrying. He likes you, he’s not gonna leave you, and he will reply to you, but he might also have to do something right now, so stop worrying. He’ll reply as soon as he can, and yes, I’m sure that he will. For fucks sake, he wouldn’t be dating you if he didn’t like you, so stop. Worrying. Please.”

“Mmm, ok.” Mikey hummed, pushing one of their headphones into their ears and beginning to blast Joy Devision at full volume. The rest of that day was spent with Mikey continuously checking/smiling at their phone, and Gee moping around like the lovesick teenager she was, not that Mikey particularly minded that.

***

“Gee! Oh my fucking god, either shut up about Frankie or go and tell her that you like her, or else I will fucking stab you on a fork and dangle you over a river!” Mikey exclaimed, sick of hearing Gee whining about her crush. Gee looked taken aback, her hazel eyes wide.

“I know, I know, I’m useless…” she whispered to herself. “I can’t even tell her that I like her, how pitiful is that?”

“No, no you’re not useless!” Mikey was now slightly regretting their outburst.

“I am. I want to tell her, fuck I want to tell her so fucking much just to know her response, but I can’t. I can’t risk losing a friendship over this.” Gee was adamant. 

“Look. The worst that could happen would be that she didn’t like you back. I know Frankie, and I know that she won’t cut you off, if anything she’ll feel flattered. And that is if she doesn’t like you back, and I’m pretty damned sure that she does.”

Gee’s head shot up. “Really?”

“No, I was just kidding to mess with you.” Mikey rolled their eyes at Gee’s wounded expression. “No, _duh_ , I’m not kidding, why would I lie to you? Of course she likes you, I mean it’s kinda obvious not gonna lie. One of you just needs to get over all of this, and just tell the other.”

“Fine, I’ll tell her. Will that make you happy?”

“Yes, very much so, as long as you _actually_ tell her, and don’t just back out of it last minute.”

“I _won’t_ , I promise?” Gee almost yelled, slightly exasperated by Mikey continuing to bring up her past failed attempts to tell Frankie how she really felt about her.

“Good.”

***

Gee was laying with her head in Frankie’s lap, watching as the other screamed aggressively at the tv as she played some random video game that Gee hadn’t bothered memorising the title of. It was so fucking cute, her eyes bright and shining and her cheeks flushed as she glared daggers at some other character on the screen. It was always the most simplistic, everyday things that Frankie could change Gee’s opinion on, for example, she was always sick of hearing her sibling yell at video games, but with Frankie she could listen to it all day long.

Frankie sighed exasperatedly as her character died, throwing the controller onto the floor and flopping back onto her bed, Gee still laying in her lap, giggling slightly at her. 

“Hey, it’s not funny.” Frankie pouted, her hands finding their way into Gee’s hair. “I bet you’re worse at that game than me.”

“Undoubtedly.” Gee shrugged. “But the difference is that I don’t really care how good I am at it ‘coz I don’t actually care about video games.” 

“Oh shut it, artsy. Some of us aren’t ridiculously talented and have to fill that void with pixelated characters shooting imaginary bullets at each other.” Frankie pulled on a strand of Gee's hair.

Gee blushed, whining slightly as she tried to cover her face with her hands.

“Not talented.” She mumbled into her palm.

“Aw, yes you are.” Frankie laughed at the other becoming a complete and utter mess.

Gee sighed slightly, knowing that there was no way out of this, but pink lined her cheeks nonetheless. She wasn’t good at accepting compliments at the best of times, and when they were coming from her long-term crush? She was screwed.

“Fine. Some of my art could maybe be viewed as slightly decent.” Gee compromised, dodging Frankie’s swatting hands.

“No, you’re actually talented and all of your art is out of this world in it’s amazingness.”

“Meanie.” Gee pouted.

“You’re really calling me a meanie for complimenting you.” Frankie shook her head. “You’re _spoiled_. Spoiled princess.”

Gee’s face became irreversibly crimson at that.

“Aw, _princess_.” Frankie teased.

“Go awayyy.” Gee whined, hating that she had fallen this deep into a bottomless hole of Frankie. She hated that Frankie had the power to get Gee to do absolutely anything, she hated how she would become useless around Frankie, she hated how Frankie always saw her at her most embarrassing moments. She hated how there was a massive part of her that Frankie didn’t know. She hated how the Gee that Frankie knew wasn’t the Gee that Gee knew. 

“Aw, come on Geraldine.” 

“Fuck off Francesca, you know that my mum was high off her fucking head on painkillers when she named me. I fucking changed it to 'Gee' legally.” Gee snapped.

“Sorry Gee…” Frankie trailed off, her eyes swimming in pools of tears as her vision swirled with sadness.

“No, no, sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped… I just really hate that name, y’know?”

“I know. ‘M sorry, I shouldn’t have used it. Forgive me?” Frankie looked up with chocolate brown puppy-dog eyes, honey melting into golden rivers in her eyes.

“Always.” Gee smiled, pulling her in for a hug. 

“I love you, Gee.” Frankie whispered.

Gee knew. She knew that it was platonic. But still like every other time they said that they loved each other, her breath caught in her throat. 

“Love you too.” She forced out, tears stinging her eyes and the words scratching her throat.  
It hurt so much, and she couldn’t stop it and it was rising in her throat even though her every muscle was against it, and her mouth was opening and she closed and it opened again and again she closed it and it was growing ever higher and it was taking over and she just couldn’t anymore. “Ilikeyou.”

Frankie blinked at her.

“What?”

“I like you.” Gee repeated, feeling the dread sit heavy at the bottom of her stomach, pulling her down to the floor.

“I know, silly. That’s why we’re friends.” Frankie laughed and nudged Gee with her shoulder.

“N-not what I meant.” Gee whispered.

Frankie pulled away from her, sitting far enough back so that she could look the taller in the eye.

“What did you mean, Gee?”

“I… I like you. Romantically. And sexually. Fuck, I’m making this so awkward I just… I like you. A lot. More than friends. I have for a long while now.” Gee’s eyes were brimming with tears, salty rivers trying to mark their way down her face.

“Really?” Frankie whispered, holding Gee’s hands in her own.

Gee nodded, the salty seas flowing over and flooding her cheeks with their sting.

“Aw princess, _princess_ , don’t cry. What’s wrong?” Frank wiped the tears away, only for them to be quickly replaced by identical droplets.

“I- I don’t know… I’m just so nervous and scared and I know you don’t like me back and it’s not your fault, honest, and I'm not blaming you but I just I was hoping and I know I was stupid and wrong and just-“ Gee was cut off as she buried her head into the bed to stop her mouth from continuing to overflow with the stupid words that her stupid brain was supplying.

“Gee, I love you to bits, but you really need to stop jumping to conclusions.” Frankie giggled lightly, stroking her fingers through Gee’s greasy red strands.

Gee felt her heart fall down the Mariana Trench at those words. She couldn’t, she couldn’t deal with it. Not now. Not after everything that she had laid out there for the whole world to see. Those words were the cracks in her heart that broke it into a thousand pieces. Her shoulders shook as the waterworks flooded again.

“No, Gee, calm down, I promise it’s not as bad as you think it is.” Frankie sighed, searching for the right words. “Princess, you gotta calm down, you’re gonna start hyperventilating soon. C’mon, calm down for me?”

Gee nodded jerkily, lifting her shoulders to expose her red rimmed to the light.

“You’re such a silly billy Gee.” Frankie poked her on the nose.

“M not.” Gee sniffed.

“I’m just annoyed coz I wanted to tell you first, that’s all. I was planning it all out, I was gonna do it on your birthday.” Frankie kissed both of Gee’s panda eyes, her black eye makeup bleeding into the red of her eyes. 

The tears were leaking again, dripping over the cracked skin of her up-turned lips, a smile irreversibly stained onto her face.

“Aw, princess, c’mon, don’t cry. You just stopped, you’re gonna drip into a pile of nothing soon.” Frankie smiled, grabbing Gee’s hand. “Y’know, ‘coz humans are like eighty percent water or some shit like that.”

Gee smiled, wiping the tears from her ruined eyes, and Frankie was leaning in and Gee’s heart was flying into her brain, and her blood was boiling but not from anger, and her lips were parting, and her eyes were closing, and her hand was sweating against Frankie’s but Frankie didn’t pull away and they were getting closer and closer and then _bang_. It happened. And it was as groundbreaking and earth shattering as Gee had always imagined it would be. 

Her lips were soft, feather soft, so soft that Gee almost didn’t notice it was happening but it was and there was no denying that, and Frankie was pulling away and it was too soon, and Gee tried to follow her lips but Frankie just giggled and tapped her softly on the forehead.

“That…” Frankie was giggling deliriously. “That was way better than I ever thought it could possibly be. And believe me when I say that in my thoughts it was always fucking _amazing_.”

Gee’s eyes were hazy, her whole being focused on one thing and on one thing only: it was thrumming through her veins and filling her brain. Those lips. Those feather soft, pastel pink, constantly chapped lips. Those lips which Frankie was nervously running her tongue over, and she was leaning forwards again, and she couldn’t stop it and she was under a spell and she couldn’t escape because holy fuck, those fucking lips.

Frankie’s lips slid softly against her own, and she was so fucking content, never wanting to leave, all of her dreams having come true, all of her most desperate fantasies flying forwards in the golden light of the day.

“There’s only one thing that could make this better.” Frankie sighed against Gee, refusing to move her lips away from the others just for the sake of a few stupid words.

“’N-Nd what would that be?” Gee replied, running her hands around Frankie’s neck and twirling the strands there as she pulled away, satisfied enough for the ability to talk to return to her, although she might need recharging from those lips soon.

“Be my princess, Gee? Be my girlfriend. Please.” Frankie was practically begging.

“Of course. Of fucking course. Why would I ever ever, ever say no?” Gee cried, tears falling between them once again as they lent forward towards each other once more, needing the love and finding it exactly where they knew it would be.

***


End file.
